i suddenly realized last night as i was reviewing for the pedia quiz.. how medicine changed me, my attitude, my beliefs, my principles, and how i look at other people..

few years ago, when my life was still NORMAL, i used to be a very optimistic type of person, who believes and sees the bright side of almost every negative events that bombard my life.. i also knew myself that i am not the judgmental type of person, someone who still tries to see the good components of the individual no matter how bad he/she may appear to me or as what other people tell.

but then, i was alarmed at myself that i am becoming too easily irritated, in little things, like "whissling tune" i always hear almost everyday, or when things that i am anticipating fail to come to its way.. i am not the optimistic type of girl anymore..also, i could easily see the bad aspects of person..what's worse, i get to manifests these changes to people i am so close with, people whom i know deep inside that i would be treasuring maybe forever, people who are so good to me and willing to help me to their fullest.. these are the people who are the first hand exposed to my mood swings..

thanks to my housemate i talked to yesterday, who made me realized, that all these things that i am undergoing at, as well as the things that i am complaining about the people i am mingling with, are all the defense mechanisms. yes, med students are still human beings, and by denying that they have not studied for the exam, or that telling that they just fall asleep, are all defenses brought about by the stressful life we are all undergoing..

right now, i am trying to fix myself.. doing my best to bring back the old me... ^_^