i would love to share an inspiring thing that happened to me this day...

well, the real thing is that I AM INSPIRED TO GIVE MY BEST IN THE WORLD THAT I BELONG... i kept asking my friends who already have their respective jobs about how is it in the REAL WORLD... i did not realize in fact i, myself, is in the REAL WORLD.. i used to think that the real world involves people who are free from studying, earning their own money, not asking allowance from parents.. but hey... i am in this real world only in a different orientation..

thank you Kris for telling me those things... i believe that God has a purpose why of all the people i'll see at the OUR, it was you.. just talking to you over lunch was very fruitful.... i finally gained my confidence, and begin to accept the reality of what i am doing right now.. i learned that i should not have a mind set.. like "because i hate memory that's why i fail anatomy..." or that "i'm more on critical thinking and application and not just storing information in my head.." something like that... coz these mind sets give me reason to be lax and be contented with where i am today... i also realized that in achieving something, i have to give my best shot... and not just be contented in mediocrity..

for a while i lost my orientation.. i forgot who i was in the past years during college.. a very positive person who does not easily give up.. someone who is very goal oriented and would not stop until i achieve it and one who gives the best shot in things that she do..

so what's the next thing to do? that's it.. just always keep in mind that medicine is not just merely a school thing.. in every step that i will make as early as now, will totally affect my future.. i am lucky enough that i am here now, in the world that i always wanted.. there are some who were not given this chance... so why waste what i have now.. and of course, change my "nega" orientation.. instead of complaining in every failure i make, i will just be inspired to work harder, double or even triple my efforts.. and later, after all, the success that i will get in return tastes very very good...

and above all.. be confident in everything that i do.. coz i know, that aside from my own capabilties, i have my GOD who guides me all the way.... and knows what 's BEST for me...

i'm having some sort of cathartic moments once again.. i should have been inside my room, locked my self up and do some advance studies in anatomy, biochem, and histology... but i thought i need a break.. i need someone to talk to, yet i could not find someone... everybody's doing their thing, i do not intend to disturb them just to listen to my sentiments.. so i decided to step out of the house for a while, go on line, praying that i may find someone whom i can talk with.. good thing my partner maris is online.. (thanks partner!)... then i felt like extending my catharsis here on my blog...

so you may ask, what is the root of my burden after all?

here it is.. i took the physiology long exam this afternoon, and i failed.. so far i haven't passed a single major exam yet, in ALL my subjects... for biochem, we already had 2 quizzes, and none of them gave me a passing rate... and to make things worse for my relationship with biochemistry is that i only understood few concepts of it.. with those 2 exams i took, i experimented on which style of review will be perfect for me.. i tried deeper understanding of the concept, but still i failed on my first exam.. then people say that biochem is more on memorization.. so i gave too much effort memorizing what's in the hand out.. but still i failed..

then there goes my anatomy... i haven't passed a single short quiz... then im pretty sure that in the long exam that i took, i failed.. and more that that is the practical exam, which i am also sure i failed..

then the most recent one is my physiology exam... it's just depressing coz i know i understood physiology a lot as compared with my other subjects.. but why did i still fail?

i've been trying to figure out my weakness/es.. and my memory is my greatest problem.. i admit i have poor memory, when it comes to retaining the TERMINOLOGIES... i suck when it comes to that matter... ask me the name of a particular sickness or even a theory, i would be able to explain it, but i always forget the exact name.. when i am asked of the process/ steps, i easily remember.. but why, among the most necessary weapons in medicine, sharp memory, i lack???

another weakness is that... i admit i suck in multiple choice type of exams.. super!!!!!for some it's like a give away exam.. but for me... whaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!

i have been looking for a vaccine with what i always feel... feeling of questioning my self, of asking what's going wrong? it keeps coming back over and over again... i remember tine told me: DENIAL IS THE VACCINE... probably she's right about this..

actually, i am not in the mood of quitting.. actually i never imagine my self quitting.. but the real thing is that i have been so bombarded with so many complains about what is happening around me.. i hope i may be able to surpass this.. and primarily, when i return back home, i will be able to concentrate on histology review....

in excess:
do not get me wrong that i have been stressing my self and deprieve my self of enjoyment.. in fact med school is so much fun.. i get to meet different people of different perspectives.. what adds spice to med life is the time when we get to reward ourselves after a very hagardous day/week.. coz with that i was able to fully appreciate the moment to get free from books and other acads related.. and i am pretty sure, there are so much more to discover and to expect in med life!!!!!!

its sunday once again...i've been reviewing my anatomy for the past 24 hours... slept around 3:30 am already and woke up as early as 7am.. there i go, START THE WEEK RIGHT!!!! went to mass, and directly went here on the net caf along asturias-dapitan.. whew...

looking back on the things that happened for the past few weeks of my life..i should say I SURVIVED!!!!!!! but the real question is, "UNTIL WHEN???" haha.. just kidding!!!!!!

i'm really praying that things will favor me this week... the exams, SGDs, lab cons, grp studies, individual review, plus the anatomy long exam and practical plus "mini practical" that was listed in our itinerary for the week... if i would not be able where to start, i'll be the perfect stress tab model at the end of the week.... hahaha..

wish i will be inspired to work this week... i pray!!!! ^_^ pls..pls.. pls..

Psalm 139 Lyrics
Artist(Band):Rebecca St. James

You search me
You know me
You see my every move
There's nothing I could ever do
To hide myself from You
You know my thoughts
My fears and hurts
My weaknesses and pride
You know what I am going through
And how I feel inside
But even though You know
You will always love me
Even though You know
You'll never let me go
I don't deserve Your love
But you give it freely
You will always love me
Even though You know

You search me
You know me
You see my every move
There's nothing I could ever do
To hide myself from You
You know my thoughts
My fears and hurts
My weaknesses and my pride
You know what I am going through
And how I feel inside
But even though You know
You will always love me
Even though You know
You'll never let me go
I don't deserve Your love
But you give it freely,
You will always love me
Even though You know
You will always love me
Even though you know

this is a good music,,, very relaxing in the middle of tough days and night.. it's nice to feel that Someone out there loves me sooo much.. Someone i can get strength and inspire me to fight despite the challenges and obstacles brought by this life....

its been quite a while since i last visited my blog and posted an entry... this is brought about by the shock and tension i felt for the past 3 weeks in med school... i never thought that med school would be this hard!!! i had to double my efforts in adjusting to the world where i am today... as in like i have to read every night, at the very least scanning the books for the following day's lessons.. i could say, what i become now is very far different from what i was years ago until the past few months..
thinking of QUITTING???? nah... in the first place this is what i really wanted, and i could not visualize my self in a different career.. plus, i have been so uninspired for the past few days.. as if i have been getting the motivation to live on the med world all from my self.... sometimes it's helpful kasi if i will be inspired to work with an inspiration... inspiration would not necessarily mean identifying a particular person... it could be in other forms, such as finding reason why i continue to fight... perhaps i've been complaining so much lately, emphasizing how much i hated anatomy and biochemistry, how tiring this life is.. plus the failing quizzes and the feeling of being left behind with the lessons because i could not understand and retain a particular lecture... but such won't reach my threshold and force me to quit..
being blessed with high threshold in pressure is perhaps an advantage for me in med life.. as what doc tim said, med life is always a life under pressure.. the pressure we experience as medical students is just a fraction of the real pressure we are to experience in our respective careers.. at first it might be hard, but i believe that sooner or later, i will get used to it.... a life of never-ending crave for knowledge, not just for the benefit of ourselves, but moreover for the advantage of other people, especially those who are in need...

oops... i need to get going.. i still have pending homework in med ethics.. and Snell and Netter are waiting for me at home.. hehehe...