"when you experience euphoria, be ready for a sudden sadness...." this is what i thought not until i attended the 5pm mass at PGH chapel and listened to the homily of the priest...

before.....:

things will never be perfect... i believe in that... but i began to question the return of every happiness i experience...as in it always happen most of the time, that when i feel the sudden happiness, at the peak of it, a day after that, i would cry.... and the tricky part is that the reason of my sadness is completely far from the reason of my happiness.. this may sound weird, but i take that consideration....

always, there will be problems..there will be sadness.. this world's not perfect, but HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE.... i should remember that... but why do i tend to forget that??? as much as i wanted to show the happy side of me, but when tests attack me, i would just cry... the best test for me is the test of my family.. i always pray to make my family intact... it was, not until this afternoon that i found out that the intact family i was hoping for is finally over.. i thought the baby would be the key to strengthen my family...

but NOW...:

i do not want to surrender.. the priest mentioned: God attracts us to be on His side.... i told myself, if these problmes and sadness i feel and the exchange of my tears are God's way of attracting me, i should fear nothing! i know i would be able to overcome this, coz i have Him... i really do not know what happened to me... at all... but i am pretty sure, He changed me like this... He made be a better person... a stronger person... i know in every struggle i face, He is there...

and as a person, i have my styles of coping up.....as much as possible, i would avoid food tripping, coz it will make me fat!!!! i was planning a while ago, during the saddest part and crying moment of my afternoon, to have a haircut... but no one was able to accompany me... may be tomorrow, a good friend of mine, irene, texted me... and she agreed to accompany me to the beauty parlor.. hehe=) hopefully tomorrow morning, i could have my haircut....

those issues that made me cry... though i haven't mentioned all.. what i've mentioned is just a small part of the big pie of reasons why i am sad... my confusions, the problems that i foresee, et al.... but i should not be worried... i know, i believe, that i would be able to pass this, coz i have Him...

im just so glad...my love is finally healed... from the Trojan viruses that he captured on some of the PCs somewhere....thanks to Marionne, that my laptop is finally safe from threats!!=)

its good to be back in Manila... after a week-long fieldwork/vacation.... my iloilo experience was indeed fun and worth treasuring...

first and foremost, i wanna introduce who i was with... my closest friends in block: meme & ghel (future couples), rosa, and irene (for our accommodation)... we get to know each other better and strengthen our friendship.. we discovered different things about each one of us, the positives and the negatives... and one thing i realized as i was with them is that each one of us has our own styles of works, and thankful i am that our styles complement from each other.. one organizes, the other has the skill of interviewing, one gives fun to the group, the other takes the video and other takes the pictures... these 4 people who i was with while i was away in iloilo are my special friends...coz they are special children...

so much for that, as much as i wanted to list down every detail of my stay in iloilo, from riding the taxi going the the manila domestic airport until we get back here in manila... but my time's so limited that those memories would be stored in my heart and in my laptop... ^-^

well, if you could see me right now, i am sooooooo dark!!!! as in!!!!we're so brave enough to go to the beach of Guimaras without wearing sunblock!!!! damn, SUNBURN!!!! and among my groupmates, i am the 2nd darkest, next to, well, who else but Meme....whehehe=) oh well, that's fine..as my defmech (defense mechanism), i just tell my self: "minsan lang mangitim sa dagat ng Visayas...kaya lubusin na!!!" hahaha=)

oh btw, i spent my valentines in iloilo....i was not expecting anything special here in manila anyweiz, so it makes no difference... i was with my groupmates, had lunch in Fisher's Den, then go patroling on the sea at night...we experienced going to the "bentahan", the fish farms, under the beautiful full moon.... this day became special because of them... and that makes them even more special to me....

we had so much escapades..... go many experiences, even though our interaction with people were limited due to language barriers....(they speak either ilonggo or kinaray-a and we speack Tagalog!)... we just had so much fun....

but the sad part is, as we were enjoying ourselves on the 17th of February in Guimaras, a landslide happened in Southern Leyte.... that was so horrible, being stuck under the muds....my heart wants to cry the moment i learned about that the other day as i was having my manicure and pedicure... and even until now, i really wanted to help them... i really don't know what i can do for them as of the moment... but prayers would really help... i am hoping and praying that there would be a successful rescue operation and that people would learn a lesson from the experience.... as far as i remember, it was only a year ago that a landslide happened in infanta, quezon, and now, another thing in leyte... there was just a recent ultra stampede.... there is a reason for every tragedy that happen... we may not realize it now, but soon, we'll be able to see the reasons and the purpose why those things happen....

but of course, life must go on... in every negative event, it's not yet the end to make up! each one of us is given another opportunity to make up for our mistakes.... well in my case, i had so many mistakes, and hopefully, i am learning from them... just this afternoon, something good or bad happened.. with him! i had an encounter with him, but now, i was able to control my emotions, of course with the aid of my friend who was also in the scene... ah, no more details... if i would keep track of the details, i am just fooling my self of moving on... but still, i see a good side of him....he may look like a 'rock', but i can see the humor....i don't know, i'm still blinded, and i admit that... i'm on the process, a proces which i cannot assure how long will take, but little by little, things changed, the way i handle my feelings, and i already stopped bothering him! also, i am not that on the go looking for him as compared before!!!these are good signs!!! my motto: TRUE LOVE WAITS.... and i am still holding on that.. if its not him, i know there's someone better.... *yeaH*

days have been tiring... but thank God, i only have one exam left before we finally go for our fieldwork... just late this afternoon, our group talked about our plans for our fieldwork...we've come up with the thought of going to Kalinga for 10 days.. and we are planning to leave the city on the 11th of February.. oh, on Valentines' day, we are off the mountains...good thing is that, it really doesn't matter that we'll be spending our hearts' day on the mountains...we're not expecting dates whatsoever so i guess that won't be a problem...

but still, its 10 days...10 days away from our families, 10 days away from civilization...10 days that we'll be on our own... those days would be crucial for us.. for our group (consisting of Ghel, Irene, Meme, Rosa and Yours Truly), it's a chance for us to know each other deeply... i am pretty sure that those will be the days that we can be more than natural... it's like we're on the Big Brother house...hehe=)

what we're all excited about is the adventure we are to face... for me, personally, it would be the farthest place i would be in my entire life... i never crossed over the boundaries of Calabarzon... oh well, in Central Luzon i have been there but thanks to the school fieldtrips for if not for that i cannot go farther of Luzon...

a good friend of mine sent me a friendster message that made me smile... a simple appreciation from the people you least expect makes me happy and somehow boost my confidence... i really had a low self esteem... i am a loud person as i consider myself... but deep down inside me i have dilemmas... an inspiring message wpn't do harm.. i really really super appreciated that person... i also hope the same for this friend that may he continously be happy with his life... ivan and ate joni, goodluck for both of you...

i have to work harder from this day on.. i am facing a very big responsibility in the next years to come...sad thing i have to give up some things... things that i never expected i would be giving up so soon... my experience working as a student assistant really helped me and trained me to be a responsible person and somehow improved my organizing skills... but i trust the person who will be replacing me that he could do better than what i did during the days i worked... and i see it as a good opportunity for him and training ground for the responsibilities he is to face...oh well, i will be out for a month only and try my best to be back on March.... but what i foresee is the possibilities of next school year... oh well, things come when you least expect it... and i prove it right...

btw, before i forget... i had attended the discovery camp of YFC...it was such a very wonderful and overwhelming experience... i had a good time discovering God's works on me as well to of us... i also had a time to know and bond with my brothers and sisters in Christ... with beautiful pictures, especially the sisters..hehe=) i learned a lot of things, how special i am in God's eyes... and the most powerful concept was the talk about love... i now understand and proud to say that "True Love Waits".... as i look back to my responsibilities and what i have learned in the discovery camp, i told my self that i do not have time for love life...as of the moment... and i would just wait for the right time... i admit i am praying for someone right now... but i am not anymore expecting the return from him... as what Kuya Scott mentioned, if i were to pray for someone and God says YES, it doesn't mean that person would be the one... all i know is that i am glad praying for him... haha=)

a lot of things happened..and i am just glad i had the chance to blog again..... i want to unwind... and feel pretty excited on our upcoming out of town trip!!!!yahooooo=_