i'm having some sort of cathartic moments once again.. i should have been inside my room, locked my self up and do some advance studies in anatomy, biochem, and histology... but i thought i need a break.. i need someone to talk to, yet i could not find someone... everybody's doing their thing, i do not intend to disturb them just to listen to my sentiments.. so i decided to step out of the house for a while, go on line, praying that i may find someone whom i can talk with.. good thing my partner maris is online.. (thanks partner!)... then i felt like extending my catharsis here on my blog...

so you may ask, what is the root of my burden after all?

here it is.. i took the physiology long exam this afternoon, and i failed.. so far i haven't passed a single major exam yet, in ALL my subjects... for biochem, we already had 2 quizzes, and none of them gave me a passing rate... and to make things worse for my relationship with biochemistry is that i only understood few concepts of it.. with those 2 exams i took, i experimented on which style of review will be perfect for me.. i tried deeper understanding of the concept, but still i failed on my first exam.. then people say that biochem is more on memorization.. so i gave too much effort memorizing what's in the hand out.. but still i failed..

then there goes my anatomy... i haven't passed a single short quiz... then im pretty sure that in the long exam that i took, i failed.. and more that that is the practical exam, which i am also sure i failed..

then the most recent one is my physiology exam... it's just depressing coz i know i understood physiology a lot as compared with my other subjects.. but why did i still fail?

i've been trying to figure out my weakness/es.. and my memory is my greatest problem.. i admit i have poor memory, when it comes to retaining the TERMINOLOGIES... i suck when it comes to that matter... ask me the name of a particular sickness or even a theory, i would be able to explain it, but i always forget the exact name.. when i am asked of the process/ steps, i easily remember.. but why, among the most necessary weapons in medicine, sharp memory, i lack???

another weakness is that... i admit i suck in multiple choice type of exams.. super!!!!!for some it's like a give away exam.. but for me... whaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!

i have been looking for a vaccine with what i always feel... feeling of questioning my self, of asking what's going wrong? it keeps coming back over and over again... i remember tine told me: DENIAL IS THE VACCINE... probably she's right about this..

actually, i am not in the mood of quitting.. actually i never imagine my self quitting.. but the real thing is that i have been so bombarded with so many complains about what is happening around me.. i hope i may be able to surpass this.. and primarily, when i return back home, i will be able to concentrate on histology review....

in excess:
do not get me wrong that i have been stressing my self and deprieve my self of enjoyment.. in fact med school is so much fun.. i get to meet different people of different perspectives.. what adds spice to med life is the time when we get to reward ourselves after a very hagardous day/week.. coz with that i was able to fully appreciate the moment to get free from books and other acads related.. and i am pretty sure, there are so much more to discover and to expect in med life!!!!!!