when you said your promises, you should keep it... most especially if you made a pact with God! but problems attack me.. the idea of not fulfilling my promises to Him makes my eyes teary..

i can't help it.. a promise i made once, twice, how many times have i said it to Him yet i always fail.. times that i said i would focus on the most important aspects of my life while still in college.. forget about the obsession.. living in God's love.. but lately, i have realized, the sin of obsessing over someone has not yet departed out of my system.. it is still there.. there are people who keep on reminding me about it.. (thanks to you Eric).. but nevertheless, there are more people who go along with my trips and with this thing..

a while ago, i found myself scanning per account, looking per picture, and my heart leaps whenever i found what i want to see... but after a while, i found my self in tears, not because of the pictures themselves, but the fact that i was obsessing again.. here goes my old lifestyle.. how many times have i attempted to stop? how many times i have declined? how many times do still need to say it's over, yet later on realize it's not!?

now i am praying, may not be able to see the person/s who will give me feelings of guilt and pain.. neither do i want to hear anything about him anymore.. not now.. now that things are impossible.. i do admit i was still searching for facts and info, but now i realized it should not be that way...

putting myself on his situation, knowing someone is obsessing on me.. darn! it will give me goosebumps.. i really dunno.. i dunnow anything on him.. not at all.. right now i have so many things to do.. so many priorities... i would want to let go of the hope that someday we will be okay.. i always get reminded of the quote on the difference of hope and expect....so i would hope.. but not at the present...i do not have intentions of breaking my major promise to my self and to God..that is to graduate nbsb... no matter what people will say!