just took my supper.. and guess what it was: noodles... this is the consequence you get if you have to tie up your pockets to make sure you still have something to spend for tomorrow.. it means sacrificing even the thing that is most pleasurable to you: FOOD...

well then, just look at the good side though.. lately, i have observed that i am getting bigger and bigger.. it's about time to reduce my diet.. the next stop, i get to save money, which i think i really should.. poor life.. i do not know how will i survive next year.. i would like to see my senior life to be a fun and carefree, despite all the responsibilities which i know i would surely enjoy (thesis, BESTSOC, med application?).. i suddenly thought of questioning my application for med.. with all the financial difficulties faced by my family.. though i know there would be generous people who are willing to help.. but thinking about my family.. i hate the situation.. why should money be always the root of everything? why should the shortage of it affect one's life? should should it gives way for a person to make a choice and later on end on giving up her own happiness? i know i really wanted to pursue medicine.. but the ONLY thing that makes me doubt on pursuing my dream is my family.. if right now, financial difficulties are things that i experience, what more? but then, the present and real issue is that HOW SHOULD I SURVIVE SENIOR YEAR? i wanted to hate people yet i can't.. i could not afford to get mad at them coz in the first place, there is no valid reason.. and thinking at the past things that they have done for me, i'm such a bad person if i would do so.. but then, i am fed up with the situation that i am stuck to something that all i can do to get out is to help my self..!!!..

lots of ironic things i have to face this june.. like, i would want to concentrate on my studies, as much as possible, have high grades to graduate with honors.. and with be able to take the responsibilities in the organization as well as my church service.. but then, i also have to consider the possibility of finding a source of income.. my sister's currently unemployed.. i could not blame her, coz in the first place, in real life, i am not her responsibility, she already has a family of her own and well, a baby.. but what i would like to see is the help of a sister, of a family, coz it was a rule of the family who supported us in our college education.. why am i saying these words? am i becoming a bad girl? may be i am.. but what should i do then? i would like to say that i could do these things.. i could survive.. but hey, i am also rational enough to remember i am not a super woman! i also have my weaknesses, in fact, that is exactly how i feel right now, that i am a weak person.. a helpless girl, who looks as if always cool, chill, but deep inside me, i know i am carrying a burden.. and even right now, i could feel that i already started carrying the small portion of it.. i may be hard to understand, but the only person who could understand me is someone who undergoes the same dilemma as i do, and of course, someone who are willing to understand.. but i do not want people to pity me.. i also do not want to distub other people, coz i know, they also have their own things to do in their respective lives.. i do not want to become a burden to them.. but what should i do????

i have my friends whom i can talk these things on.. but still, each one of us also thinks of other responsibilities of their own.. i want to believe i could do past these things.. and i know, that as ling as i have God in my life, things will someday get better.. i do not want to let go of Him.. coz for me, even though the whole world turn their backs on me, He is there up above who will always be at my side and will never let me go.. i do believe.. it's tried and tested.. i would want to think, that there are reasons why these things happen, why do i have to encounter these events of my life, why i do have to think a lot on these matter.. i may have not known it as of the moment, but i am sure, time will come i would be thankful for this.... God please provide me with enough strenght of the body and mind.. and allow me to pass this obstacle and chapter of my life... and i know, i have friends, people i could talk to and who continuously bring joy to me.. they are God's creation, and i know they are sent to me for a purpose...that is, to make me feel how much He loves me....