i finally got my thoughts.. 5 hours after since i started getting my thoughts, only now that i got motivated to start.. it's 3:16 am.. and still im awake.. good thing though coz i finally caught my brother jerrik online.. and even saw him via webcam.. then one more thing, called him on the celfone.. (thanks to SUN Cellular for a very low oversease call rate of P5/minute--->nagpromote pa daw)... i'm watching them right now via web cam as they eat their breakfast..

what am i supposed to write about again? well, finally i made a decision.. after being stressed for the past week of deciding whether to go or stay, i finally chose to stay in my dorm, despite all the struggles i faced in the past and the convenience that awaits me as i move to another place.. i even spent 2 and a half sticks of cigars this week to counteract the stress i have been..

i came to a point of 90-10 decision.. 90% move out, 10% stay.. and even the night before i met tami, that was wednesday night, i had 100% move out decision...i wrote down my goals.. and the factors affecting, be it good or bad, on achieving my goals..

but then the next day, i met with my sister, accompanied her to trinoma to buy for her grad dress.. then over lunch she told me stuff about the life my parents have in US.. and i realized it really wasn't easy.. i felt guilty then, the fact that they are working hard, and they have to support a more expensive housing for me.. i would be selfish, as i thought.. perhaps the best thing that i could do for them is to save the best that i could.. and not to give them too much expenses here for me.. if i would compute the possible expenses if i would move to another dorm, that would be around 4K=$100.. though my mom told me that they would do their best to sustain my housing needs and all other needs for my medical education, it became a personal decision for me to stay to the old place wherein they have to pay only 2750.. the remaining 1250 could have been my savings so that in case of emergencies, i would not need to disturb them anymore.. or even they can use the balance for their own expense abroad, right? i told my mom that i will take the next step of deciding if i would still want to move out when the time comes that they are already stable in US.. and when they finally bought a house.. i am willing to wait then.. i want to live comfortable here in the Philippines only when they are comfortable abroad... it really was tami that i have waited to find my answers.. and another thing, even found a verse in the Bible that at some point affected my decision to stay....

i knew that when it comes to family involvement, i become too emotional.. i knew that i am willing to give up anything for my family.. more now that they are giving up a lot of things for me, and the best thing that i could do to help them is to minimize whatever expense i have here...

hay.. i hope my false-alarm roomates steph and crysel would understand my decision.. now i have to face the shame of backing out to my original decision.. and i even have to talk to the owner of the dormitory i am supposed to live at..

i may not know the effect of my decision particularly in my studies.. but whatever it takes, i will do my very best to perfom better in my academics on my sophomore year.. but one thing i realized after these confusions.. that my housemates right now is really a family..they are there to replace the absence i feel on my immediate family.. i felt at some point that they do not want me to leave.. and i knew that i have a value for them.. whatever it takes, my housemates in Lacson St. would be for keeps forever.. ^_^