everything in the past is an obsession... it's not good.. it's not healthy..

because of such selfishness, a lot of people were deprived of their joys..

because of such foolishness, there's failure to see what's more in life than obsession..

there's so much to live for..

there's so much to enjoy..

do not fall intentionally on the pit that could have place you there forever..

be thankful for the saviors who get you out of the deep hole..

and gives you a chance to see once again the beauty of life...

people come and go..

but the experiences remain...

no matter whether the person is appreciated or not..

it's how we perceive those events encountered..

for quite long time,

eyes are shut and heart is bum

but time will come that the light will shine..

to see the flaws and learn to get up..

work hard to divert the attention..

from a straight road to the wavy waters or rocky mountains..

though it's hard to pass..

but the smoothness would be felt after success..

i tell you..

learn from the past..

it's not yet late..

t's good to appreciate... but it's bad to obsess..

i've got a new career!!!! haha!!!=p i enjoyed doing videos such as this one... hmmm... i've got so many pictures so why not make use of it anyways???

shux! if there is one person i miss so much right now... that would be ros!the veelas' (the name we give to our group during our fieldwork) clown.. i miss her "panlalait", her laugh, everything about her... the four of us are working in PGH and ros is the only one who had a different trend.. she is currently in Diliman and working in an NGO... goodluck! but i surely miss this baks!!!

technically, this is the last day of my out rotation.. i do not know whether should i be happy or sad.. in rotation is easier than the out.. but i just started enjoying my out patient duties.. i just started to appreciate the service given to the out patient.. i just started learning doing the psych evals in an instant.. i will surely miss the out rotation..

on the other hand though, my work will be lighter (i think!) i will have a new environment, new set of patients which i supposed would be permanent up to the end of the practicum..i do not want to expect a lot.. but i just want to enjoy every moment in the in rotation the way i enjoyed the out..

time is very fast indeed.. its like i just applied for the practicum, then encountered different cases of patients, which some of them are shockening! and now, we're almost on our half..

but the prize we get from this work we have, is the friendship built among the interns... though we've been together since we were first year, but we were separated by the boundaries of our respective barkadas which we are "secluded". here we are now, discovering each other's personalities, and funny to find out each other's kabaliwans! nothing can really pay the friendship built inside ward5!

i am again right now eaten by the internet.. i was glued once again with the key pads of my laptop, haven't started anything for my report work to be submitted tomorrow...

this day have been so tiring... ok then... what you see on top is my work.. and i work on it for more than 2 hours... indeed i've got lots of plans for tonight.. though i do not have pending paper works for the fact that i ain't got px for today...but i was planning to watch the wonderful life which everybody's talking about.. i also planned to watch Mars, the koreanovela which Gel lend me.. i started with cd1 last night and i planned to continue.. however, i was focused on the internet once again and that's what i did... thanks to Tine for teaching me how to do it... hehe

this day, i felt so unproductive for today for i did not have a patient...i only got tomorrow as the last day for the out rotation, and by next week, here we go!!! in patient... !!!! .... i am quite excited though.... but then, i still like i would want to experience more for the out rotation...

after the duty, i met with my adorable friends... particularly joanne, des, dang, trish, amy, and maco (which the last time i've seen her was on her debut...like she's turning 21 this year!!) though at first, we were discussed with a legacy business stuff, after that we had dinner... in our favorite food store: McDonalds!!!! it could be our official sponsor... typical girl talks and chismisans... stuff i missed a lot about them... it seems 2 hours is not enough to satisfy ourselves with each other's company... it was quite surprising to know new stuff about each other.. hear news from one other: some are shockening, some are exciting! all i can say is that we really grew up and matured... though i only felt it when i was with them... things really change, but the good thing is, despite our maturities and various differences, the friendship stays strong... glad to hear from old friends again... surprised that amy was already in her med proper..we passed the same course in La Salle, and i just wonder, what if i pursue my course in DLSU, i could have been on my 2nd proper next year.. it's a wow! but well, things are meant to happen, and i am pretty sure God has reasons and that He has other plans for me.... love life speaking, all of them are going strong with their partners..some are since high school.. only it was amy and i who are competing for the record of zero love life.. funny, that the 2 soon-to-be docs of the barkada (i hope so) are still both single up to now... oh well, it only proves we have our priorities...

btw, i have a new crush today.. haha!! he's not really gwapo, as in! however, i appreciate him when he wears glasses, but when he removes them, nah! he's not attractive... better for him to wear glasses... but i wanna stick to the idea of what crush should be.. i am confident it won't turn out into obsession, like what happened before... a simple admiration became an obsession, which really is not healthy... actually, now, i appreciate a lot of cutie guys.. haha!!! simple appreciation, with their talents, good points, the way they carry their selves much more their flaws... hehe..

this summer experience is really extraordinary...it give me the chance to meet new friends, they are old friends though for they are my blockmates and i have known them for 3 years.. but the practicum binds us together and gives us the opportunity to discover each other's personality.. i really appreciate the bonding moments of the interns.. it's a wow! hopefully after the practicum, our friendship will remain strong and keeps on getting stronger...

it's already 1am.. and i have to wake up 6 am later... wah! this day is really something! a break from toxicity...i wonder what could have happen tomorrow???hmmmm.... it's for me to find out the excting events even though the moments are rocky... btw, happy birthday to my co-intern Gladys!!!

i missed the meteor shower last night... (if really there was) ... been so tired and sleepy...i have no energy to stay up very late and to go up to the roof top of our dorm to see....

it's andy's bday party today...oopss, it seems i won't be sticking with my schedule again... i still have lots of things to do... 4 PER are waiting to be attended to...and tonight, there will be jihan's grad party...how could i finish all those 4 PERs?? goodluck girl!!!

iwould want to enjoy this day and hopefully be in the mood to do the necessary stuff...

ok then..i think i have to log off already.. it's 8:18 in the morning... have to take a bath and prepare myself for the childrens' party... yehey!!!!=)

i appreciated this one so i feel like posting this.... i'm so tired today... but praise God, one week's over.. 4 weeks more to go!!! ohyeah!!!

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the coffee...

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, " I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - your God, family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions-things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car.

The sand is everything else-the small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal."

Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter.

Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

soooo tiring... the day is so exhausting!! got 3 patients... 2 were follow ups.. actually, the start of my day wasn't good enough at all... my phone also got impaired again..for the whole day of my duty, i wasn't able to check it out because it hangs ALWAYS.... i have to remove the battery to restart it and it goes back to its original state of hanging... i was also very clumsy today, and worse, my looked like "dugyot"... no time to comb the hair, fix my self and also failed to brush my teeth after lunch because i had to face the patient for 1pm...this day wasn't just for me... and right now, it's already past 10 in the evening, and i haven't started yet my evals.... what's happening??? i'm not in the mood..all alone here i room.. so sad and no one to talk to..but at least, no intruders in doing the reports..however, the more i could not function without them...

hopefully tomorrow, i won't be like this anymore....i hope to have a more organzied day.... i knew the reason of having bad tempers lately is that i will have my period 2 days from now... i'm really stressed out for today but as much as possible, i think of reasons for me to smile...=) i can pass this, i know!

it's 12:11 am..and i am not yet done with my Psychological Evaluation Report (PER)... how would this happen? i arrived late here at dorm around 8:30 already..had dinner with Ate Joy, my roomate at Chef's RP.. we are so full..how come if we ordered 2 bake zitis and pizza.. we were not able to consume them all so we still have left for our breakfast later... we had bonding moments, sharing of stories, and talked a lot.. i knew then how much i missed talking.. so again, i had the chance a while ago, thus, forgetting (on purpose) my schedules for tonight... (oh btw, she treated the dinner)... then we ordered for take out coffee at starbucks, well, reason for keeping me awake and 'palpitating' right this very moment...i also had chitchat with rayche when she went to our room... again, i took for granted my schedule, thus starting 10:30pm already.. and what am i doing right now? i do not want to call this a waste of time, but rather a break from being drained constructing my PEV for my patient yesterday... too bad i haven't started the Initial Evaluation Report (IE) of my patient this afternoon...

my dilemma, my high school barkada texted me and wants to go to baywalk tomorrow with the whole adorables... but i know i would be very busy tomorrow... have to do lots of reports.. so i did not reply anymore to avoid making commitments i could not stand for... but i really miss that friend of mine so far... she would be around the cities rarely (coz she has to stay in Dasma for school)... hopefully, tomorrow...come what may...

dilemma again, my prayer time.. though i have been alarming my cel every 10pm, but i ignore the alarm and has no time for prayer time, even a minute of it.. what's happening? oh my, good luck... i would want to revive my spirituality which i suspected to be lost for a while... oh please, pray for me... =)

Grey's Anatomy focuses on young people struggling to be doctors and doctors struggling to stay human. It's the drama and intensity of medical training mixed with the funny, sexy, painful lives of interns who are about to discover that neither medicine nor relationships can be defined in black and white. Real life only comes in shades of grey.(http://www.tv.com/greys-anatomy/show/24440/summary.html&full_summary=1).....

whew! i have just started liking this show... but it seemsi was totally attracted to the show that i found myself browsing on the internet for this... i was captured with the line which i posted above.... "neither medicine nore relationships can be defined in black and white. real life only comes in shades of grey"... very metaphorical...

i was told by Francis that according to his mom, Gray's Anatomy is a "bible" in field of medicine. i find it "astig" such that they were able to relate the "bible" into a tv series... well i guess, what attracts me most is my interest of entering a med school... when i watch the show, i imagine my self that someday i would be like one of them, officially be called an intern, having challenging duties in hospitals, meeting patients, and making an impact on their lives...

it's already 11:33 pm, and it seems i am not productive enough... i have only done doing the results and discussions of one of our patients 2 weeks ago, and i am scheduled to start the psych eval of my patient this morning to prevent piling up of work... but i haven't started the latter yet... i cannot afford to stay up late coz i have to wake up 6 in the morning....

jihan and ads visited me a while ago here at dorm... around 7:45 pm... my gosh! i miss talking to other people... like, i am home alone in here, no one to talk to...my friends here in dorm are having practicum, which they are not staying here the entire summer and some moved out..during duty hours, i cannot afford to talk and talk because i have other things to attend to... i really missed talking... oww, it's a good therapy for me, aside from eating...

speaking of eating.... before ending today's duty, was acted strange, according to my friends and co-interns... i had a very awkward look on my face, and they were able to infer from my facial expressions that i was hungry that time... they really are my friends...they already know what my facial expressions represent. funny.... it's good to know that my friends really know me... with that simple behavior of mine... at least i won't be judged "masungit" or "mataray", for those who know me well... but if that would be other people, or perhaps strangers, i would be mistaken negatively.... that's life, you cannot please everybody..

i just realize, i have very disorganized thoughts tonight.. my brain was drained because of that report i made.. and i still have to face the reality, still have to do another one... it's a good thing that melissa, my neighbor here in dorm, lend me the internet connection.. it really is a blessing.. in times like this, things happen on purpose... i wish my self good luck on this...in my practicum... i will give my best shot for this... i have a goal..to make up for my performance last summer.... and this is a good training and exposure for me... i think....

lastly, back to Grey's Anatomy...it's really a wonderful show... i rate it A+.... very interesting... and challenging... whether in line or planning to be in line or not in medicine, the show presents a more positive way of facing and handling challenges in life... that even a hard path can be crossed with a smooth road....

here i am again, just posted early in the morning, with such a horrible feeling of boredom.. i am currently chatting with a good friend of mine.. we were discussing things about our barkada, when will our next gimmick be.. i've realized, network differences really affect the communication of a group... when the unlimited service started, people tend to consume their loads on the same network as theirs...

it's 3:30 pm, and i haven't taken a bath yet.. i woke up 1pm, ate my lunch, did the paper works i have to upload on the internet, and now, facing again my laptop...

tomorrow, my cousins and i planned to have a swimming... but sad to say, my sister just had toothache and she cannot come because of her appointment on her dentists which will be scheduled tomorrow.. i also felt like not coming..aside from the fact we won't be complete, i do not have the guts to face the sun again and add another layer of lipids on my skin and will make me totally dark again..i've just recovered from the sun burn i got from Guimarras, and i do not have any intentions of making my color worse, now that i wear white uniform the entire summer.. i do not want to look like a black object floating on the white garments i wear... i also got burns on the corners of my lips due to the very hot temperature.. and since i just stayed inside the house for the past few days, i took for granted my lip balm and failed to apply on my lips... but it's hurting me so i guess i have to be conscious about my wounded lips...

it's another day... i started my day very late and i am pretty sure it will also end very very late... i think the bathroom is calling me to take a bath now...

have you ever felt the feeling of total boredom? like you have so many choices of things to do yet do not kknow where to start? like the cyberspace is so wide that i could surf anything i would want? but i find no satisfaction with where i am right now. i am looking for someone to talk with, a good friend whom i could chat with... but apparently, none of my ym friends are on line. i also have the choice of opening the profiles of people in friendster, but i don't feel like doing it... i could also choose to watch dvd instead of placing my self in front of my laptop thinking of how bored i am right this very moment! i also have my brothers in my side right now.. before going on the net, we had our bonding moments courtesy of textwist... i surrender with the power of that game that it has the ability to connect people... we are also playing the guitar while guessing the word/s of the textwist... i really have lots of choices but i can't pick one right now.. all i know is that i am sitting beside my two brothers, each one of them are doing their businesses, while here i am, facing the monitor of my laptop, typing all the things that run in my mind while listening to the tune of better days (as per requested by jek)... i suddenly gave my appreciation to the song...

what am i talking about? nonesense.. it's holy week, and i am supposed to treat this week a solemn week.. (it's my personal choice actually)... but i haven't done anything yet to make my week meaningful.. actually, i never had sacrifice this lenten season.. there was no friday that i refused to eat pork.... less sundays of attending the mass... and worse, my prayer time became critical lately...it seems i am in this pit of tests... and it feels no good..i know i have lots of things to say to Him, i need quality time which i am sure He is asking for, but i refuse..

but i know, my reasons are just part of the whole reason why things are playing in my mind.. don't ask what is it coz neither i can define.. sometimes things will be better to remain as it is without searching for the anwer behind it... but i am TOTALLY BORED!!!!! what's happening.?. can anyone please talk to me right this very moment? where are my ym friends? why are they gone all at the same time... i may sound insane with what i am talking about... but it is brought about by the terrible boredom i feel right now!!! whaaahh!!!!! why did i log in the internet in the first place? i am just wasting my time...

i got totally carried away by the dvd i watched the whole day... the frog prince.. a koreanovela i borrowed from a good friend of mine.. i never encountered the show in tv before... like hello!!!!i am not a tv person! but i appreciated it when i watched the first 5 cds of the show... it's long.. but there's a feeling that you would want to continue even though your eyes are falling because they are tired and sleepy, but it doesn't matter... you would want to continue and see what will happen next to the love story of an ordinary girl and a rich young man who had an amnesia... i won't bother retell the story.. but i was reminded of the idea of having prince charming.. i know it just happen in fairy tales... if for the girl in the show regards her prince to be the man who will save her from disgrace she experience from other people, i define my prince as the man who will save me from the loneliness i would feel in the future.. someone who could get me out of the bowl of tears and bring me to the mountain of smiles... so metaphoric... well, it happens only in fairy tales.. and this is real life! rational!be rational!!!! princes are not real in real life... we have to be rational in choosing the person whom we could entrust our love...we should not be deceived by men who appears to be men but in real life they are frogs... what am i talking about? drop it...it's nonesense... may be it is not yet my time to meet romance in my life.. and i am very strict about that... i am true to what i said that it is not my priority yet.. after moving on into something i never really have at all, it is no time yet to think about that again... i am happy with where i stand right now in general (but right this very moment i am BORED!!!!)...

oopsss..... my sis is currently on line...thank God for sending someone i could chat with.. hay... okay then, till next time...

wish everybody to have a blessed holy week!

i would like to start my post with this qoute:

"luving him, was 1 thing i was afraid of..
and i was right, it hurts...
but i thank him anyway..
i learned to let go..
he taught me what love really is...
and now i know,
it was never him..."

once i received this quote from a good friend, i told my self that i would keep it in my inbox and wait for the right time that i could forward this to people such that i am not making a fool out of my self. i waited for the time to come that i am true to what the quote really says, and that when the time comes that i would be able to share the message, i say what i really feel..

i just never knew that the time was today... this afternoon, i was lying on my bed, when i suddenly realized, oh, i chose to send it to somebody... this is the official time. the time that i could make a choice... and making one is only easy. for so long, i have been bounded by my choice to be under him without him knowing it at all. but hey, i don't regret anything. i am just glad that now, i at least, if ever we will be given a chance to bump each other along the roads, i can face him bravely and can be true to my self, in which i was deprived (by my own choice) when i am with him..

i do not know what came out of my mind.. with the question of why only now? that i do not know. what i had for him was obsession, of course in the beginning, it was purely admiration and inspiration.. but i allowed such inspiration to go beyong its limits, that i do not realized i am little by little eaten by my luxurious desires without getting anything at all. i know and i believe he is a nice person. how i wish he could know that what i have for him presently is purely the wish for friendship. i have passed the stage of seeing him as somebody. i know he is aware of what i had for him... with all the things i did, with all the crazy attitudes and behaviors in his front and back.. i cannot blame him for taking me for granted. he could be a man who do not want to deal with girls who has something for him. if there is one thing i regret about him, that is going beyond my limits. i have been so tactless and loud about my feelings for him.. and if ever given opportunity to be with him or had few talks with him, i tend to abuse them all....

how i really wish i could turn back time...which it is impossible.. i do not know what to do after.. now that he knows i WAS obssess with him... how i really wish he would know that it is now my choice to forget my desires... i would be willing to start a friendship with him, if only he will allow me... if fate will allow us to be friends, that i could assure that i would go nothing more than that.. i would not wish nothing more, nothing less. once i've seen a person as a good friend, once i passed the stage of my craziness, i could assure that past is past, and that the friendship i would offer would be pure...

i do not know what could happen next...in a few days, we will separate ways.. he will be facing a new world and here i am, living with the remaining days of my college life while i prepare for another stage called the career world, or for me, MED world... i do not know...

what i am after right now is to focus on my priorities... i know what i want, i know where i see my self a year after... i have to face my responsibilities... finding a love life is not my priority.. before hand, i made a pact with Him that i would graduate college without having a boyfriend at all.. and it doesn't matter.. i know, with my sked next school year, i cannot afford to have someone who will be called a boyfriend or a partner... if ever there comes a long they way, i'm sure it could wait.. for 20 years i lived single.. what more another year to wait, right?

just then, as always, i include him in my prayers... i just hope he will be happy with his life...in the same way i am now with mine...i will continuously pray that the friendship i have been long praying for will come on our ways... i hope the connotation of my obssession with him will diffuse from his mind... i am just glad for knowing him... and with my future... i am a smarter woman now... i am a woman of substance, i deserve to be cherished.. and as what every gentleman would say to a woman, "you are worth the wait"....