i never thought running would be this good. a feeling of being free from any undesirable thoughts, from the issues around the world and within me...

it was sunday afternoon, left my dorm at 3:50, planning to attend a 4pm mass at UST church,then jog around the campus by 5pm. surprisingly, there was no 4pm mass. instead, what i witnessed when i arrived was a wedding. i knew that i already arrived in the middle of the mass wedding, so i was in caught between deciding to wait for the mass or start jogging instead (but i have to face the consequence of being so sweaty when i attend the 5pm mass..) apparently, for whatever reasons, i don't know i choose not to wait inside the church and witness the wedding of couple i do not know.

and there i go, i walk on the first block of UST field, warming up my muscles. then i jog with my sounds on... i did not realize that i already made up a few rounds, though i'm getting tired, but i still want to go on. my signal of entering the church was the bridal car parked in front of the church, and when i saw that the car was gone, i knew it was a signal for me to enter the church...
jogging with the cold breeze gave me warm feeling, giving me time to think positively for my self, reflecting on the things that happened in the past, and things that i still want to do and to be in my future. and after few weeks of having struggles with my self, i think i am getting the answers.
i learned that sometimes, running is not bad, as long as you are not running from your past, but running FORWARD for your future. it's not bad to slow down and walk in between. future is not in our hands, what we can only hold on to is our present, what we have. if you feel tired in the middle of this journey, it's ok, admit it! sometimes, these tiring events in our lives add more color to our experiences, allowing us not to missed the good things yet to experience...

as i end this post, i just want to share few lines that i took down from the November issue of Cosmopolitan magazine, which i knew would help me achieving what i want to be, and hopefully for you too...

Stand out at the workplace because of initiative and hardwork, not because of mere kayabangan.
As long as i am driven to work hard, i'll get what i deserve, at my own pace.

Personal competence is knowing yourself and doing the most you can with what you have.
Possibilites are endless, but leaning into your own discomfort is the only way to change. so for once, take the long route.

waiting was a choice...i felt like doing the right thing, though no one can prove that this is right, unless i've come to that point of knowing everything, perhaps the greatest challenge would be my acceptance to the circumstances that i am yet to know. i chose to stay by ur side, even though you're giving me away. i chose to stay, despite the fact that you may be happy to see me with someone else... i chose to stay though you cannot set eyes on me.. though you see me in the plain-est way that i am...and still i chose to stay, despite the ignoring circumstances, the words left unfulfilled...though everything has quite changed. i wish i could still choose to stay.. to long to listen to your stories, be delighted to see your expressions, to hear your laughters. i want to stay as long as i can.. but now i have come to the point of realizing that i have to think of myself this time... i have my needs, that i know from the very start you cannot provide.. i cannot let you realize that i am someone not just an ordinary girl..nor anyone else i can let them do.. but the best thing to do, is to start realizing that myself.. start trusting my self once again, building the woman i really wanted to be..sometimes i wish that you can be with me as i find myself, but i know you would not even care.. i need to do this myself..there are things that i wanted to achieve, things that i wanted to do much more for other people. whatever to chose to choose right now, i will still be here by your side. things may not be like before, but whenever you need me, i will still make myself available in my best-est way..i hope that time will come that you will make me feel that you need me too...=(

something that hits me from the inside.. guess this is the best way to describe my status right now........

Pain grows faster everyday,, confusion and misunderstood statement kills the person completely,.

i handle myself very well,from a single strand of my personality up to the hidden locket inside of me. laughter is always on me, a smile is always present on my face,,though it’s faking,,. everybody thought they understand me,, but none of them really do,, they said i was childish and irresponsible, my decisions are always out of control, that i am impulsive, but none of them sees the other side,well i can’t blame them,,coz im used to hiding things and letting them on critisizing me, " who cares"?? i will still smile and walk away, though it’s killing me inside,, only my own reflection can see,.

" I wish i can be someone, someone whom they wanted me to be, "

" i wish dissapointment is out of my league"

" i wish i was blind, so i can see nothing, not even pain,"

" i wish i was perfect, so i can see satisfaction on thier faces," and maybe i can have mine,,

" I’ve always been the opposite of what you see, strength is my weekness, i use pain to smile, i use mistakes to laugh, and i use movies to cry,"

" hear my heart, she’s been qiet for a long time, leaving the feelings, unspoken,, "

"he heart is to speak for complications...

the brain is to unwind the coils...."
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