for more than a month, a strange feeling was bothering me.. the questions of "what if?" or "how am i supposed.." that kept running on my mind... i knew it would took me more than enough strenght to face the answers in these questions... and i am just glad i did! after days and nights of praying to grant me enough strenght and wisdom.. after being so paranoid about the situation... after thinking of proper excuses to defend my side..finally, i made it! yesterday!

i remembered before leaving the house, i have been praying that may i speak the right words.. may i do the right actions... and that my eyes would reveal my sincerity.... though i haven't come yet to the finale of my thoughts, but at least i already made a first step... all i have to do is to be consistent to my statements and continuously seek the help of our Lord... in the least possible way, i am very very thankful for the strength..

lesson learned: 1. do not be over paranoid... the more you think of so many possibilities, the more you'll get bothered...nothing's wrong in anticipating the possibilities of the future... but do not complicate them... it would be better to face the future with full confidence and at the same time, "chill" mode... 2. seek the help of other people... your friends are there to enlighten you... in times like this, that you are bothered and pressured, you fail to see the bigger picture of the outside world.. we have people around us to describe the situation from the outside perspective... they are ready to suggest what could be done, and give them the due credit of consideration... however, the final decision have to come from you, and no one else! 3. and finally, seek the help of God... in everything you do, just pray to Him and lift up everything to Him.... pray that you will be granted wisdom and courage... all you have to do is trust Him! of course, do not forget to do your part, as the saying goes: "do your best and God will do the rest!"...... believe me, it's tried and tested... it worked for me for so many times!!!!!

soon enough, days from now, another school year i have to face... just ended my practicum, and now, i am to face another year in CAS... as a SENIOR stud! oh my!!! am i this old enough??? nah!!!! what matters for me are all the experiences i had and the lessons i learned... i met a lot of people and faced a lot of obstacles... i am just thankful coz they all made me a better person...