It feels bad to have a desire at the back of your mind wanting to open up your self to someone yet you are too afraid to do it so. Playing the games… It touched our discussion during our last session of our Gender and Human Behavior class. The difference between the sexes, how they deal with each other, the behavior of men toward women and vice versa, but what stuck in my mind is the discussion about the games being played by the people. Most of the articles presented by my classmates were about the games it self, like How to attract Mr. Right, How it keep him hooked, and the likes… Same applies for men…. I was pretty surprised that in real world, you should be competitive, or else you will end up “loser”…. But during the discussion I reacted, such that “if you play the games, you end up losing your identity.” By not being natural with yourself, you keep your flaws, and try to look almost perfect. My professor then said: “But sometimes, those who do not play the games are usually the once who end up not having a partner!”… Oh my, it hit me! As in like, I suddenly thought of giving the game plays a second thought. I suddenly felt like I would like to consider….
Those magazines, like Seventeen, Cosmopolitan, and other fashion magazines, are some of the materials I enjoy reading. When I was younger, I almost treat those teenage magazines like a bible! (No offense to my religion!) As in I always find my self reading the section that has something to do with the interaction with boys…. The rules, the pieces of advice given, the moves.. those are the articles I really enjoy reading…. I was really, honestly, trying hard to follow those that are stated in the articles I have read… one thing I remember most, is that, most articles say that boys would go for demure girls more than that of loud girls.. I kinda proved it right when I was in high school. I tell you, I am one of the girls who is loud, active, and the hardest person you would imagine being demure… I was one of the boys, such that I do not have to act like another person when I am with those group… even my peers, well, birds of the same feather flock together, right adorables?!!! But there’s this guy that I was really into him… well, at least for 3 years!!! I am aware though that he wants someone who was demure, shy, and moves fine… and believe me, I tried to change my self, for quite a while… as in I limited my moves, I trained my self to be fine, but I SURRENDERED!!!! I cannot make it… to be a person who I am really not… and would never be… so then, I stopped trying out different behaviors (that has something to do with the total make over of my personality)…. It was then that I marked in my mind that it would be better to be in my utmost natural way. So then, this is who I am… but I reflecting back in our class discussion and the impact of the words of my professor…. Should I play the game… but the dilemma is, I do not know how….. and I do not know the rules….. where should I start, and how would I manage my play while in the middle of the game?
But as of now, I am not interested….. it’s not that hunting is my priority… but I am happy this way… but of course, I am also a girl, who wishes that hopefully, someday, he will come, and do even the least actions I am looking…. /10:27pm/