Ei there bloggers out there! I am back! So far, not so good… it’s already 1:20 on my watch but I haven’t eaten my lunch yet..i am here right now at medical informatics center, doing almost all the research thingies for the sgd and other assignments…
Well, first shift has already ended, and without realizing we’re already on our second shift! Wow.. that’s so fast.. the last time I remembered was the freshmen orientation at the med auditorium, being just a quiet organism observing my new environment. Really, the past 2 months of my life involved fluctuating emotions and extremes experiences. I have been into numerous depressing moments, though it may not be very obvious with my smiles and laughters, but deep inside me, most especially whenever I am alone, I could not stop to ask my self, what’s happening? What am I doing? What are these things for? A lot of times I felt like I am just a student, and not foreseeing the endpoint of all these things: that I will have a very noble job wherein I will be able to reach out to people and at the same time, gain their respect.
My first shift is a failure, I admit. I got failing grades. I kept asking my self, “have I learned anything?” Why is it that during examinations, I could not get the passing score, as compared to most of my classmates who get really nice grades! As much as possible, I counterattack those moments that I feel down, would rationalize that if I will be able to like what I am doing, I will survive.. yes I’m surviving, but failing!
But I will not lose hope.. I will still fight this battle.. I had so many shift of attitudes in my mind, most especially in my study habits, and I am glad that we are blessed with 2 consecutive long weekends, that I was able to be utilize my time well and give ample amount of time for my academics.. and of course, as a trademark of my self, there’s still time for enjoyment and socialization!
Yes.. shifting on another mode, another story.. last night was just an amazing night.. aside from being back on my alma mater, University of the Philippines Manila, another incident happened that I could tell I was able to face one of my greatest fears, which I will tell later.. ;-)
So what happened last night? Well, I was in UP College of Medicine, watched Lady Med, a gay contest for straight guys… I really missed UP on that aspect, where people are very liberated thinkers and radical.. where in it is ok for a straight guy to join a contest like that, without any embarrassments or fears of being judged by other people… that’s the freedom I have been missing since the last day I stepped out of UP and the first day I entered another institution.. during my premed days, I knew I have nothing to worry about of how people will judge me or how they will look unto me, coz I know, it really doesn’t matter.. what matters is how you stand for your point and of course, what’s inside that bone we call skull.. last night was also a good opportunity for me to see again old friends, though they were not my classmates then, the bio people, but I felt good to be with them, thinking that all of us are now on the same path of life..
So what’s the great fear naman? Since the day that I texted micko that I liked him a lot, I thought of what could have happen if I meet him again in person.. do I still have the face to see him, and talk to him or even say hi to him.. surprisingly last night, I finally ended with those thoughts. Yes, after the Lady Med, I saw him the last minute, and good thing, he was the first to say hi.. just then I knew that what I did was not a big deal for him, and I have nothing to worry about.. now I could finally move on with my old, manang, attitude, who was so afraid of showing her affections for the person she likes…I just do not know yet that person whom I could show the real, brave me.. let’s wait and see and be surprised nalang!!!!
Another shift of the story, and I bet the third story here on my entry.. I just realized something, I need to have a change of environment.. after the first shift, I felt like I need to be with people who have the same routine as mine.. my classmates is what I am pertaining to.. it may be sad and hard for me to leave my present place, with all the memories even in a short period of time, but I suddenly felt the urge to move out.. I just pray that we (my classmates) may be able to find a place during the sembreak and be able to move out at the end of this semester.. otherwise, I have no choice but to stay, which is good in the aspect of my relationship with my housemates.. however, there’s just one housemate of mine whom I’m missing.. he was not talking to anyone of us for almost 2 weeks, and I am certain that all of us there misses our kuya Norman.. we were wondering what could he have been up to lately… for sure he was so tired because he’s now on his clerkship.. or could he have undergoing the “quitting moments” again??? I hope not.. but with his personality, I guess it will be able to let him that way, and just wait for the time that he’ll start talking to us again.. I just hope if given the chance that I will really move out, he’ll be back to that person I knew even for a short time..
It’s a long weekend.. as much as I wanted to go home, but due to dengue fever outbreak in Tanauan, Batangas, I’d rather stay here.. and of course, I need to study.. study.. study… ;-)
Well, first shift has already ended, and without realizing we’re already on our second shift! Wow.. that’s so fast.. the last time I remembered was the freshmen orientation at the med auditorium, being just a quiet organism observing my new environment. Really, the past 2 months of my life involved fluctuating emotions and extremes experiences. I have been into numerous depressing moments, though it may not be very obvious with my smiles and laughters, but deep inside me, most especially whenever I am alone, I could not stop to ask my self, what’s happening? What am I doing? What are these things for? A lot of times I felt like I am just a student, and not foreseeing the endpoint of all these things: that I will have a very noble job wherein I will be able to reach out to people and at the same time, gain their respect.
My first shift is a failure, I admit. I got failing grades. I kept asking my self, “have I learned anything?” Why is it that during examinations, I could not get the passing score, as compared to most of my classmates who get really nice grades! As much as possible, I counterattack those moments that I feel down, would rationalize that if I will be able to like what I am doing, I will survive.. yes I’m surviving, but failing!
But I will not lose hope.. I will still fight this battle.. I had so many shift of attitudes in my mind, most especially in my study habits, and I am glad that we are blessed with 2 consecutive long weekends, that I was able to be utilize my time well and give ample amount of time for my academics.. and of course, as a trademark of my self, there’s still time for enjoyment and socialization!
Yes.. shifting on another mode, another story.. last night was just an amazing night.. aside from being back on my alma mater, University of the Philippines Manila, another incident happened that I could tell I was able to face one of my greatest fears, which I will tell later.. ;-)
So what happened last night? Well, I was in UP College of Medicine, watched Lady Med, a gay contest for straight guys… I really missed UP on that aspect, where people are very liberated thinkers and radical.. where in it is ok for a straight guy to join a contest like that, without any embarrassments or fears of being judged by other people… that’s the freedom I have been missing since the last day I stepped out of UP and the first day I entered another institution.. during my premed days, I knew I have nothing to worry about of how people will judge me or how they will look unto me, coz I know, it really doesn’t matter.. what matters is how you stand for your point and of course, what’s inside that bone we call skull.. last night was also a good opportunity for me to see again old friends, though they were not my classmates then, the bio people, but I felt good to be with them, thinking that all of us are now on the same path of life..
So what’s the great fear naman? Since the day that I texted micko that I liked him a lot, I thought of what could have happen if I meet him again in person.. do I still have the face to see him, and talk to him or even say hi to him.. surprisingly last night, I finally ended with those thoughts. Yes, after the Lady Med, I saw him the last minute, and good thing, he was the first to say hi.. just then I knew that what I did was not a big deal for him, and I have nothing to worry about.. now I could finally move on with my old, manang, attitude, who was so afraid of showing her affections for the person she likes…I just do not know yet that person whom I could show the real, brave me.. let’s wait and see and be surprised nalang!!!!
Another shift of the story, and I bet the third story here on my entry.. I just realized something, I need to have a change of environment.. after the first shift, I felt like I need to be with people who have the same routine as mine.. my classmates is what I am pertaining to.. it may be sad and hard for me to leave my present place, with all the memories even in a short period of time, but I suddenly felt the urge to move out.. I just pray that we (my classmates) may be able to find a place during the sembreak and be able to move out at the end of this semester.. otherwise, I have no choice but to stay, which is good in the aspect of my relationship with my housemates.. however, there’s just one housemate of mine whom I’m missing.. he was not talking to anyone of us for almost 2 weeks, and I am certain that all of us there misses our kuya Norman.. we were wondering what could he have been up to lately… for sure he was so tired because he’s now on his clerkship.. or could he have undergoing the “quitting moments” again??? I hope not.. but with his personality, I guess it will be able to let him that way, and just wait for the time that he’ll start talking to us again.. I just hope if given the chance that I will really move out, he’ll be back to that person I knew even for a short time..
It’s a long weekend.. as much as I wanted to go home, but due to dengue fever outbreak in Tanauan, Batangas, I’d rather stay here.. and of course, I need to study.. study.. study… ;-)
posted by
cRiSziE @
1:44 PM
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