Its been quite a while since the last time I posted here in my blog. Im doing this stuff at 2:51 am on my time. Thanks to the starbucks brewed coffee I ordered around 3pm and white chocolate mocha which I am drinking right now, the factors why I’m kept awake right this very moment. Anyweiz I intend to stay up late coz I have no classes today.. its Tomas Aquinas feast day.
Well, I would say, for the past week, I had lots of difficulties and enjoyments. I had good and bad experiences. So where should I start?
Next stop of bad memories.. in a place where I stay right now, I kinda have misunderstanding with my housemate. It’s been like more than 2 weeks since the “cold” war started. I admit it hurt me a lot, being ignored by the person whom I already considered a very good friend of mine. I admit my mistakes, I know it was my fault. But it hurts me so much feeling that what I’ve done is unforgivable despite the apologies with soo much sincerities I’ve done. I kinda have hard time staying here in my place, so as much as I wanted to be out. Being ignored by the person you like hurts, but it hurts more if you experience this with a friend, if the person you treated as someone you can keep for long time does this to you. But as time passed by, I have to convince my self that there’s nothing I can do. It just fears me that I may get used to feeling of being ignored that I may not care anymore, which I think is starting to happen. I already thought of my self that the old relationship my be hard to bring back. Perhaps it might me my choice to be distant, whether or not the cold war would cease. I do not want the feeling of having good memories with the person when we’re ok, but what if this happens again, the same pain would be felt all over again.. i'm afraid of feeling the same feeling i felt for the past 2 weeks.. believe me, it's doesn't feel good at all…just funny coz the week before the horrible night happened, we were all so good together… I suddenly asked that why is it every time I experience euphoria, there’s always a negative counteract??? If this is so always, I would not wish for sooo much happiness anymore..
But the other side of me contradicts such principle. Why not make it the other way around? If there’s a bad thing that happened, there could be a good counteract, right?
Looking at the bright side, there are also good memories for the week that passed. With my grades, well, in nuero, physio, and biochem, I got a grade of 80+ already.. though I already got to improve my grades, but they are still on the border, as reflected by my first shift grades.. (waaahh.. first shift really was a nightmare!) But I want to congratulate my self for improving.. and this inspires me to work harder. If I made it to improve my second shift and improve more on my 3rd shift, I know it’s possible to improve more this 4th shift.. only that I need to focus more.. triple my focus.. or may be 100x more focus!!!!!
But getting good grades isn’t just the effect of all these things.. I might be losing a friend (which I hope not), but I feel there are lots of them around me.. my classmates, my sisses, my old friends, who are there for me, assist me in my academics and at the same time listen to all my dramas and balances my stress by making me smile.. one thing I’m proud of, is that I am always blessed with good friends, which are kept for long terms.. and I know they are real friends, not just in good times.. I know it, coz that’s what my heart told me… ^_
So much for these things… lately I have crying nights, lonely nights, especially when I am alone. I felt so weak and helpless, with all the stress out there.. only when I’m alone that I come to these kind of realizations. I miss my family a lot.. I remember one night last week, I cried while looking at the family picture. I was talking to the picture! Imagine??? Haha.. but good thing I have friends out there whom I can reach via text msg that I felt their presence and calm me down..
posted by
cRiSziE @
2:56 PM
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