honestly, i'm afraid.. afraid of what to expect for the next 3 weeks...

but according to ruby, this is the last.. give our best...

hay.. if i'll be asked for one wish.. i want SLEEP BANK... a bank where in i could invest the time of sleep that i could make now and withdraw for the next 3 weeks whenever i need sleep.. i would be expecting sleepless nights...

so to all my friends, i won't be able to deal with you yet... i will be far from the social world..

and to all the med students out there.. especially my classmates..

GOODLUCK.. this is the last.. 3 weeks is just 3 weeks, right?

GODBLESS everyone!!

Date	Time	Subject
4TH SHIFTING EXAM
March 4	10 – 12	SCOFYL
	2 – 4	Clin Epid
March 5	8 – 10	Biochem
	10 – 12	Psychiatry
March 6	8 – 10	Neuro
March 7	10 – 12	Anatomy
March 10	8 – 10	Physio
- MARCH 11: BREAK -
GRAND FINALS
March 12	8 – 10	Biochem
	10 – 12	Psychiatry
	2 – 4	Histo
March 13	8 – 10	Neuro
March 14	10 – 12	Anatomy
March 17	8 – 10	Physio
March 18	2 – 4	Clin Epid

Will there be a freshman medical student from the University of Santo Tomas who can say he/she got lots of free time???

Kinda got overwhelmed with our schedule at the end of the school year.. and everything seems so fast and stressful.. it made me come to a resolution to indeed focus on my studies, hide from the socialites of this world, hibernate, become a monk, whatever you may call, coz I need to focus a lot.. plus I’m still making up for my grades, right?

I just never expected it would be this hectic.. we have a benign week.. yet it should have been used for good.

Because of this, I can’t help but to write myself an encouraging note which I placed at my door so that the moment I leave and enter my room, I would not be forgetful of my responsibilities with my academics.

“Learn to LOVE the TOXICITIES of what you are doing!!! Give your BEST shot… FOCUS… and PRAY!!”

To my classmates in med school as well as my friends who share the same experience of toxicities, we can do it! GOOD LUCK and God Bless ^_^

ok.. what just happened 5 minutes ago????

i came to pass by kuya norman... and as if i was a wind that he ignored.. i want to think that we're already ok.. that finally the cold war's over..

ok ok... magtatagalog na ako.. di ko na mapigilan ang emosyon ko.. ano ba ang nangyayari? ganun a kalaki ang kasalanan ko para ganunin ako, ha? pakiramdam ko kanina isa akong hangin na dinaan-daanan lang.. para lang mapahiya dahil nag-try akong ngumiti pero iwas ng tingin lang ang nakuha ko.. grabe na talga to.. ano ba ang nangyayari, di ko maintindihan.. pwede ba ipaintindi sa akin, kasi baka nga manhid lang ako, o baka nga bobo lang ako para di ko maintindihan ang mga nangyayari...

ayaw ko na.. suko na ako.. gnawa ko na ang part ko.. di na ako kelangan magpa-apekto... kung sino man ang dapat maapektuhan, alam kong hindi na ako un.. aantayin ko na lang na sya ang unang lumapit.. wala namang kaso sa akin na un..

pero sana lang, wag nya iparamdam na walang kwenta ang pagiging magkaibigan namin... dahil sa kin, meron...!!!!!!

am i happy? yes i am now.. the feeling of just being happy for no apparent reason at all.. it's nice to feel light... unburdened.. and satisfied.. hmm.. im just enjoying the feeling.. ^_^

this rarely happens.. so i have to make the most out of it right? ^_^

it moved me.. after receiving this from mail.. i thought of sharing this short yet meaningful prayer that may give an impact to you:

God Has Amazing Things in Store for You
(This is a heavy prayer)

Stars do not struggle to shine; rivers do not struggle to flow, and you will never struggle to excel in life, because you deserve the best. Hold on to your dream and it shall be well with you... Amen. The eyes beholding this message shall not behold evil, the hand that will send this message to others shall not labor in vain, the mouth saying Amen to this prayer shall laugh forever, remain in God's love. Good morning, your dream will not die, your plans will not fail, your destiny will not be aborted, and the desire of your heart will be granted in Jesus' name. Say a big Amen and if you believe it, send it to all your friends. If you believe, send it back to all your friends. None goes to the river early in the morning and brings dirty water. As you are up this morning, may your life be clean, calm and clear like the early morning water. May the grace of the Almighty support, sustain and supply all your needs according to His riches in glory. Amen.

after reading one of jc's (my housemate) posts, i was inspired to write something related coz we're on the same boat.. we're both involved in that horrible thing that happened in our dorm.. and we're both missing our housemate, kuya norman..

at first i was telling my self, i am not affected.. i should not be.. coz seeing him arrive at home (or feeling his presence coz i barely see him though i can feel his moves), he's not affected at all.. so why bother my self too, right? but i have been in denial for so long.. only in the end i have to admit i miss him... a lot actually...

prior to the night of jan 12 (of course i kept that date on the record), kuya norman and the rest of the housemates are doing good.. actually, it was only last decemeber that i got to be close to him that close, and got to appreciate the feeling of having a kuya.. i even told karen that i'm glad that finally i'm close to kuya norman, and that i appreciate him being a kuya to me... coz i really wanted a kuya.. i value the friendship and even thought of keeping the friendship forever, even when we're colleagues... but then that night happened.. i never expected that it will reach as far as up to this date that we're not yet ok! darn...

he may not be mad at us (i hope i have the right instinct), but things changed.. as if what happened that night will forever mark on him and i felt as if i was unforgivable.. i even convinced my self that i am fine if the old relationship won't be back.. i thought of my PRIDE.. that i should not do anything anymore to be ok with him, coz i felt he doesn't want to be ok with us on the other hand..

but as days go by.. after a month of acting strangers with each other, i knew i've been missing him all the while.. but what can i do? right now actually, i'm bothered on how should i approach him.. as if i don't know him anymore... as if the person whom i treated as a real brother to me turned out to be a stranger that i happened to pass by the street everyday...

but i really want to end this thing.. especially now that i have 2 months left to stay in our dorm.. yes, i'm moving out on april 17... i already talked to my mom... and she advised me to move to other place na nga... i might be living with new set of people, but the people i have been for the past 10 months will forever be remembered... and now i hope that the remaining 2 months will be spent up to its best.. and with kuya, i hope it won't be too late..

people may wonder why i finally decided to move out... is it because of that war? partly yes, but i would rather classify it as the demotivating factor to stay.. i mean i have been attempting to move out because of the environment, but what keeps me staying are the people whom i have great bonding with.. there's the lopez siblings (jim-jim =my favorite yfc brother; tin-tin =my savior every time i need kikay stuff' john2 =who has been my guitar teacher for a while) with their dad whom we call attorney.. then kuya erwin with ate gema, who as been the kuya lately to me (and ate) and who always comes out from nowhere like a mushroom that you'll get surpirsed, then kuya norman, who has been the kuya among thy kuya... then the reyes sisters (jc and karen) whom i have been so attached lately... these are the people that i'll surely miss... i kept telling jc and karen that even we'll be separated from each other, we should get time to get together from time to time, eat dinner or lunch together, or go malling when we have time...

it's really hard.. but during the one month that passed, i realized i want to move out... especially when i got sick.. my mom even told me to move out coz of the unsanitized place that could have been a factor why i got sick.. she has a point.. but if things have been ok among the bond of the housemates, i might be reconsidering.. plus jc and karen will be moving out too... and may be kuya erwin, i'm just not sure and he's not sure yet..

people are leaving.. but they will forever be kept in my heart... i just hope that things will be ok, my relationships with the housemates will be ok, especially with kuya norman.. i hope we'll be back to what we we're before, though i know kinda hard to happen coz he's sooo busy and so am i.. but i hate the feeling of acting as if we're strangers to each other.. the feeling that i know he's already home yet i haven't got the chance to talk to.. but what hurts more is hearing him talking to other housemates he's ok with, or when jc or karen attempted to talk to him only to give a cold response.. hay.. i really don't know how to approach him first... i hope he'll be back to the old makulit kuya like he was before.. =(

i had a very bad week.. monday was ok because we dont have classes.. but tues came, and i started to feel sick.. at first i was on denial that i am sick.. i do not want to pamper my illness since there is no room for any virus or bacteria to take into my system.. wednesday i started having fever.. but still i managed to go to gateway at night to meet with mr. animator for our physio subject.. then came thursday night, finally, the thing i always fear of whenever i get sick, is the feeling of "bedridden".. as in i can hardly move and stand..

it feared me at first to get sick coz i was thinking that no one would take good care of me.. or better yet, i do not want to disturb my housemates.. i even thought if i were in my old bmi dorm, i would not worry if i get sick coz i know i have my dormates/sisses there who would take good care of me.. and i've proven that a lot of times.. but then i was wrong.. i over-judged my present housemates.. the reyes sisters, jc and karen, where my nurses on thursday night..and then i realized that i'm still lucky for having good friends like them here in my dorm.. at least before i move out at the end of the school year, i felt the care i've been missing from my bmi sisses...

another touching thing that happened that night.. my sister, tami, and my 2 bmi sisses, chy and mavi, gave me a suprised visit that night.. they were the ones panicking re my condition.. when they saw the petiche rashes when jc did the torniquet test on me, mavi and chy and tami wanted me to go to emergency that same night.. haha.. that's sooo sweet of them..

and how should i forget my med friends.. mina and tere, who accompanied me yesterday, friday, as i had a check up at the health service.. they were with me during my laboratory tests, until i got the results.. then janel gave me a text that night telling me to get well soon..

now i know i should have no worries of being sick.. coz i have my friends who are there for me.. who are willing to take good care of me.. despite the absence of my parents physically, a lot of my friends replaced their care.. and i am so thankful for giving me friends like them!!! ^_^

and for those who were there during that time that i failed to mention, you know who you are.. and i'm so thankful that you're part of my life.. (drama!)

FRIENDS FOR KEEPS...