i've been so busy these days... and expect more busy days to come.. having so many commitments, having so many responsibilities, that's how i would define my status right now... self-admit people person type, i really enjoy dealing with them.. people i meet, people i talk to, people i look after the welfare of, people i care, and even people i dislike (i see this as a challenge for me to love them)... but somehow i feel i wish my prince charming will come to save me from the world i am in right now and will move me to world called relaxation! this person will be able to direct me to where should i go..someone whom i will allow him to tell me what to do coz that's how i trust him and believe that he could lighten things...

oh well, im day dreaming once again... may be i just felt tired.. for the rest of my life i have been directing other people's lives.. may be i was just looking for experiencing the other way around... i'm not in a hurry anyways to be with him.. just meeting someone, not necessarily him, who will give me the comfort i have always been looking for, most especially these days... who will not give me the guilt feeling that i may have taken him for granted for all the things i've been involved at.. someone whom i will just enjoy company with... who will understand me and will not expect anything from me... hay... call me selfish, yes maybe.. but i will not allow any man to come into my life if i know from the very beginning i will not be able to appreciate..

hopefully one day, i'll gonna see you.. especially in days like these.. coz may be, you could share the feeling of burden and joys with me...

just got home from a gimmick..deprived kid as i am.. this is my first official gimmick for the sem.. actually, of my senior year...


we went to libis.. and ahahaha!!it was also my first time to go to that place... ive been to malate and makati gimmick places, but not in eastwood... we were in blue onion, with dormates yonee, ads, mel, and ate mabel with company,.. at first i was hesitant to go, coz aside from having financial tights, i felt so tired for the whole day... but now, i regret absolutely NOTHING of going with the gimmick...

actually, i define the official gimmick to be in a bar, drinking some stuff, and dancing all night! though ive been in different bars, like greenbelt per se, with dormates still, but this night/morning is full of fun.. im not into alcohol or stuff, but the most exciting was dancing! there was no dance floor, only the ledge.. so once you step up on the ledge, as if everyone will be watching your moves.. i started dancing in our place... but i told myself i should not leave without experiencing dancing on the ledge.. and yah, before we leave and head in starbucks, yonee, ads, and i danced on the center stage! of course, there are also other people dancing, so we need not to catch majority's attention...

hay.. it was an experience... this is the sign that i am really maturing.. before i graduate, i would like to experience different things.. i hope my other friends will be able to go out on a gimmick trip, dancing all night, and might be able to meet new acquaintances! haha!

it's 1:39 am... and i have my bs187 paper left hanging... i have started, but my mind's not functioning as of this very moment so i just gave my self a break by blogging!

the past 72 hours gave me a wonderful experience! reaching Digna's place last Friday, arriving Paetem Laguna very very late that night, with friends rosa, irene, yana, hana, karla, david, and patrick... after which we had inuman session.. but i do admit, what would be expected from me, that i am not a hard drinker at all...just consuming 4 shots of redhorse out of the 8 large bottles, i was still on my mind that night.. we just played chess and dama... dama, the game i really could not perform well, and the game perdigana.. it was such a fun! of course, after some in our company have taken larger amount of alcohol, people have been so loud! consequences were given to the losers, and it happened that our boys were the consequence doers! haha! the session ended past 3am, i do went to bed around that time too...

3 hours after, i have to wake up.. due to the volunteer work courtesy of Pahinungod in Bahay Tuluyan, which happened to be within Laguna..it was in Viktoria, Laguna.. i received an email from the ERVolts yahoogroups regarding the invitation on bahay tuluyan's build a fence project... rosa, irene, yana, david, and yours truly made up a team! but then, we were late..

what happened during the work? wow! it was sooo much fun! for the first time, i experienced working with the cement, building hallowblocks, with the effort of the team! i wasn't aware that when you touch the cement with your barehands, you may have scratches.. i did hold the mixture of cement as i applied on the surfaces and holes of the hallowblocks. i did not get scratches or any wounds, but the consequence is having rough hand right now.. but that's ok..i will just remember that it is the fruit of work... this activity paved way for our team to bond, thus strenghtening the friendship we have...we also received warm welcome from the people of the foundation.. the developers, and even the people of Bahay Tuluyan.. they are so nice.. good people... i was really touched to see wealthy people share their blessings to the less fortunate, thus they are protecting the lives of these people.. this kind of activity is in fact, our barkada's dream... now, it has come true...despite the 3 hours of sleep we had! haha!

we ended past 12.. we went back to Paete, celebrating the bday of Digna... HAPPY BIRTHDAY DIGS!for that whole day, we travelled, a lot! the most travelled day of our lives! haha! transfering from one jeep to another to another to another... and going back to manila through bus... such trip to manila was very tiring.. catching up the last trip from the terminal of sta. cruz, laguna, and totalling of more than 3 hours of road trip... hay, i found my self sleeping.. but what's new, i always sleep easily, anywhere i am! haha!

tomorrow's anothr week.. though i do not have classes, but i still need to meet other people for the upcoming dbs anniversary.. also need to have enough energy to head to my work, facing another responsibility, after then have to hurry to another meeting with the usc in CM.. that's the reason why i really want to accomplish the paper due still on tuesday.. also, i have to prepare for my thesis proposal defense, this week!!!! whaaah!!! thesis!!! then have exam this wednesday!!! whaaah!!! very preoccupied.. i guess i have to get going already..coz time is running.. before sleepiness and laziness catch me again.. haha

when you said your promises, you should keep it... most especially if you made a pact with God! but problems attack me.. the idea of not fulfilling my promises to Him makes my eyes teary..

i can't help it.. a promise i made once, twice, how many times have i said it to Him yet i always fail.. times that i said i would focus on the most important aspects of my life while still in college.. forget about the obsession.. living in God's love.. but lately, i have realized, the sin of obsessing over someone has not yet departed out of my system.. it is still there.. there are people who keep on reminding me about it.. (thanks to you Eric).. but nevertheless, there are more people who go along with my trips and with this thing..

a while ago, i found myself scanning per account, looking per picture, and my heart leaps whenever i found what i want to see... but after a while, i found my self in tears, not because of the pictures themselves, but the fact that i was obsessing again.. here goes my old lifestyle.. how many times have i attempted to stop? how many times i have declined? how many times do still need to say it's over, yet later on realize it's not!?

now i am praying, may not be able to see the person/s who will give me feelings of guilt and pain.. neither do i want to hear anything about him anymore.. not now.. now that things are impossible.. i do admit i was still searching for facts and info, but now i realized it should not be that way...

putting myself on his situation, knowing someone is obsessing on me.. darn! it will give me goosebumps.. i really dunno.. i dunnow anything on him.. not at all.. right now i have so many things to do.. so many priorities... i would want to let go of the hope that someday we will be okay.. i always get reminded of the quote on the difference of hope and expect....so i would hope.. but not at the present...i do not have intentions of breaking my major promise to my self and to God..that is to graduate nbsb... no matter what people will say!

"sukob na...halika na... sabay tayo sa payong ko...
hawak ka... kapit pa... sa payong ko magkasama tayo..."

the current song played in my system... hay... very oozing... very nice to think.. that perhaps would make rainy day enjoyable for me.. rain makes me feel blue... but with this scenario??? hmmm.. perhaps, that would not happen on me SOON...

i feel i will get sick... my body tells me to expect cough and flu... which i really really hate...!!!... coz it ruins my day! darn! but what shall i do??? i catch the virus immediately... by just riding a vehicle, i attracted the virus... hay... what shall i expect with my days..???.. hopefully no bad days...

i was sumwer along makati, attending the company blessing of the family's call center... the BOI are there, some of the family members, managers of the 6 departments, and the agents... wow! after being there, i realized that i really do not belong to the corporate world! it can't picture my self in coat, closed shoes, slacks or skirts... not at all! i picture my self, in white blazer, holding stethoscope... haha! in short, a doctor.. nyahaha... i don't know still yet.. but i am not yet confdent enough to face the corporate world!

prior to that, i had some heartful talk with manang suting, who then, acted as my heart doctor... hay.. she sort of gave me hearty advice... when it comes to relationships... not being too high on my standards.. not living behind my shadows (meaning, my past...)... and not focusing on one alone! i would like to react on the shadow thing.. well, i could honestly say, i don't live in the shadows of my past.. is it? well, not with the person, but may be with the situation per se... after believing that he could be the "one".. but i was wrong, which now i am thankful for, coz i realized it as early as that... hay... but then, when will i know that the right one has come??? way back then, i already told my self, that i would only have a boyfriend who i will be confident to tell the world that he is my special someone, and to acknowledge him as my boyfriend.!. someone i would be very comfortable with.. i get turned off easily, but i know its him when i could accept his wholeness... too hard.. to high standards, right??? the false person once came into my life.,.. but i do not regret anything... its good that we are friends.. and i do not have to worry because i've cleared my self that no intentions anymore.. now i can say, i have no unsettled issues in the past...

but then, do i really enjoy the privilege of singlehood??? hay... i might be a career oriented person.. yah. i have priorities... and now, finding him has no space in my list.. ooops. i remember, i should not find him.. he has not come yet because he knows he has no space in me yet...

im really tired at the end of this day, yet i do not want to end it without blogging.. without recording the various things that happened today..

i got my first salary! wooohoooo!!!! it felt so glad when i received the envelope containing my pay roll in my tutorial career... however, i wasn't able to enjoy it that much, coz i have to pay my debts.. but well, atleast little by little, my debts will be paid.. what makes me more excited about my first salary is that this is the first time i will be shouldering one of the expenses in our house, that is the cable.. i volunteered beforehand that i would want to pay it, since it is just leisure.. i really wanted to have this feeling of helping the family, and i am glad i was given this opportunity as early as now, coz it would take longer time for me to really be able to extend my help to my family since i would be a student still for longer period..

i was once again, torpe.. garn!!! wasn't able to even smile at him, or even talk to him.. i felt awkward...hay... Lord, i just pray so hard that may be, the next time we see each other, he will be the first one to greet me.. or to even give recognition on me.. coz in that way, i would be confident that he really knows me... hay.....

lastly, well, i was able to attend the prayer meeting, after so long of my absence.. we had our household leaders training... you know what, i feel scared and at the same time, excited, on handling my household.. i wish i would be able to handle the people under me properly.. and as what i always pray for, is that may they recognize Christ and His love for them through me.. i give up my self to him, to use me to show how much He loves all of us.. scheduled day is Wednesday, but honestly, before that, i had unresolved issues on the time schedule.. i wanted to work on wed after my class, since my tutee has no ballet.. but then, i choose to choose my household instead! im really excited about it..!!!... as what ate jessy said, God will just be always there at my side..

i would want to wish my self GOODLUCK!

feel so tired today... my eyes are falling down... i want to rest.. i want to sleep.. however i cant.. i have no right! too many stuff to do.. at last, it's acads! have a report tomorrow, just finished doing the powerpoint presentation.. i haven't reviewed yet what will i be talking about tomorrow.. playing the role of a psychotherapist.. how should it be?

even though i am done reviewing my report, still i can't sleep yet.. i have a quiz tomorrow in social psych, which was supposed to be given to us like 3 weeks ago.. and i was just postponed (for a lot of times) due to suspension of classes.. as far as i know, it covers 4 chapters... i was one of the first few in the class to have reference book (thanks to nory), but i did not bother to scan it or open it or study in advance! and now, i have to cram! i thought of studying on our 3 hour break! goodluck! but still, i would want to at least scan my notes tonight.. just hope i could grasp some points at least...

i may seem tired today, but i have so many things to thank for.. first, we had our GA, technically the first GA with the new members... and it was fun.. though we did not achieve the complete attendance, but its good to observe that most of the people are enthusiastic on serving the org.. i could see their determination! another thing to be thankful for, i sold the chocolates, though i haven't disposed all the chocolates i have, but the pieces i brought in school were all sold.. thanks to a bestsoc freshie Jemuel, who helped me sell the chocolates in his block! haha! we also had dinner with mam debbie... at mr. choi's... the dinner is supposed to be for ate ehlen, for her birthday.. a very very belated bday celebration.. and also a thanksgiving for finally finishing the forum in celebration for the CAS anniversary.. however, this day, aug 1, i am officially no more an SA in the oadaa office.. but good thing that still i was invited.. my younger sister will take over my job, which i am thankful for still i could manage to be closely connected with the office i love and served for 2 years! perhaps finally, the most thankful thing i am for today is the approval of my thesis proposal at ward 7 PGH... now, i have a direction towards my thesis... the challenge is, how would i manage to gather ALL the doctors of their department?!! i hope at the end of this, i could still smile.. i pray!

so far, these are the things that made my day bright! there were still lots more.. my friends, the food i ate.. the experiences i had.. just hope tomorrow, though i expect to be haggard, i hope i could pass them all! goodluck for me! i know God will be there for me, right God?=p