i honestly got depressed, just recently... as i opened my mail, i was hoping to receive a positive response.. the only thing that i see as a solution to my problems... and until now, there was no definite plan on how should i go on with my senior year.. i was hoping to receive a reply that regards to my allowance problems... but then, try to look at the bright side... though my expectations of reading a positive response did not turn out as it is, i still got a response of thanks and appreciation on the mother's day ecard from my auntie.. it's a good feeling when you receive a thank you from something you did but not expecting anything in return... a simple thank you means a lot! i would like to rationalize this way: may be, they are still discussing on the boards about my situation... if should they consider me or not... hay.. i pray hard that the former would be the decision...

so many suprising things happened today.. though.. just like a few seconds ago.. there was a sudden cut of electricity.... and the raining is currently pouring fast and hard... i could hear the heavy drops from my room here in the dormitory... whew!

then this morning, i had my first behavior modification technique session with my patient who happens to have ADHD... at first, it was my boss who handled, as i was observing... then later on, she let me handle it and left me alone with the patient... it's a good thing that one of my co-interns was there to assist me... somehow i could say that i was able to establish a rapport with him (my px).... he remembers my name... though at first he was hard headed, later on he behaved.. there was even one incident with which i was really touched... after he did what was asked from him to do, he sat on my lap and lean his face on my shoulders... the same thing he did to his parents... that kid was really malambing.. i really appreciated it and suddenly became soft-hearted towards him....

then, this afternoon, as i was having my follow up with my patients, i was in the ward and left my celfone on my bag... when i went back to our callroom, and looked at my celfone, there was one miscall that appeared...from an unknown landline number... i was worried that it could have been from the tutorial center that i applied for.. when i arrived to the dorm, my friend was waiting for me there.. i told her about that incident, and she suggested me to call back that numbr..so stupid of me, i did not think of that! and so i called... it was from Convergys... the call center i applied for...the person on the other line said that they will call me tomorrow for my schedule... hay.. it's a call center... if that job is for me, then may be i would survive...if not, i am prepared...

then grocery day! gosh, money just slip from my hands... i purchased few items worth php250... gosh, that is very expensive... buying only a few snacks and some toiletries, it totalled that much! hay!!!!

i was supposed to have dinner with my blockmates today, unfortunately, it was postponed because the boyfriend of one supposedly be with that dinner, surprised her... (i just noticed, this day was the boyfriend day!2 of my co-interns were visited by their lovechuva in the ward today! and one even bought us yakult and cotton candy...hmmm... that's good!hehe)....

so i just decided to eat dinner after grocery with irene... we ate at isawan! to my surprise, i saw "him" walking along the street where the isawan was located... he was not with his brod, so i guess he's his soon-to-be classmate in med school! i guess they are already working on their admission for the college of med this june! the funny thing is, i found my self following him... i was walking at their backs, very careful that i have to hide on the cars in order not to be seen.. but they stopped at the corner of the street, so i had to stay behind the cars that were parked on the street, fearing that i might be seen... they stayed there for a long time.. so i decided to retreat and go back to the isawan with my friend.. gosh! i did not expect it... there was a sudden rush... but unlike before, i could control it not to last for long time... so we ate our dinner, when the heavy rains fell... his brod and his brod's gf happen to be there too... and when the rain poured down, they sit in the same table as ours... but no big deal... we have our own conversation, and so they were...i just thought, what if "he" was back to his boarding house, with which he could see his brod, he could have stayed there too... oh my, i bet, i would not be able to eat well if that happened... good thing, it did not! after dinner, we went back to rob, hopefully i could find him again.. but it was a failure... i just saw his other brod in powerbooks... hehe... with that, i was once again reminded to be satisfied... i was just thankful that i saw him, in the most unexpected way! and i could say that the feelings i have for him are not that as intensed as before.... as in totally far...

hay... i am carrying so many burdens... so many things to do and think... but if i let them affect and conquer my whole self, damn, i'll definitely get crazy.. so right now, i am doing my best to chill... actually, the worst thing that bothers me is my allowance... monetary problems.. until now, there is no concrete answer to my problem... i am just thankful, that a good friend of mine who already graduated and experienced worse of what i am experiencing now, understands my situation! she lend me an amount that is helpful... i just have to think on how should i repay her... i just pray, so hard, that may there be answers to my problems.... Lord, i lift up everything to you... i ask for finances, and the most important thing, is Your grace, to keep me strong and keep my faith on your side all the time, despite the negatives that i encounter... Lord, i lift up everything to You!