This really moved me.....

The Duck & the Devil

There was a little boy visiting his grandparents on their farm.
He was given a slingshot to play with out in the woods.
He Practiced in the woods, but he could never hit the target. Getting A little discouraged, he headed back for dinner. As he was Walking back he saw Grandma's pet duck.

Just out of impulse, he let the slingshot fly, hit the duck
Square in the head, and killed it. He was shocked and grieved.

In a panic, he hid the dead duck in the wood pile, only to see
His sister watching! Sally had seen it all, but she said nothing.

After lunch the next day Grandma said, " Sally, let's wash the
Dishes." But Sally said, "Grandma, Johnny told me he wanted to help in
The kitchen." Then she whispered to him, " Remember the duck?" So
Johnny did the dishes.

Later that day, Grandpa asked if the children wanted to go
Fishing and Grandma said, "I'm sorry but I need Sally to help make
Supper." Sally just smiled and said," Well that's all right because Johnny told
Me he wanted to help." She whispered again, "Remember the duck?" So Sally
Went fishing and Johnny stayed to help.

After several days of Johnny doing both his chores and Sally's,
He finally couldn't stand it any longer. He came to Grandma and confessed that he had killed the duck. Grandma knelt down, gave him a hug, and said, "Sweetheart, I know. You see, I was standing at the window and I saw the whole thing, but because I love you, I forgave you. I was just wondering how long
You would let Sally make a slave of you."

Thought for the day and every day thereafter?

Whatever is in your past, whatever you have done... And the devil
Keeps throwing it up in your face (lying, cheating, debt, fear, bad
Habits, hatred, anger, bitterness, etc.) ....whatever it is....You need to know that God was standing at the window and He saw the whole thing..... He has seen your whole life. He wants you to know that He loves you and that you are forgiven.

He's just wondering how long you will let the devil make a slave
Of you.

The great thing about God is that when you ask for forgiveness, He
Not only forgives you, but He forgets . It is by God's grace and
Mercy that we are saved.

Go ahead and make the difference in someone's life today. Share
This with a friend and always remember:

God is at the window.

something to reflect on.... hayyy.... i never realized until now how much i have changed.. people really change, but with the changes i made in my life as a whole is very far behind from what i was before... from that simple, "manang" girl, i feel like something within me tells me to try out different things and try to be a different person.. could the "old" self of mine is currently attacking me, telling me these things which i never expected...

i could clearly remember my own personal perceptions before.. how positive i look not only to the everyday situations i encounter, but also on how i look towards other people.. i remember the old self believing that everybody is good, and that instead of looking at the negative attitudes/character of the person, try to dig out the positive ones instead... but i just realized, where is that person who views other people in a very positive manner? what could have happened to her? a person who used to be very careful of the words she will say believing that words are very powerful: they can make or break a person... more than that, the attitude of being careful not only on the words i say but on the manner of saying such words...

i do not now if the thought of trying different things, experimenting in my life, is a positive or a negative one.. i really do not now.. still the same old dilemma remains: I DO NOT KNOW WHAT I WANT.... i feel like i have been so boastful, so insensitive, selfish, self-centered, and too serious in life trying hard to be cool... this is how i feel about my self now.. i also just realized few minutes ago that with the present attitude of mine right now, i miss a lot of things.. i miss the company of old friends being too busy to think of meeting new people to come along.. and also because of pride and high regard towards my self, i have been deprived of seeing the beauty of every individual..

i know the reason has nothing to do with academics.. yes i have been so toxic, but still has time to do other enjoyable stuff like drama marathon courtesy of youtube.. i admit i have been far from my faith, and my relationship with God was in stress.. though i pray at night, but i miss the intense prayers i made just talking to Him and thanking Him for all the good and bad things that happened.. and when i wake up the next morning, another prayer to say to Him as a good thing to start my day.. i would confess that i distanced (for the nth time) in yfc.. because of the "choices of changing" when i turned 21 is very far from the culture of yfc, i decided unconsciously to distance with them.. i was thinking that despite the distance i made with the group, i will keep my relationship with God tight.. but it happened the other way around, each day that pass being going on a different direction, my relationship with Him weakens.. i have been so negative for the past few days, thinking a lots of things that made me fear.. i allowed my pride to take over me, that i will maintain the prosperous relationship with God on my own, and that every choice i made especially with regards to changing myself just turns me away from my Lord.. sometimes i envy my sister, who has a great faith and very strong relationship with God.. i am not living in a Christ-centered life lately... and may be this is the cause of my fears.. i wanted to cry out right this very moment, but i can't! i pray that it is not yet too late..

after reading the duck and the devil, i was touched.. i am the boy who killed the duck, who did not realize that God is there watching me and just waiting for me to repent and be back on His side.. i believed in my self too much not realizing that it was the devil who controls my life.. but now i believe, and very much thankful, that God knocked in my heart, and pulls me back closer to Him, again...^_^

hahaha.... i am once again laughing here all by my self as i remember a very funny/stupid thing that happened to me and my philo171 groupmates...

for 3 weeks i have been reading the articles for our report on virtue ethics.. irene and roan still had consultation with sir davey last friday.. we are all preparing for our report, which is supposed to be tomorrow... that report made us feel stressed for we know there are so many concepts to discuss... they have to give up some of their pending requirements in preparation for that report, and i have been so worried because i did not give time to do my part during the weekends..

and this morning, the group had been discussing the report, only to find out that there is a group before us who will be the one reporting... and that virtue ethics isn't really our report, but the topic next to it! gosh! if not for dodong, we will be thinking that tomorrow's our report and that virtue ethics is our topic!

we kept on rationalizing after knowing that... like, "it is an advance reading..", "we have an advantage for the exam for we understand the concepts already..", or joking that "we have been doing the advance study beforehand, we were just too humble not to let everybody know"... things like that, only to call our selves tanga. we were laughing about that almost the whole day, and until we part ways after classes, and for sure until tomorrow during the actual class of Philo171...

the good side is, my stress level suddenly subsided a little... and there are reasons to smile despite the hell week i am to face... whaaahahahahahaha^_^

2:44 am, Feb 6, 2007.. that's what my date/time in my lappietoppie says... i slept from 6-9:30 pm, so no wonder i'm still awake this late... but the thing is, i am in emote-mode... whaaaah! yeah i know, i just published my blog entry, very positive about stuff, but i think, this time will be different... am i in a bipolar condition? mpd? nah! whatever, but i am just in the mood to write this down, i mean, to type it...

what happens when feelings are left untold? how heavy it will be to carry it for years? and worse to live with are the "what ifs"... i had one great experience of it, way back in high school.. as expected, a youthful infatuation, but i have this great appreciation towards one of my batchmates.. ever since 2nd year HS, i only have my eyes for him.. even after having a girlfriend the next year, i still feel something for him.. until we graduated high school, he's still whom i liked... not only until early college days that i was able to move on and realized how youthful it was... may be for others it was childish, but for me, it's not.. it was a special chunk in my HS life that made me smile... but the sad part is, i only smiled alone... maybe he doesn't know how i feel for him... i never told him in the first place. i could not even talk to him in person.. i have been admiring him but i have been keeping the feeling within me for so long..

in fact, months before graduation in HS, i imagined my self telling him.. at least before we part ways, i may be able to say.. but i do not know what happened to my tongue, after having intense preparation, that i just let our ways part with my feelings left hanging..

i moved on.. i'm still single but i am thankful to that incident for making me this way, no harsh feelings at all... but what makes me anxious is that i may be repeating the same mistake all over again... that thing affected me on how should i be accepting or denying my feelings toward one person.. actually, i am having a hard time, even to my self, acknowledging my feelings for one person.. there will be long periods of denial, then after finally figuring out that it is nothing serious, i go on... i am just worried that this time, since graduation is 2 months away, i may repeat the same mistake again... him, whom i have been admiring since 2nd year college (wow, is this a coincidence that on the 2nd year that i start admiring people for longest times), might be another high-school-guy-infatuation in my life, that i will just let our paths separate for real not letting him know that he has been special to me.. i am not expecting anything in return actually. the favor that i will get will only be the fact that i was able to express my feelings and let him know about it.. nothing serious anything i feel anymore. actually, it is something that i could laugh about...but i just wish before i say goodbye to UP days, i may be able to tell him. at least when i transfer to another school i will have no regrets..

for me, i am not telling anyone if i already feel something for him is because of the weird feeling i may get whenever i meet the person, especially if he is a good friend.. but now, i am called to overcome my fears.. i really wish that i will be brave... at least for a day... i do not want to live with another chapter of my life with so many what ifs... maybe hiding what i really feel, leaving my past feelings left untold and just letting them to surpass without any effort of giving the signal to the person, is a reason why until now i do not know what i want when it comes to relationships.. i always have hang ups, the only difference is, i chose to be like that for not doing anything at all! if this is true, i know i should change my attitude right now, coz i do not want to spend another 5 years of med being coward and full of untold feelings..

"i guess if one thing is meant for you, no matter how many times chances call you to give it away, it will never happen... "

this is what i realized today. thanks to the Perpetual Help novena booklet... it goes like this. yesterday, i offered my own novena booklet to give to my uncle in US. he was asking for one kc, but no one was able to buy. that novena booklet i was supposed to give him was with me since i was grade 3... imagine, how long was that? 11 years? i do not have hesitations then, coz that uncle of mine has been so good and kind, so giving him the novena booklet is nothing as compared to how nice he is to me. i even prepared a letter for him as i was about to give him one of my precious treasures. that Perpetual Help have done great miracles already.

but when the right time came that i was about to hand the booklet to one of my uncles who was scheduled to go back to US this night, i find out that one of my aunts also has an extra and that was what she intend to send him. then that's it, my own novena booklet did not leave me.

just then that i realized the value of owning what is really yours. if it's for you, it will happen; but if not, there are better opportunities outside.. it happened that this novena booklet thing has its perfect timing..one of the failures i had just few minutes ago, about my application to UP Med. well, the moment i knew my nmat score, i accepted that UP is not for me. but of course, it is slight different after the final confirmation. i did not feel bad, good thing i prepared my self beforehand. though i feel quite sad of course, but honestly, happiness reign, after knowing that two of my most special friends were able to made it. i remembered in one of my prayers, that if it is not me, at least make them be. and prayer was answered. i know that this is just the first step for them, but i'll still keep on praying that they may be able to make it in the end... and as for me, i believe that there are other opportunities; c'mon it's not the end of my dreams.. though i am still praying that i may be led to the right direction, that He will clear my mind on which path should i take.. there is a long process to expect, but i do not want to worry...

UP may not be for me, but i believe that medical career is for me, and no matter how may possibilities that i may fail, be confused, or lost, i will come to the end point of it, that is: to be a successful doctor someday!

wow! it's been quite a while since i last posted here... first day of the month of hearts... hmmmm... again...

things have been bothering me for the past few days.. actually, it's just a normal thing to be bothered for something.. it only proves you exist...

anyweiz, i want to say that i will still be an Iskolar ng Bayan next year... good thing and sad thing at the same time.. good thing, is that a conviction that i will graduate, of course i have to, and i will.. however, the sad part of it is that possibly, i might not be able to pursue medicine in UP.. nmat score was not good enough... thanks to my "favorite" yfc brother for keep on praying for that.. i have been so weak lately.. i did not do anything, but in fact, i could have still claimed His promise.. i just realized lately that i should claim whatever He reveals me.. whaah.. i am no longer an iskolar ng bayan... hindi na maroon ang aking dugo!!! haha ^_^

but then i have to be prepared.. actually, i am thinking of going to Ateneo.. hmmmmm... still quite confused.. with the fact that they will only accept 80 freshmen students, am i competitive enough to be included in the lucky 80? though my uncle agreed of sending me to ateneo, however, is it there where i really want to spend another 5 years of my life? not so sure up to this moment.. of course, new environment, new people to mingle with, plus, the lifestyle.. darn, it's not me at all! i know i can adopt, and i see it as a challenge actually, but there are some doubts whether will i still be the same me when i am there?

well, people change.. change is the only constant in this world, right? hay.. i am also targetting UERMMC as well.. hay.. wherever He brings me, i put my trust in Him, and just walk along the path that He'll send, coz i know i have Him along the way...