my mind is currently preoccupied.. actually, i have been doing lots of thinking since this morning.. i know i have to let go of the things i have been thinking.. but then i do not know where and how to start..

all i could remember is that i felt totally sad today.. i was taking a bath with my tears falling from my eyes.. i know i have been undergoing lots of things lately.. but am i just too weak to face them detail by detail? i know i do not want to think about the things that bother my mind... but the more i hesitate to do so, the more i feel i am weak..

i have been praying that may God send me someone who could remind me of my spirituality and would help me light up the fire that i know little by little disappears.. my service seems out of tune.. i could no longer have my 10pm prayer time, though my celfone rings everyday that time, but i always fail to pray.. the worse thing, is that, i fail on purpose.. what is as short as 5minute prayer, right? i am really out of path.. even with lots of difficulties in life, as long as the fire is always on flame, things will go smoothly.. but i have been asking, what happened to that fire that once bloom? help... (oh please Lord, i really need guidance today.. how i wish i could talk to my brothers and sisters or anyone who would understand and listen to my grievances)...

i have been reading a book by Francis Kong: The Early Bird Catches the Worm but the Second Mouse Always Gets the Cheese... i have lots of realization.. the book is indeed great! i am not here to advertise the book, because first and foremost, it needs not too much publicity because it could be popular with the word of mouth, and in the first place, it was not made for publicity, but to help people be on the right track and how to deal life smoothly.. all of the articles are my favorite, but my most favorite part is "Things i can do today".. actually, it is about looking at the positive side of everyday life.. every small detail you encounter, be it good or bad.. as long as you try to appreciate and look at the bright side of everything, instead of keeping on complaining, life will go on lightly.. no matter how toxic or hagard the day is, or even things that you look forward, be thankful.. and try to squeeze out positive.. i hope i could always react on this perspective.. i admire people who could maintain this attitude.. actually, consciously speaking, i know i am keeping my self on this perspective.. but times, especially in "ngarag" moments, i tend to fail...like i think what is happening to me right now...

my sadness is once again rooted in my family.. the feeling of you want to blame someone for all the negative or unlucky things that happen, you cannot..for if you would ask, what benefit could i get? right? it is useless to blame other people, so for my side, i remain very passive about that.. i really really am undergoing very low moments right now.. (for the readers, whoever will be interested to read my blog, if ever there would be), you may think of me as an unusual person.. may be i am.. may be i am not.. all i know is that i have this feeling that i could not do anything to resolve the problem caused by other people.. if only people could lower their pride and learn to forgive and forget.. then there would be one happy family.. and the home would be created, full of love and care.. and if only i could do something, but i guess, i am not enough.. i do not want to lose hope, however, because little by little, the fire disappears, i have the tendency to give up and rather forget and allow these things to happen in my family.. i lift up everything to Him..

i just finished watching MARS... whaah!! it hit me.. can't get over with the story.. perhaps i am becoming an asianovela fan.. whatever! i really appreciated the show! it is not merely about love story.. but i admire the twistS... thumbs up!!! but then, i can't get over with Ling (Vic).. his character is a "wow"!!! every girl could want!!! i thought, does that kind of man with that kind of pure and unconditional love, willing to sacrifice everything and give up his pride and change, for the girl he loves, exists in real life? if he does, i hope i'll gonna meet him...i can't help it watching over and over again... hay.... feels good to be in love..