cRiSziE_gHurL

a sad news

2010-11-19T00:19:00.001+08:00

got an email from my dad... my family cannot arrive in time for my graduation this April 2011... :(
some sort of conflict with my little bro's graduation sched as well... gonna be seeing them June 2011 instead... hayyyy...;(

miss them

2010-01-30T21:55:00.002+08:00

i miss my family a lot.. every time i see their photos, the more i long to see them.. talking to them hours on the phone from time to time keeps the feeling of loneliness away... i just miss dad, mom, tami, jek, and jello..

..

2010-01-24T23:15:00.000+08:00

is sooooo confused!

^^

2010-01-12T01:03:00.003+08:00

it feels good knowing i am important to someone...

just nice to hear those words... ^_^

disaster

2009-09-27T23:01:00.004+08:00

it's been a while i kept silent..and now here i am again blogging out my emotions..

24 hours have passed.. i felt so bad.. the whole area is flooded. they have to cut off the electricity. im all by myself sleeping in a dark night with my windows open just to get ventilation.. and no food to eat.. damn! i've been stocking groceries here, and of all the timing, it was last night that all i've got here are noodles..i cannot eat raw noodles..

the sad part is.. around early afternoon, i got a phone call from my sister who happens to live in Sta Mesa.. she's crying, so scared... for the water already reached the level of her neck.. and soon the water might rise and reach the 2nd floor... and it did happen! they still have to destroy the wall just to get out of the house.. the water downstairs is not passable anymore because of the presence of electric current..they have to spend the night to their neighbor who i imagine has higher house than theirs.. im very much worried with my pamangkin.. she's only 4 years old.. and i fear that she might get traumatized... i told my sister to be strong for her daughter..

only this afternood that they were able to checked in in a hotel nearby.. the sad part is, they loss their things.. all the appliances were destroyed.. their beds.. their documents.. everything's gone.. i know it was a disaster.. and traumatizing for them..

i realized. all my bad experiences last night were just a dot as compared to the whole picture of the disaster brought about by typhoon Ondoy.. im still blessed for being secured here in my dormitory, despite sleeping alone in a blackout night..i got to meet new people then.. perhaps gain more friends here..and i'm just thankful that my sister and her family is safe..

when i opened the internet, i felt terribly sad with all the news, photos, and videos posted in the facebook.. i got disconnected to the real world for the last 24 hours.. and i was shocked to hear how much damage Ondoy has created..

and now i think it's about time to return our blessings.. give whatever donation we can give.. and extend our prayers.. our prayers would be the least thing that we can do now..

qt for the day

2009-09-26T12:48:00.000+08:00

"The important thing is not to be bitter over life's disappointments. Learn to let go of the past, and recognize that every day won't... be sunny. And when you find yourself lost in the darkness of despair, remember, it's only in the black of night that you see the stars, and those stars lead you back home." -OTH

evil unleash!

2009-09-02T01:27:00.001+08:00

this is funny! i like winnie monsod.. :) hirap tlaga pag may tinatago... whahehehe:)

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AMSA's ON-CALL Party

2009-08-05T09:12:00.002+08:00

Brought to you by the Asian Medical Students' Association with Tides Hotel Boracay and Jagermeister.

ON-CALL aims to provide a venue for enhancing ties between alumni, members, and future members, the organization aims to start a tradition. AMSA plans to begin the school year with a themed party that reflects an environment familiar to the medical community.
In line with the organization’s innate nature, the event is entitled “On-Call”, whose theme reflects the vocation of the medical community of responding to health emergencies and advocacies.

Focusing on Professional Exchange (one of the 7 advocacy committees of the organization) , a fashion show depicting medical practitioners from different parts of the globe will be the main event of the evening.

There will also be raffle with the following prizes:
1. 3 Days 2 Nights Accommodation in TIDES HOTEL BORACAY for 2 people.
2. La Union Surfing Package for 2 people from Team Urban Break
3. Ace Water spa, wade and more...

Proceeds will go to the membership fee of AMSA-Philippines to the International Federation of Medical Students' Association (IFMSA) and this year's projects

if interested, pls reply on this post or contact Dyan at 09233348043..

FIREPROOF... worth shedding tears... :)

2009-07-25T23:43:00.003+08:00

i've been enjoying blogging movies that i've recently watched.. movies that made an impact on me..

well, the good thing about classes suspension is that i was able to watch the movie FIREPROOF.. it was late last night when a good friend of mine (JC) recommended to me this film.. she told me that i really is a good movie, and that i would really shed tears on this one.. i wasn't convinced.. but then i tried to download it, leaving my laptop open until 9am this morning, only to see a 0% downloading on torrent..

and then this night, after the Monday classes suspension announcement, i thought of loading the parts of the movie on youtube.. and watched it.. waaah, i really cried on the later part of the film.. it's really a heart-touching movie.. highly recommended.. TWO THUMBS UP!!!! ^^ ilove Caleb na!!! ihhihihi <3

fave lines:

When did i stop being good enough for him?

I'm also tired of feeling empty. (Ana) it's so nice to have someone treat you like you've being cared about...

If i haven't told you that you are a good man, you are... If I haven't told you that I've forgiven you, I have.. and if I haven't told you that I love you, I DO....... Isn't it too late to ask you to grow old with me? - Catherine to Caleb

never too late.. MADE OF HONOR

2009-07-15T01:03:00.004+08:00

oh well, instead of studying, i opt to have a break and watch a movie... It's 1:30am, and still has hang over of the movie "MADE OF HONOR" starring Patrick Dempsey and Michelle Monaghan.. only now that i got to watch the film..

**********************

here are my favorite lines:

"Nobody in the world makes me laugh the way you do. You're my best friend. I just want to be with you" - Tom to Hannah

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"You're only doing this now because you're afraid of losing me. I need someone who's gonna be there for me... no matter what happens. Someone who truly loves me. Someone I can trust." - Hannah to Tom

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"You know I pride myself on being honest with everybody. But there's somebody I've been lying to for a very long time: MYSELF. Because the truth is, it's scary. And 10 years ago, I got in bed with the wrong girl. She turned out to be the right one. I love you, Hannah. I always have. And I always will..."

stranded

2009-07-13T00:03:00.001+08:00

Gloomy Sunday evening…heavy rains pouring out.. all alone at my room.. then decided to open the Sbook, that made me realized, I’M STRANDED !for a very long time… praying for the rescue to arrive, to save me from this floating situation…

first timer

2009-05-03T20:45:00.000+08:00

they say first times are always remembered.. and i would agree to that..

today, 05-03-09, at Guagua, Pampanga..i experienced my first medical mission.. actually this is my 2nd, but this time i already faced patients.. thanks to Doc N for inviting me here, and for guiding me.. kahit na toxic ang mga patients ko haha^_^

the highlight of this mission was extravagant foods served to us! a very wow! plus an allowance..hehehe.. the mission was sponsored by Filipino-Chinese community, and most of the volunteers (if not all) are from Metropolitan Hospital... ^_^

basta, i just loved this experience! and i enjoyed everything =) thanks again Doc N!!!! ^_^

adorable getaway

2009-04-27T19:45:00.000+08:00

april 25-26.. my first summer getaway.. with highschool barkada aka ADORABLES... i thought i would be odd to be there alone, w/ no date accompanying.. but then, amy was there.. and we are both single! haha ^_^ so it wasn't much a big deal for me anymore..

anyways, we stayed at PALM TREE RESORT, Barretto, Olongapo, Zambales.. hmmm.. don't attempt to stay there, ok? and if u're looking for a beach ambiance, cross out Subic as your choice.. i don't know, maybe there are other good resorts that we were not able to explore.. anyways, we moved on.. we just made sure we enjoyed ourselves.. with all the food.. in fact, we went there for a FOOD TRIP! hahaha ^_^

our lunch was good! EXTREMELY EXPRESO in Subic! wow! everything in that place is great! and indeed, people stop by there to taste their mouth-watering pizza full of melted cheese and toppings...hmmmmm..if u'll be in that area, make sure to taste their pizza...

the highlight of my weekend vacation was POKER! grabe, it was my first time to play poker.. tnx to my mentor, AMY.. and to my competitors, mike and axis.. hehehe ^_^ next time, i will beat you guys! ^_^ i think i just don't have that beginner's luck.. coz i lost a buy in of P50.. hehehe ^_^

and of course, we would not miss our chismisan galore and reminiscing our highschool memories.. all the fun, the trips.. and the people.. hahaha ^_^

well, maybe we enjoyed ourselves too much that i was not able to take much pictures.. haha.. well, these are some.. with good poses.. hehe =)

ADORABLE LADIES: jo, amy, keg, maco, des
MISSING IN ACTION: trisha, dang, sharney

just after our lunch at Terriyaki Boy in Subic

the only group pic we had.. tnx to the Terriyaki Boy waitress=)

des, amy, keg, jo

maco, amy, des, keg.. still in the resort, before our check out

des, keg, amy... waiting for our pizza and pasta at Extremely Expresso

unang araw sa ER.. ang pedia...

2009-04-21T18:01:00.000+08:00

unang duty ko ngayon sa ER ng PGH.. ako ay nagvolunteer sa Pahinungod.. first rotation: PEDIA... ayun, unang 5 oras ng aking duty, super BORING.. 5 oras na nakaupo.. unang 2 oras, kasama ko yung PH student (ooops, nakalimutan ko ang pangalan nya!sori...).. pagkatapos, dumating naman si Harrell... mabuti nlng at andun sya at may naka-chikka ako.. grabe as in, nakaupo lang kme sa nurses' station.. kahit anong kulit namin sa nurse-on-duty na utusan kami, wala din nmn sila maiutos sa amin dahil benign nmn ang pedia ER (PER).. buti nlng, one hour bago kme umalis, may isang nurse na nagpakuha sa amin ng vital signs ng lahat ng mga patients sa PER.. and ang massabi ko lang... ang hirap pala magkuha ng vital signs ng mga babies!!! as in!!! or siguro kasi hindi pa ako sanay.. first time ko un, actually.. kasi puro adult ang aming mga ginagawan ng mga vitals.. un bp, ang hirap sa mga small babies... and honestly, kahit un pulses nila, waaah... ang hihina.. may iba naman, nawawala bigla..

well, it was a good experience.. but one thing i've realized, ayoko pala mag pedia.. but i still don't know.. this is just what i feel as of the moment, but i'm not closing doors naman.. tom, i'll try a 10pm-6am duty in triage.. buti nlng, may partner ako.. more ER stories to go!! ^_^

big J

2009-04-19T17:18:00.000+08:00

the heat is very intense..i feel like i want to burst.. all the hormonal imbalances.. all the irritations.. all the things that cross my mind... and up to this moment, i feel a big J.... its up to you how would you give meaning to this single letter, so little yet gives me BURDEN!

finally it's over

2009-04-10T04:45:00.001+08:00

i don't know what exactly the time is.. around 4 am or 5am? well, im still awake coz i finished watching the totally addicting BOYS BEFORE FLOWERS... Korean version of Meteor Garden.. for the past three days i have had this lifestyle.. staying up late, oh i mean, as early as 6am! hehehe.. and now, it's over.. still having the hang over of the drama.. i swear, it's worth watching! i highly recommend it, especially to those who are Asianovela addicts!

anyway, apart from the BBF thing, what triggered me to post a blog is the realization that finally, I AM ALREADY THIRD YEAR THIS COMING JUNE! i remember the start of the school year 2008-2009, i had this fear inside me, the fear of failing, for i hear most say that sophomore year is the hardest year level.. i remember a good friend of mine told me that if i pass 2nd year, then there should be no reason to fail in the next year levels.. that second year med school is the most toxic level, and by the time i reach 3rd year, i am already used to the feeling of toxicities of medical school.. if i would flunk in 3rd, then the most probable reason is that i got too lazy... i even remember myself writing on that yellow sticker note saying something like: "don't be afraid of second year med school, just continue to love with what you're doing and PRAY..".. that yellow sticker paper remained in my bulletin board inside my memorable room for the entire school year..

and so this coming june, i'm gonna be in V-neck uniform.. funny to say, that during my battle in my classes (the most memorable, or should i say, horrible, was CLIN PATH), what immediately motivated me to give my best is that i want to wear V-neck this June! being a quadricentennial graduate of UST follows.. and of course my dream of becoming a doctor. behind this dream is my family, who continuously give their support...

a lot of things happened to me for the past 10 months.. in there i laughed, cried out loud, some time cried inside of me that no one can hear , thought in silence, fought, acted dramatically, gossiped, addicted to tv shows though i have no television, dvd hunting in Quiapo (hehehhe), hang out on a Friday night, watched movies with friends even the most baduy movie there is, ate as if there's no tomorrow, drunk, shopped and window shopped, addicted... caffeine, smoked.... weed (jooke!), cared (and searched/found care), learned to depend (too much) on some people, loved someone, and even more.... i could say that i grew up a year more matured than who i was before.. though i have still some issues left unresolved, but i know i will come back to them and meet them face to face..These tears and joys that i had experienced would not be this exciting and memorable without people who have been with me for that past 10 months.. sad though it may be, that some said goodbye, some have taken a break, but in the end, i believe, that these people will gonna be treasured, forever..

way to go med school! ^_^

4am thoughts

2009-04-06T00:33:00.000+08:00

i'm still missin' you.. i've kept my distance, yet slip moments there were thoughts of you, the good times we had, all the laughters we shared.. you're such a fool for being to distant, very abrupt, not giving me time to adjust in loosing what we had, in loosing you.. and so am i, for after all you've done, all i think of is still you...
i want to hate you, but i can't! =(

i can wait forever by simple plan

2009-03-22T15:53:00.000+08:00

"I Can Wait Forever"

You look so beautiful today
When you're sitting there it's hard for me to look away
So i try to find the words that i could say
I know distance doesn't matter but you feel so far away
And I cant lie
Every time I leave my heart turns gray
And I want to come back home to see your face
And I
Cause I just cant take it

Another day without you with me
Is like a blade that cuts right through me
But I can wait
I can wait forever
When you call my heart stops beating
When you're gone it wont stop bleeding
But I can wait
I can wait forever

You look so beautiful today
It's like every time I turn around I see your face
The thing I miss the most is waking up next to you
When I look into your eyes, I wish that I could stay
And I cant lie
Every time I leave my heart turns gray
And I want to come back home to see your face
And I
Cause I just cant take it

Another day without you with me
Is like a blade that cuts right through me
But I can wait
I can wait forever
When you call my heart stops beating
When you're gone it wont stop bleeding
But I can wait
I can wait forever

I know it feels like forever
I guess that's just the price I gotta pay
But when I come back home to feel your touch
Makes it better
Till that day
Theres nothing else that I can do
And I just cant take it
I just cant take it

Another day without you with me
Is like a blade that cuts right through me
But i can wait
I can wait forever (I can wait forever)
When you call my heart stops beating
When you're gone it wont stop bleeding
But I can wait
I can wait forever
I can wait forever
I can wait forever...

friends are blessings

2009-02-04T09:05:00.003+08:00

grabe.. i just realized how blessed i am with friends.. as in.. amidst these problematic days, with all the stuffs that make me feel sad and worried, there are even more times that i tend to forget these things when i am with friends.. or when i am just alone, just remembering the memories already make me smile.. i may not be as lucky with my lovelife, but with my friendslife, i am indeed more than blessed!!!!

as what i always remember during my yfc days.. that friends you meet and have in life are indeed blessings. and that they are meant for you. who would imagine that in this very big world, the friends you are surrounded with are these particylar people? well, God really has a purpose for this.. and we are called by God to call each other FRIENDS...

keeping the faith....

2009-02-01T13:52:00.000+08:00

problems come and go... and i believe God won't give me any problems i cannot handle..
in moments like this, as if everything unfavorable seems to pile up... they all come together...

my parents have their health complains right now.. my dad has frequent dyspnea relieved by drinking a glass of water.. he had a threadmill test and his heart was ok naman daw.. but still, i told him to have an ecg... then my mom had inflammation on the lower border of her breast.. she had 4 x-ray shots.. then nid to have lab tests and undergo ct-scan... and what keeps me hurting is that i cannot do anything but to wait.. and do my thing here as a student..

and this student responsibilities that i am afraid i am not performing very well.. got a failing grade in patho for the third shift.. as in 69! it really makes me feel down.. and feel as if im such a dumb... not being able to cope up with the subjects... how can i do my patho while banking points for pharma? oh Lord..

family matters always come first.. and i admit that is my weakness... for the past 1 week, i had no one to talk to the totality of my problems.. yes, bit by bit i get to share the stuff to my friends, a part of the story.. but only today that i finally was able to spill the beans together with the tears to my classmate kaye.. thanks kaye.. though we only talked sa ym.. and at least, i was able to release a some of my tears..

now, i don't feel alone... i have my friends who i can rely on.. and most of all, i have God.. sabi nga nila, just keep the faith.. and i pray that i may be able to surpass these things.. be able to focus to my studies, and give my family good health at all times.. ..

be POSITIVE...

teardrops

2008-12-09T12:32:00.000+08:00

december 8, 200810:53 pm at my room

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i kinda feel anxious now... after i took a jog this afternoon, i thought i would have some sort of tension release within me... for a while, it worked... jogging making my mind blank for some time.. free from the thoughts that do not ran out of my mind, things that no matter how hard i try not to think of, keep coming back every now and then...

and this night, i know i don't feel fine.. i really wanted to cry, to burst out these tears that have been stucked since the last time i cried, about the month of june or july maybe, all that i remembered was i was crying over the phone talking to my dad then to my sister, oversease, because i was having hard time with my studies, particularly with clinpath..

so much for that, i felt the absence of my family. i wanted to talk to them right now on the fone...i want to hear their voice, to know every details happening to them, be it good or bad... i know they're hiding their struggles and pains, and all that they tell me when we talk are the good news.. i know, 100% confident, that there are tears behind every laughters, pains behind every good news.. and now i can clearly understand how life is difficult for them abroad.. i feel guilty that they have to feel these hardships because of me, because they need to sustain my needs here, my studies...now i am crying... at last! tears are already starting to fall on my eyes.. finally my eyes are cleansed once again.. i really miss them, a lot.. i felt like i'm so unfair, being too dependent, not knowing where to start, to help them with their struggles. i miss them so much. more aggravated by the people i am living with right now.. an almost complete family, eating together, laughing together.. i know the joy they have together as one family.. and better for them, celebrating Christmas together.. i know this is not the first Christmas i'll gonna be spending without my family, but now, i feel so empty.... i just wish they'll be happy in there.. and always be safe and healthy.. free from any harm or danger... i wish time would ran fast, that i will be able to graduate, become someone they'll gonna be proud of, and be able to find a career to help them.. i remembered, i was so excited to help my family, imagined my self sending my brothers to college... but then, twist of fate, that it was my brother and younger sister who was helping my parents to send me to this very expensive professional school i am in right now..

all i know is that i do not want to give my parents any disappointments.. i want to make my path straight, be responsible in everything that i do.. and i guess that would be my principle until i achieve my dreams, and perhaps, forever.....

I KNOW NOW WHAT I WANT

2008-12-01T21:56:00.004+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE....

start the month right, right? =) i received lots of texts about the smiley night sky.. but unlucky as i am, i still have to cross the Espana to search for the moon, too bad i did not...was it the pollution that covers the sky of our area? probably yes...

anyway, my week's gonna be a very toxic one. as if chances do not favor me, or even the rest of my subsec.. but well, i know we can...

love love love.. everybody as if have a hang-over of the vampire charm of edward!!!! every girl would want to have their edwards too.. me too!!!! but then, he is not for real.. (when i found my edward, i will not share him to anyone!!!! hahahaah!!!)... one thing that strike me about that edward thing is the protection i want to find from someone... the protective and caring attitude of him melt every girl's heart... i just realize, the person whom i thought has the potential of being my "edward" is very far from the reality.. well then, last night i was with him, then i told my self that this guy cannot protect me from dangers.. i could not feel the security i would want to feel whenever i am with him.. i did it on purpose to spend time with him, gauging myself if i would have the courage to clarify things in our past.. but i guess it doesn't matter anymore, cause i already know the answer.. whatever we had will just be part of a fruitful friendship we are still to share forever..

well now i am glad, coz i finally know what i want.. do not need to be hooked up with my past.. i know whom i want, i want.. i am not saying there is one particular person i am pertaining to, i am also not saying there isn't.. whatever truth lies underneath, i'll just continue to share my care to people i care, extend my help to those who need mine, and give my company to those who want, to those who wish to know me more... like the love in twilight, it's called UNCONDITIONAL....

run criszie run....

2008-11-24T12:24:00.000+08:00

i never thought running would be this good. a feeling of being free from any undesirable thoughts, from the issues around the world and within me...

it was sunday afternoon, left my dorm at 3:50, planning to attend a 4pm mass at UST church,then jog around the campus by 5pm. surprisingly, there was no 4pm mass. instead, what i witnessed when i arrived was a wedding. i knew that i already arrived in the middle of the mass wedding, so i was in caught between deciding to wait for the mass or start jogging instead (but i have to face the consequence of being so sweaty when i attend the 5pm mass..) apparently, for whatever reasons, i don't know i choose not to wait inside the church and witness the wedding of couple i do not know.

and there i go, i walk on the first block of UST field, warming up my muscles. then i jog with my sounds on... i did not realize that i already made up a few rounds, though i'm getting tired, but i still want to go on. my signal of entering the church was the bridal car parked in front of the church, and when i saw that the car was gone, i knew it was a signal for me to enter the church...
jogging with the cold breeze gave me warm feeling, giving me time to think positively for my self, reflecting on the things that happened in the past, and things that i still want to do and to be in my future. and after few weeks of having struggles with my self, i think i am getting the answers.
i learned that sometimes, running is not bad, as long as you are not running from your past, but running FORWARD for your future. it's not bad to slow down and walk in between. future is not in our hands, what we can only hold on to is our present, what we have. if you feel tired in the middle of this journey, it's ok, admit it! sometimes, these tiring events in our lives add more color to our experiences, allowing us not to missed the good things yet to experience...

as i end this post, i just want to share few lines that i took down from the November issue of Cosmopolitan magazine, which i knew would help me achieving what i want to be, and hopefully for you too...

Stand out at the workplace because of initiative and hardwork, not because of mere kayabangan.
As long as i am driven to work hard, i'll get what i deserve, at my own pace.

Personal competence is knowing yourself and doing the most you can with what you have.
Possibilites are endless, but leaning into your own discomfort is the only way to change. so for once, take the long route.

i chose...

2008-11-24T12:22:00.000+08:00

waiting was a choice...i felt like doing the right thing, though no one can prove that this is right, unless i've come to that point of knowing everything, perhaps the greatest challenge would be my acceptance to the circumstances that i am yet to know. i chose to stay by ur side, even though you're giving me away. i chose to stay, despite the fact that you may be happy to see me with someone else... i chose to stay though you cannot set eyes on me.. though you see me in the plain-est way that i am...and still i chose to stay, despite the ignoring circumstances, the words left unfulfilled...though everything has quite changed. i wish i could still choose to stay.. to long to listen to your stories, be delighted to see your expressions, to hear your laughters. i want to stay as long as i can.. but now i have come to the point of realizing that i have to think of myself this time... i have my needs, that i know from the very start you cannot provide.. i cannot let you realize that i am someone not just an ordinary girl..nor anyone else i can let them do.. but the best thing to do, is to start realizing that myself.. start trusting my self once again, building the woman i really wanted to be..sometimes i wish that you can be with me as i find myself, but i know you would not even care.. i need to do this myself..there are things that i wanted to achieve, things that i wanted to do much more for other people. whatever to chose to choose right now, i will still be here by your side. things may not be like before, but whenever you need me, i will still make myself available in my best-est way..i hope that time will come that you will make me feel that you need me too...=(

unspoken feelings

2008-11-22T13:04:00.000+08:00

something that hits me from the inside.. guess this is the best way to describe my status right now........

Pain grows faster everyday,, confusion and misunderstood statement kills the person completely,.

i handle myself very well,from a single strand of my personality up to the hidden locket inside of me. laughter is always on me, a smile is always present on my face,,though it’s faking,,. everybody thought they understand me,, but none of them really do,, they said i was childish and irresponsible, my decisions are always out of control, that i am impulsive, but none of them sees the other side,well i can’t blame them,,coz im used to hiding things and letting them on critisizing me, " who cares"?? i will still smile and walk away, though it’s killing me inside,, only my own reflection can see,.

" I wish i can be someone, someone whom they wanted me to be, "

" i wish dissapointment is out of my league"

" i wish i was blind, so i can see nothing, not even pain,"

" i wish i was perfect, so i can see satisfaction on thier faces," and maybe i can have mine,,

" I’ve always been the opposite of what you see, strength is my weekness, i use pain to smile, i use mistakes to laugh, and i use movies to cry,"

" hear my heart, she’s been qiet for a long time, leaving the feelings, unspoken,, "

moment

2008-11-04T16:05:00.000+08:00

"he heart is to speak for complications...

the brain is to unwind the coils...."
-->

clin path blues

2008-10-15T15:16:00.000+08:00

Lord i pray na sana po palambutin nyo ang puso ng mga taga Lab Med na magcurve at umayos kaming lahat sa clin path..

~im scared.........

...

2008-10-15T14:47:00.000+08:00

tired.....

one down!!!!

2008-10-06T16:04:00.000+08:00

oct 6, 2008... 1 quiz on patho (hema)/ practical exam on patho/ lab exam on micro/ and 2nd shifting exam on clin path...

KAPAGOD..
SABOG..

pero masaya naman.. thanks to my classmates... right after this tiring day, we headed to sm lazaro and ate our dinner at Sbarro...

qt ni crycel: "kung laging may clin path mauubusan ako ng pera sa Sbarro... " - TRUE!!!!!
hahahaha!!!

more exams to go...Godbless to everyone,,,

cant wait for vacation!!!!! ^_^

defense mechs

2008-10-02T04:40:00.000+08:00

i suddenly realized last night as i was reviewing for the pedia quiz.. how medicine changed me, my attitude, my beliefs, my principles, and how i look at other people..

few years ago, when my life was still NORMAL, i used to be a very optimistic type of person, who believes and sees the bright side of almost every negative events that bombard my life.. i also knew myself that i am not the judgmental type of person, someone who still tries to see the good components of the individual no matter how bad he/she may appear to me or as what other people tell.

but then, i was alarmed at myself that i am becoming too easily irritated, in little things, like "whissling tune" i always hear almost everyday, or when things that i am anticipating fail to come to its way.. i am not the optimistic type of girl anymore..also, i could easily see the bad aspects of person..what's worse, i get to manifests these changes to people i am so close with, people whom i know deep inside that i would be treasuring maybe forever, people who are so good to me and willing to help me to their fullest.. these are the people who are the first hand exposed to my mood swings..

thanks to my housemate i talked to yesterday, who made me realized, that all these things that i am undergoing at, as well as the things that i am complaining about the people i am mingling with, are all the defense mechanisms. yes, med students are still human beings, and by denying that they have not studied for the exam, or that telling that they just fall asleep, are all defenses brought about by the stressful life we are all undergoing..

right now, i am trying to fix myself.. doing my best to bring back the old me... ^_^

magulong pakiramdaman

2008-10-01T07:21:00.000+08:00

ang kilig minsan, the more na pilitin mo, the more na hindi mo maramdaman.. kahit anong tulak ng mga tao sayo, di mo tlaga mappilit na maramdaman ang nararamdaman ng mga taong natutulak sayo na maramdaman mo din ang nararamdaman nila para sa iyo at sa ibang tao.. ang gulo.. heheh.. pero totoo nga.. mas maganda un kusang dumadaloy ang pakiramdam na ito, na minsan eh bigla nalang dadating, na walang halong pagpipilit... effortless kumbaga..walang dapat iexpect... live by the moment.. at mabigla nalng sa mga pangyayari.. hayiiiii.... ^_^

Little Moments Like That

2008-09-28T17:21:00.000+08:00

i rarely appreciate a song through its lyrics.. but then when i first heard the song (thanks to mika!), it captured my hearing and alas! loved the song..

Brad Paisley
Little Moments Like That

Well I'll never forget the first time that I heard
That pretty mouth say that dirty word
And I can't even remember now, what she backed my truck into
But she covered her mouth and her face got red and she just looked so darn cute
That I couldn't even act like I was mad-
Yeah I live for little moments like that

That's like just last year on my birthday
She lost all track of time and burnt the cake
And every smoke detector in the house was going off
She was just about the cry
Until I took her in my arms
And I tried not to let her see, me laugh-
Yeah I live for little moments like that

I know she's not perfect, but she tries so hard for me
And I thank God that she isn't
Cause how boring would that be?
It's the little imperfections, it's the sudden change in plans
When she misreads the directions and we're lost
But holding hands-
Yeah I live for little moments like that

When she's laying on my shoulder, on the sofa, in the dark
And about the time she falls asleep, so does my right arm
And I want so bad to move it, cause it's tingling and it's numb
But she looks so much like an angel,
That I don't wanna wake her up-
Yeah I live for little moments-
When she steals my heart again and doesn't even know it-
Yeah I live for little moments like that

pressure-less life

2008-09-21T14:19:00.000+08:00

it's a good thing that i got to chat to my brother.. i was kinda able to open up the toxicities i have right now.. perhaps the thing that bothers me most was a very significant topic of our conversation..

apparently, i have fears of passing clinical pathology.. i was like a year ago in my anatomy class wherein i have to struggle for my grade in order to pass 1st year... the big difference is, clin path is a semestral subject.. and that only this second shifting would be the last chance to struggle.. as if there should be no room for mistakes.. i really need to do good.. but what shall i do???

then i realized.. as what my brother told me.. not to pressure my self too much.. just study well.. easy to say may be.. i am even aware that the more i worry, the more chances of failing.. coz instead of concentrating on what i should be learning to pass, my concentration is deviated to the worries i have...

yeah.. next week is the week of struggles, not only for clin path, but for the rest of the subjects.. but well.. i'll make sure to make use of my time this week, wise enough, and prioritize things i need to prioritize.. hay.. life..

GOODLUCK to us all!!!!
--> still relaxed despite the toxicities and be able to achieve my goals...

ACTION 2008 - a shot from a taiwanese delegate

2008-08-30T19:41:00.000+08:00

this pic was sent to me by one of the delegates from Taiwan... (Kenshiny) she was in fact thankful for accompanying them on the tour.. she says thanks to all the volunteers too! =)

sweet couple

2008-08-24T07:26:00.000+08:00

i can't help it to share what i saw this morning at the church.. i attended the mass at Mt. Carmel in Lipa.. well, fyi, this is my favorite church and i really consider this miraculous... then there's an old couple which i find really cute together.. then when the "peace be with you" part came, they kissed intimately.. well, they're cute.. coz while we're singing the "lamb of God", the old man is holding the hand of his wife..

considering that they're old already, i can still see that they're still deeply in love with each other..and i noticed that even the couple at my front were looking at them and talking about the old couple too.. hehe =)

funny, coz when i see young couples kissing in public, i find it awkward.. but then old ones do this act, i find it sweet.. =)

weight gain

2008-08-20T17:31:00.001+08:00

waaaah!!! tumataba na ako!!!!

present weight: 104 lbs
previous weight: 95 - 100 lbs

present BMI: 19.7 (acc to kuya n!)
previous BMIs: 18+

prominent features: tummy flabs and big arms; arising double chin

nahihiyang na ata ang katawan ko sa med!!!! waaah!!!! ang hirap kasi tumanggi sa foods.. lalo na sa mga panahong u feel like rewarding yourself or just treating yourself to regain ur happiness... waaahh!!!!

~ =

how old is ur brain test

2008-08-20T17:19:00.000+08:00

mine is 27... haha ^_^ kinda good!!! =)

Procedure of Flash Fabrica Game:

1. Touch 'start'

2. Wait for 3, 2, 1.

3. Memorize the number's position on the screen, then click the circle from the smallest number to the biggest number.

4. At the end of game, computer will tell you how old your brain.

to test urs, click this link:
http://flashfabrica.com/f_learning/brain/brain.html

Day off

2008-08-20T17:15:00.000+08:00

Kung ang househelper eh may day off, ang boy ay may day off.. ang med student tulad ko ay meron din.. oo, iniisip kong day off tong araw na to.. katatapos lang ng first shifting examination namin kahapon. At ngayon ay official start ng second shift.. ngunit, subalit, datapwa’t nawalan kami ng pasok dahil sa bagyo.. salamat KAREN! Sa umpisa ng micro ay biglang nag announce na suspended na daw ang klase. Ayun, nakauwi din naman ako bago mag tanghali. Naisip ko kagad, mag dvd marathon! Ang tagal ko na nga rin palang di nakakanood ng dvd ah. Pero mas ninais ko palang mag general cleaning ng aking kwarto sapagkat ilang linggo na din ang nakalipas ng di nalilinis ang kwarto ko or nawawalisan man lang. oo nakakadiring imaginin.. ako din noh! Isama mo pa ang napaka gulong gamit na nakakalat sa kung saan saang bahagi ng aking maliit na kwarto. Ika nga eh start the shift right.

Masarap sa pakiramdam dahil kahit walang pasok eh wala pa din akong iniisip na aralin. Isa to sa mga masasabi kong relaxing situation!

Hay, sana nga ay maging maayos na ang aking sarili… magtulolu-tuloy n asana ang motivation at inspiration na nararamdaman ko ngayon para ibigay ang best ko at bumawi! Sabi nga nila, FIGHT lang ng FIGHT!

May mga bagay din akong nilu-look forward sa mga susunod na araw, na buwan, at sana ay maging bahagi na sya ng aking systema. Matagal ko na kasi hinahanap ang landas kng saan may ginagawa ako sa labas ng mundo ng pag-aaral ng medicine.. sympre, ngayon ay pinagdadasal ko pa na sana nga eh magkaron na ng kasatuparan… =)

Basta, maging POSITIVE lang.. at maging motivated at focused sa lahat ng gagawin!!!! Masasabi ko lang, Masaya ako, at satisfied.. sana pangmatagalan… =)

+ + =

nice to know for those who know

2008-08-13T15:41:00.000+08:00

she deserves someone better..

as everybody else does... =(

:-(

2008-07-29T20:02:00.000+08:00

ang toxic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;-(

.

2008-07-15T14:55:00.000+08:00

hay life...

missing a lot of people...as in! =(

night with the adorables

2008-06-07T19:52:00.000+08:00

June 7, 2008
12:29 am
At my room

I just arrived from a night out with my adorable friends. And indeed it was fun! An original plan of sex and the city movie date with my girlfriends turned out to be an “inuman/bonding/mega chikahan” night with the adorables. Thanks to the scattered seats available at Shang cinema when we were about to buy for the tickets that we decided to go somewhere else instead.

There were so much revelations about each other’s lives. And truly there are big changes that happened with each and every one of us. I admit I kinda had a big change in my lifestyle as well. And observing the flow of our conversation, well let’s say we already come to a point of our maturity (except for Des for being fixated in adolescent stage as the “late bloomer”! haha! peace des!^_^)

Its been quite a while since I last entered a bar with friends. And had inuman session with them. Though I admit I still have very low alcohol tolerance, but the time we spent together is so much fun! And the drinks are very cheap! An advertisement: pay pHp150 for 3 drinks of any kind! See! Hard drinks are very cheap in this bar! For those interested, it’s at Sidebar Café at El Pueblo, Ortigas! Haha ^_^

Cheers para sa mga mukhang HINDI: nanay, kasal, tibo (joke), at forever single

Hopefully next time more adorables will be present. The question is, when would that next time be?hehe ^_^

PS: thanks to mike for the ride… jo, nice talaga asawa mo! Haha!

MOOD: Masaya pero bitin!

the secret

2008-06-06T12:30:00.003+08:00

June 6, 2008
1:41 am
At my room

Oh well oh well I’ve finished reading the book already… and a lot of points hit me, straight to my stomach! Haha! I should have read this book long time ago. I could have prevented my mistakes I have done in the past. Thanks to Nory and Jihan (she’s the owner of the book) for giving me the idea about this book. Should I call this the “secret” to a happier life.. ^_^

As what I have said, there are lots of points that hit me directly. Thoughts that I am very much guilty about. There are 8 steps given by Bro Bo, and as soon as step #1, I am guilty of a foul! I am not writing this blog to be a spoiler or re-state the ideas from the book, but rather to share out there the things I have learned in finding the “one true love”. Mentioning Bro Bo and

First thing I am guilty of: defining if I really wanted marriage or not! Darn! I know a part of me longs to have a family of my own someday, to have my simple dream wedding with the one I am ready to spend the rest of my life with. But then, on the rational thinking, I know that there are things that make me think that marriage is not for me. That I’d rather spend my life with someone even outside marriage. That marriage is just a piece of contract that could have placed me in a trap for the rest of my life. I may be like some characters in the story who are victims of the past or traumatized by the experiences she witnessed with her own parents. I admit there are things that my mom and dad experienced with each other that I swear I would not want to happen to my own self that made me think that I would not marry.

Then I also remembered the character of Mark. Just a funny thought about it. Because Mark could not express his feelings for the girl he really likes. Such that on the perfect opportunity to show his feelings for her during Valentine’s Day by giving flowers made him MR NICE GUY by all his FRIENDS… It turned out that he also gave flowers to all his “girl” friends, leaving that girl he really have special feelings for unaware of it. *ahem* same with me.. when I like a guy, I could not show any “more than friend” treatment. Hahah… you figured it out, I know!

Anyway, another important thing I learned is that: “the first move is not to search for MR RIGHT.. but to become MS RIGHT”… yeah.. I just realized that I still have lots of things to fix on my self, on my life. If I could not make these things right, then how can I be right for someone else? I am facing lots of issues and am longing to learn a lot of things. My family just moved out of the country a few months ago, and I admit, even though I may appear as independent woman to many people, but being alone literally is quite a big adjustment for me. I should learn how to take good care of my things well, more importantly is to take good care of my finances. I am just starting to adjust my lifestyle, starting to learn how to save (I admit this one is my current struggle), to spend wisely, and to use my money for good purposes. Though I only receive enough from my parents to meet my basic needs, but one day during this vacation, I had a thought of “what ifs”.. What if during emergency expenses arrive, where should I get my money? There I came to the point of learning how to save! But still I could not! Hopefully soon I will be able to adjust and learn!

What else? Ummmm… knowing how to take responsibilities is a very critical stage. What’s more important is knowing what are my responsibilities, what are my callings in life? Right from the start of my medicine life, I knew that God placed me on this field. He already revealed me that I could render my service by becoming a doctor. No questions about that, coz if there were, I would not be here in the first place! But I came to ask my self, what could have been the other plans He has for me? Then I placed my self on the shoes of Bro Bo, on discerning if should I get married or remain a single doctor who is of service to those in need (this sound sooo mellow-dramatic! Ewww, not-sooo-me! Haha!)… but then I would go back to my first point: to know if I really want to get married or not!

A big part of me would say yes. But as long as the doubts and fears are there, it would be hard for me to get my answer. Another thing I learned: never make decisions when you are in desolation or consolation. Rather, make decisions when you are at the most peaceful state, to ensure that you are making a decision that you would not regret or would not blame on anyone or anything if you failed.

There are lots of points in this book. All I know is that the book made my life happier! And set me free from the hang ups of the past. Now I can really say, I have decided to set my feelings for micko free! Funny that upon reading this book, I realized how immature I am. It was quite a long process that started way way back, and I can say and I am getting near the end of the process of moving on. And it made me feel better! Some of my friends would have not believed me, but well, I congratulate my self, coz it’s for real! I have already escaped from the world of fictions that there is a micko to wait for! Haha! As of the moment, I am doing my very best to fix my life, expand my network, gain friends, and meet good guys. I also learned not to be judgmental as long as the purpose is just to meet them.

I highly recommend this book. For singles out there, the book “How to Find Your One True Love” by Bo Sanchez could have been waiting for you. Ladies like me, I’m sure you’ll learn a lot. And for guys out there, I also recommend the book for you to read. It also applies to you!

my present status as is not in search for romance.. instead i am trying to build my self the way i wanted to be.. and who knows somewhere along the process, i'll stumble to that mr right..

~adios~

MOOD: happier than being happy! ^_^

goodbyes.... again =(

2008-05-23T20:47:00.000+08:00

it's already 1am... and 4 people are still awake in this house at Darasa, Tanauan... : my bro-in-law wowie and uncle pogi having a bonding over a bottle of brandy (if you could hear their conversation, you would definitely figure out that they have "amats")... then my younger sister Tami who happens to be the major subject for this post (she's busy putting packaging tape over her balikbayan box... and of course, yours truly, who, aside from creating this post is also doing the laundry...

and in few hours from now, we have to wake up early in the morning.... head to Manila, and bring Tami to the airport for her flight back to US to be with my family, for good....hay...it was just like last december that i bid goodbye to my dad, mom, 2 bros and sis Tami.. then she was back again the day before my bday.. graduated college in UP Manila.. then now, she has to be back again to CA to reside permanently...

i was just wondering if i would cry the same way i did when my family went there last december... it would be only me and my eldest sister who will be left here in the Philippines once again.. holidays and other special events would be celebrated without a family.. good thing for my ate coz she has a family of her own.. and me? well, i have my friends there who are like a family to me.. and of course, my med life.. darn!

to our BMI sisses and other friends of tami who plan to bid good bye to the last minute... we'll see u guys tom at the airport, 1pm.. orayt?! ^_^

and to my sis... wish you safe trip... ^_^

post#2

2008-05-21T09:17:00.000+08:00

Funny it is that there are people whom you miss so much when they’re not around. Whom you think day and night in their absence.. as if you really want to talk to the person as often as you could.. but when you come to see them in person and talk to again, as if all the imaginations are gone… as if they are just part of the normal people within your circle.. hay.. it is so weird.. just weird, that I have this kind person existing in my life.. weird talaga.. tsk tsk tsk…. Funny isn’t it???

+ = ???????

bagyo sa baguio... thanks to cosme aka PLONING

2008-05-21T09:13:00.000+08:00

sisses at nory's condo... ready to take off...
*kunwari kasama si rache.. haha ^_^

our second stop over... di ko lang tanda kung san to..

ang aking unang tapak sa lupain ng BAGUIO!

si ads, ako, at si tami

sisses having mascarade party! charing!

lunch out at 50's diner...
they serve giant burgers and clubhouse..
but kebab, though it was soooo soft, but served late.. =(

boating habang umuulan...

sisses having coffee break at figaro!

sisses ang kukulit! wlang mgawa!

about to say good bye to baguio..
lamig!!!!

sisses back to manila.. hay...

Nais kong batiin ang aking sarili dahil finally, nakarating na din ako ng baguio… *clap*clap*clap… salamat sa aking mga BMI sisses na nagbigay ng dahilan para matupad ang isa sa matagal ko nang pangarap…

If you are looking for an adventure, what we had in Baguio is a perfect one! Kaw ba naman ang sumugod sa Baguio sa kalagitnaan ng signal #3 dahil sa bagyong Cosme.. pero mas prefer naming tawagin syang PLONING – “dahil napapanahon” – melai.. haha.. lahat na ata ng kamalasan eh naranasan namin.. nanjan ang ulan habang namamasyal, and most of the time we spent in baguio, we were in van.. pero enjoy din naman ang road trip.. then kaw ba naman ang mag-boating habang umuulan at nakapayong.. san ka pa! haha! Basing-basa kami sobra.. di na kelangan pang buksan ang aircon ng van habang nagroroadtrip dahil sa lamig.. salamat nlng sa nakita naming coffee shop na Figaro at nainit-initan kahit papano an gaming mga katawan…

bukod sa malakas na ulan at hangin, madami pang kamalasan… nastranded pa kami sa Caltex.. galing kme sa SM para mag-grocery ng aming dinner at breakfast, pero sa kasamaang palad eh inabot kami ng bagyo.. di kami kaagad nakauwi sa “SKY”, kung saan kami tumutuloy.. bakit kamo “SKY”? literal nasa sky ka na sa sobrang taas..ahahaha..pag uwi namin sa SKY matapos magpatila ng ubod ng lakas na hangin at ulan eh wala naman kuryente.. may fireplace nga, bumili ng mga panggatong, pero naging lutuan lang sya ng aming breakfast na sopas dahil di namin mapaandar ang gas.. 5am na nuon ng nakakain kami.. di na nga kami nakapag dinner the night before dahil sa pagkakastranded sa Caltex.. buti nlng kamo ay may masarap kaming lunch sa 50’s diner kung saan ang laki-laki ng burger nila, right shiney? Ang laki din super ng clubhouse nila.. nakita namin sa kabilang table na umorder ng exag sa laking clubhouse.. what I had for lunch was kebab.. na super nadelay pa ang pagseserve dahil hinuli pa ata ang baka… haha.. pero ayos lang dahil sulit nmn..

nasaan na ba ako? Ano pa nga bang malas ang inabot namin? Aun! Kaw ba naman ang maligo ng ubod ng lamig na tubig dahil sira ang heater!!!!!! Grabe, manhid ang katawan ko pagkatapos.. no choice naman ako dahil di din naman ako mapapakali kung di ako maliligo ng umagang iyon.. pagkababa naman namin ng Pangasinan eh binaha ang urdaneta! O san ka pa, wala na ngang ulan, pero di pa din kami tinantanan ng kamalasan dahil sa baha…. Parang baha sa dapitan, promise!

But despite all the kamalasans that we experienced, I regret nothing.. we came to a point asking each other if we were not there, where would we be… I would say, I would be in Lopez, Quezon, with the Mu friends, doing the training for the aetas.. hayyy… but still, I regret nothing… it was a wonderful time for the sisses to bond with my sister, Tami, coz she’s about to go back to the US this week.. and everything the bmi sisses experienced was one of a kind…. Ang sabi nga namin, ang dami na naming bagyong pinagdaanan.. literal na bagyo! Sino ba naman ang makakalimot ke milenyo, na kami-kami din ang magkakasama… at eto ngayon, si cosme… basta, I will never forget this Baguio experience.. this may be not the experience I imagined, but what I got was even better.. nasukat ang samahan ng BMI sisses… at hinding-hindi ko sila ipagpapalit.. sisses, I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!

Special thanks to:

Kris – for the SKY accommodation

Yonee - for the van

Kuya Toni - Yonee’s driver na hindi tlaga kami pinabayaan

Nory - for the gas

Dahil sa inyo… ang liit ng gastos natin sa trip na ito… honestly, mas mahal pa nga ang nagastos ko for the pasalubongs kesa sa gastos tlaga natin sa trip na ito^_^

vacation vacation vacation

2008-05-05T16:44:00.002+08:00

i think i gained 5 pounds since the month of may started...i was staying at our house in batangas, and all that i am doing was cook, eat, sleep, dvd marathon, watch pbb, doin chika with my tito and tita, and play with their kid, julian... well still thanks to my celfone that keeps me connected to my friends on the outside world (as if pbb housemate ako!) haha!

yesterday, sunday, had been a very tiring day for me.. i went back and forth to lipa, just to fetch my auntie.. then we headed manila, pick up tami's stuff at her dorm, then i just dropped by my place at Lacson for few minutes, then back to tami's dorm then headed way back home to batangas.. then after that, i was not even contented... i have to attend mass at Mt. Carmel, in Lipa City.. that's one hour comute from my place.. should you ask why of all the churches, the church that's far from home.. well, during the times i was confused and problematic, i have been to that church for so many times.. and it just captured my faith... hehe.. but unfortunately, i arrived 5pm.. all the while i was thinking there was mass until 6pm.. but upon knowing that the last mass is 4-5pm, i could not help but feel sad.. i just stayed inside the church for some minutes then just had my moment of silence.. hopefully next sunday i would be able to attend a mass.. definitely i would try hard ^_^

it's my mom and dad's anniversary... their 28th actually... wow.. they reached that long together.. hopefully they will be together forever, despite their differences.. i just sent them my greetings..

well, i miss being in manila, with so many things to do.. however, very expensive to stay at.. hehe.. i will surely miss this long hours sleep when classes started, so i am making the most out of my vacation.. one thing i haven't done yet.. that is, to have a make over.. haha^_^ soon i will for sure... ^_^

my biggest crush

2008-04-20T08:03:00.000+08:00

hay... john lloyd.. bakit ka kasi pinanganak na gwapo???

hihih.. of all the local actors, john lloyd is whom i got a biggest crush on... he seems so nice, so funny, mabango, mabait.. and the ideal boyfriend who got sense of humor and can make you laugh when you're sad.. or even when you're mad.. haha^_^ he's got nice smile, body?, and very talented.. haha^_^ and he may be liking morena girls... *ahem*

if i'll be asked who would be the artista i am dying to see in person.. who else.. but loydie.. hihihi^_^

blood is thicker than water

2008-04-19T23:35:00.000+08:00

i finally got my thoughts.. 5 hours after since i started getting my thoughts, only now that i got motivated to start.. it's 3:16 am.. and still im awake.. good thing though coz i finally caught my brother jerrik online.. and even saw him via webcam.. then one more thing, called him on the celfone.. (thanks to SUN Cellular for a very low oversease call rate of P5/minute--->nagpromote pa daw)... i'm watching them right now via web cam as they eat their breakfast..

what am i supposed to write about again? well, finally i made a decision.. after being stressed for the past week of deciding whether to go or stay, i finally chose to stay in my dorm, despite all the struggles i faced in the past and the convenience that awaits me as i move to another place.. i even spent 2 and a half sticks of cigars this week to counteract the stress i have been..

i came to a point of 90-10 decision.. 90% move out, 10% stay.. and even the night before i met tami, that was wednesday night, i had 100% move out decision...i wrote down my goals.. and the factors affecting, be it good or bad, on achieving my goals..

but then the next day, i met with my sister, accompanied her to trinoma to buy for her grad dress.. then over lunch she told me stuff about the life my parents have in US.. and i realized it really wasn't easy.. i felt guilty then, the fact that they are working hard, and they have to support a more expensive housing for me.. i would be selfish, as i thought.. perhaps the best thing that i could do for them is to save the best that i could.. and not to give them too much expenses here for me.. if i would compute the possible expenses if i would move to another dorm, that would be around 4K=$100.. though my mom told me that they would do their best to sustain my housing needs and all other needs for my medical education, it became a personal decision for me to stay to the old place wherein they have to pay only 2750.. the remaining 1250 could have been my savings so that in case of emergencies, i would not need to disturb them anymore.. or even they can use the balance for their own expense abroad, right? i told my mom that i will take the next step of deciding if i would still want to move out when the time comes that they are already stable in US.. and when they finally bought a house.. i am willing to wait then.. i want to live comfortable here in the Philippines only when they are comfortable abroad... it really was tami that i have waited to find my answers.. and another thing, even found a verse in the Bible that at some point affected my decision to stay....

i knew that when it comes to family involvement, i become too emotional.. i knew that i am willing to give up anything for my family.. more now that they are giving up a lot of things for me, and the best thing that i could do to help them is to minimize whatever expense i have here...

hay.. i hope my false-alarm roomates steph and crysel would understand my decision.. now i have to face the shame of backing out to my original decision.. and i even have to talk to the owner of the dormitory i am supposed to live at..

i may not know the effect of my decision particularly in my studies.. but whatever it takes, i will do my very best to perfom better in my academics on my sophomore year.. but one thing i realized after these confusions.. that my housemates right now is really a family..they are there to replace the absence i feel on my immediate family.. i felt at some point that they do not want me to leave.. and i knew that i have a value for them.. whatever it takes, my housemates in Lacson St. would be for keeps forever.. ^_^

gossip girl

2008-04-19T21:11:00.000+08:00

"When you get a boyfriend, you become the best friend and the best friend becomes the second best friend." - Blair Waldorf, GOSSIP GIRL

i heard they'll start airing season2 this april 29.. tama ba?^_^

...

2008-04-16T13:12:00.000+08:00

my life in first year medical school won't be this fun and exciting if not for the people who have been there at my side.. in close or even far distance... now that i am off for vacation, i thought of reminiscing.. being stressed for the past few days of coming up on a decision i am having a hard time deciding.. what should i do?

6 months habit

2008-04-10T07:57:00.000+08:00

6 months habit

at the start of the Holidays, there was a surprise
under the same aroma that stimulates our minds
perfect place to enhance our thinking
who would thought it would be a start of something great?

on a regular basis we get to hang out
and got to know you better
for four years we have known each other's existence
only now that i get to see quite a bit of you

my struggles were made easier
and learning has been quite fun
in times i felt tired
a small talk in between i already found relaxing

it must be a habit as what i would define
but a habit that kept me going
fighting over the battle on the jungle
giving me direction til i reach the end

and now that it have come to the end
i felt everything has changed
the old laughters and talks were gone
and i'm sure i am missing them all

as the 6 months of habit has passed
i am having nostalgic thoughts
recalling memories
doing my very best to maintain what we used to have

it's a sad reality though
that the experience of being with the habit
is not the same as it used to be
that even the advancement of communication is no use

at first the absence was quite hard to face
but then i get used to the feeling and realized
that the joy i used to feel for the past 6 months
was just a habit after all

who knows what will happen
after you half a quarter
if you will be back by my side
with that, i will wait....

my new baby

2008-04-07T17:18:00.000+08:00

i have a new baby...

arg! this is because of my housemate jc... she infected me with this addiction...

hay... im addicted watching Hana Kimi... for sure ill be having sleepless nights again doing the marathon watching this week...hihihi... this is the effect of not being busy this vacation..

i would definitely want to meet you in person, Wu Chun... ^_^

baduy na kung baduy! gwapo nmn! ^_^

JOHN GOKONGWEI: THE FIRST UKAY-UKAY DEALER!

2008-04-07T16:55:00.000+08:00

i received this through email from my friend.. and i thought of sharing this to more people who wished to be inspired to succeed in life...

i began to admire you, Mr. Gokongwei..... ^_^

JOHN GOKONGWEI: THE FIRST UKAY-UKAY DEALER!

Speech of John Gokongwei before Ateneo Graduates.

I wish I were one of you today, instead of a 77-year-old man, giving a speech you will probably forget when you wake up from your hangover tomorrow. You may be surprised I feel this way. Many of you are feeling fearful and apprehensive about your future. You are thinking that, perhaps, your Ateneo diploma will not mean a whole lot in the future in a country with too many problems. And you are probably right. You are thinking that our country is slipping-no, sliding. Again, you may be right. Twenty years ago, we were at par with countries like Thailand , Malaysia , and Singapore .

Today, we are left way behind. You know the facts. Twenty years ago, the per capita income of the Filipino was 1,000 US dollars. Today, it's 1,100 dollars. That's a growth of only ten percent in twenty years. Meanwhile, Thailand 's per capita income today is double ours; Malaysia , triple ours; and Singapore , almost twenty times ours. With globalization coming, you know it is even more urgent to wake up. Trade barriers are falling, which means we will have to compete harder. In the new world, entrepreneurs will be forced to invest their money where it is most efficient. And that is not necessarily in the Philippines . Even for Filipino entrepreneurs, that can be the case.

For example, a Filipino brand like Maxx candy can be manufactured in Bangkok-where labor, taxes, power and financing are cheaper and more efficien t-and then exported to other ASEAN countries. This will be a common scenario-if things do not change. Pretty soon, we will become a nation that buys everything and produces practically nothing. We will be like the prodigal son who took his father's money and spent it all. The difference is that we do not have a generous father to run back to. But despite this, I am still very excited about the future. I will tell you why later. You have been taught at the Ateneo to be "a person for others." Of course, that is noble: To serve your countrymen. Question is: How? And my answer is: Be an entrepreneur! You may think I am just a foolish man talking mundane stuff when the question before him is almost philosophical. But I am being very thoughtful here, and if I may presume this about myself, being patriotic as well.

Entrepreneurship is the answer. We need young people who will find the idea, grab the opportunity, take risk, and set aside comfort to set up businesses that will provide jobs. But why? What are jobs? Jobs are what allow people to feel useful and build their self-esteem. Jobs make people productive members of the community. Jobs make people feel they are worthy citizens. And jobs make a country worthy players in the world market. In that order of things, it is the entrepreneurs who have the power to harness the creativity and talents of others to achieve a common good. This should leave the world a better place than it was.

Let me make it clear: Job creation is a priority for any nation to move forward. For example, it is the young entrepreneurs of Malaysia , Thailand , and Singapore who created the dynamic businesses that have propelled their countries to the top. Young people like yourselves. Meanwhile, in the Philippines , progress is slow. Very little is new. Hardly anything is fresh. With a few exceptions, the biggest companies before the war-like PLDT, Ayala, and San Miguel-are still the biggest companies today. All right, being from the Ateneo, many of you probably have offers from these corporations already.

You may even have offers from JG Summit. I say: Great! Take these offers, work as hard as you can, learn everything these companies can teach-and then leave! If you dream of creating something great, do not let a 9-to-5 job-even a high-paying one-lull you into a complacent, comfortable life. Let that high-paying job propel you toward entrepreneurship instead. When I speak of the hardship ahead, I do not mean to be skeptical but realistic. Even you Ateneans, who are famous for your eloquence, you cannot talk your way out of this one. There is nothing to do but to deal with it. I learned this lesson when, as a 13-year-old, I lost my dad. Before that, I was like many of you: a privileged kid.

I went to Cebu 's best school; lived in a big house; and got free entrance to the Vision, the largest movie house in Cebu , which my father owned. Then my dad died, and I lost all these. My family had become poor-poor enough to split my family. My mother and five siblings moved to China where the cost of living was lower. I was placed under the care of my Grand Uncle Manuel Gotianuy, who put me through school. But just two years later, the war broke out, and even my Uncle Manuel could no longer see me through. I was out in the streets-literally. Looking back, this time was one of the best times of my life. We lost everything, true, but so did everybody! War was the great equalizer. In that setting, anyone who was willing to size up the situation, use his wits, and work hard, could make it! It was every man for himself, and I had to find a way to support myself and my family. I decided to be a market vendor. Why? Because it was something that I, a 15-year-old boy in short pants, could do.

I started by selling simple products in the palengke half an hour by bike from the city. I had a bicycle. I would wake up at five in the morning, load thread, soap and candles into my bike, and rush to the palengke. I would rent a stall for one peso a day, lay out my goods on a table as big as this podium, and begin selling. I did that the whole day. I sold about twenty pesos of goods every day. Today, twenty pesos will only allow you to send twenty text messages to y our crush, but 63 years ago, it was enough to support my family. And it left me enough to plow back into my small, but growing, business. I was the youngest vendor in the palengke, but that didn't faze me. In fact, I rather saw it as an opportunity. Remember, that was 63 years and 100 pounds ago, so I could move faster, stay under the sun more, and keep selling longer than everyone else.

Then, when I had enough money and more confidence, I decided to travel to Manila from Cebu to sell all kinds of goods like rubber tires. Instead of my bike, I now traveled on a batel-a boat so small that on windless days, we would just float there. On bad days, the trip could take two weeks! During one trip, our batel sank! We would have all perished in the sea were it not for my inventory of tires. The viajeros were happy because my tires saved their lives, and I was happy because the viajeros, by hanging on to them, saved my tires. On these long and lonely trips I had to entertain myself with books, like Gone With The Wind. After the war, I had s aved up 50,000 pesos. That was when you could buy a chicken for 20 centavos and a car for 2,000 pesos. I was 19 years old.

Now I had enough money to bring my family home from China. Once they were all here, they helped me expand our trading business to include imports. Remember that the war had left the Philippines with very few goods. So we imported whatever was needed and imported them from everywhere-includin g used clothes and textile remnants from the United States . We were probably the first ukay-ukay dealers here.

Then, when I had gained more experience and built my reputation, I borrowed money from the bank and got into manufacturing. I saw that coffee was abundant, and Nescafe of Nestle was too expensive for a country still rebuilding from the war, so my company created Blend 45. That was our first branded hit. And from there, we had enough profits to launch Jack and Jill. From one market stall, we are now in nine core businesses-includin g retail, real estate, publishing, petrochemicals, textiles, banking, food manufacturing, Cebu Pacific Air and Sun Cellular.

When we had shown success in the smaller businesses, we were able to raise money in the capital markets-through IPOs and bond offerings-- and then get into more complex, capital-intensive enterprises. We did it slow, but sure. Success doesn't happen overnight. It's the small successes achieved day by day that build a company. So, don't be impatient or focused on immediate financial rewards. I only started flying business class when I got too fat to fit in the economy seats. And I even wore a used overcoat while courting my wife-it came from my ukay-ukay business.

Thank God Elizabeth didn't mind the mothball smell of my coat or maybe she wouldn't have married me. Save what you earn and plow it back. And never forget your families! Your parents deni ed themselves many things to send you here. They could have traveled around the world a couple of times with the money they set aside for your education, and your social life, and your comforts. Remember them-and thank them. When you have families of your own, you must be home with them for at least one meal everyday. I did that while I was building my company. Now, with all my six children married, I ask that we spend every Sunday lunch together, when everything under the sun is discussed. As it is with business, so it is with family.

There are no short cuts for building either one. Remember, no short cuts. Saint Ignatius of Loyola, your patron saint, and founder of this 450-year old organization I admire, described an ideal Jesuit as one who "lives with one foot raised." I believe that means someone who is always ready to respond to opportunities. Saint Ignatius knew that, to build a successful organization, he needed to recruit and educate men who were not afraid of change but were in fact excited by it. In fact, the Jesuits were one of the earliest practitioners of globalization. As early as the 16th century, upon reaching a foreign country, they compiled dictionaries in local languages, like Tamil and Vietnamese, so that they could spread their message in the local language.

In a few centuries, they have been able to spread their mission in many countries through education. The Jesuits have another quote. "Make the whole world your house" which means that the ideal Jesuit must be at home everywhere. By adapting to change , but at the same time staying true to their beliefs, the Society of Jesus has become the long-lasting and successful organization it is today and has made the world their house.

So, let's live with one foot raised in facing the next big opportunity: globalization. Globalization can be your greatest enemy. It will be your downfall if you are too afraid and too weak to fight it out. But it can also be your biggest ally. With the Asian Free Trade agreement and tariffs near zero, your market has grown from 80 million Filipinos to half a billion Southeast Asians. Imagine what that means to you as an entrepreneur if you are able to find a need and fill it. And imagine, too, what that will do for the economy of our country! Yes, our government may not be perfect, and our economic environment not ideal, but true entrepreneurs will find opportunities anywhere. Look at the young Filipino entrepreneurs who made it. When I say young-and I'm 77, remember-I am talking about those in their 50s and below.

Tony Tan of Jollibee, Ben Chan of Bench, Rolando Hortaleza of Splash, and Wilson Lim of Abensons. They're the guys who weren't content with the 9-to-5 job, who were willing to delay their gratification and comfort, and who created something new, something fresh. Something Filipinos are now very proud of. They all started small but now sell their hamburgers, T-shirts and cosmetics in Asia, America , and the Middle East In doing so, these young Filipino entrepreneurs created jobs while doing something they were passionate about. Globalization is an opportunity of a lifetime-for you. And that is why I want to be out there with you instead of here behind this podium-perhaps too old and too slow to seize the opportunities you can. Let me leave you with one last thought. Trade barriers have fallen.

The only barriers left are the ba rriers you have in your mind. So, Ateneans, heed the call of entrepreneurship. With a little bit of will and a little bit of imagination, you can turn this crisis into your patriotic moment-and truly become a person for others. "Live with one foot raised and make the world your house."

To this great University, my sincerest thanks for this singular honor conferred on me today. To the graduates, congratulations and Godspeed. "Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam". Thank you.

happy bday *****... happy ME.. ^_^ ... welcome vacation ^_^

2008-04-02T18:26:00.000+08:00

how should i describe my feeling right now??? how should i start huh???... all i can say...

im sooooo HAPPY.. there are so many reasons why should i be happy.. haha...

hmmmm.. finally first year is over... ^_^ it's such a blessing that i will not be removing any of my subjects today.. now i can avidly enjoy my vacation.. i am just so thankful to the people who have been there since i started my first year up to this point... i could not mention you all, coz there are a number of you guys.. ^_^ basta u know who you are.. people who have been with me for the past 10 months.. who accompanied me in my journey to the field of medicine. and people who gave me inspiration to give my very very best.. basta... thanks a lot!

then.. hmm... someone's celebrating his bday today... hihih.. i am just happy coz he replied, though it's a reply with no meaning.. but i am just happy that he knows me... hay.. call that crazy... i admit, it's called an unconditional blank.. a blank coz i don't know how to define it at all.. if it's love, i'm pretty sure it's not romantic. basta i am happy with small things happening around.. ^_^ what am i talking about? either i, myself, do not know at all.. he may just be there to serve as an inspiration.. i am not expecting anything in return from him naman.. it's enough that he keeps on inspiring me even though he's not aware of it... it's enough that he makes me smile in small things about him.... hay am i stupid??? nah! i am just being moved by this guy, who could be a dream, the ideal one.. but i am into reality, that he's just a dream.. and i am not allowing my reality to be affected by this dream.. i still live on with this fact..^_^

way to go friends.. and HAPPY VACATION..

~~~signing off FIRST YEAR...

the agony of waiting

2008-04-01T19:40:00.000+08:00

it's freaking me out... prolonging my agony.. waiting for results.. i've been receiving news, however i don't have the chance to see them by myself.. i've been having weird feelings, paranoia, and at the same time, doing my best to keep my faith that i'll do good in my first year.. only thing that i am holding on to right now, giving me positive thoughts and allowing me to live a normal life despite the tensions of waiting is my faith in God...

oh Lord, please grant me what my heart desires..

saddest thing..

2008-03-30T22:22:00.002+08:00

finally i'm here in manila.. i waited this hour thinking that i could catch my brothers abroad through ym.. but then, i just realized it is just 6:30 am there and probably still in deep sleep..

anyway, first thing i did when i arrived the dorm was to start packing my things.. at least put them into order, sorting things which need to bring to my new place and things that i have to bring home.. but while doing my thing, i just felt sad, and suddenly told myself.. "keg, bakit pa kasi kelangan mo umalis.."... i have been thinking, i found my comfort in that place, i enjoyed the company of the people i was with for the past 10 months.. but then, exactly 17 days from now, my contract will lapse.. if only i could change things.. i do not regret though of the new place that i found and the new people i am goin to live with.. but then, it would be hard to detach my self from the memories of the past.. through thick and thin.. people who at least knew me.. everything about those people.. but then, life has to go on.. only bringing with me in my new place are good memories of my family in Lacson St. hay.. drama mode it is..

tomorrow's gonna be a new day.. i have to be in ust.. get my grades in some subjects.. and baby sit my inaanak, andy... then have a business mtg with my hopefully-employer....

hillsong concert... c'mon...

2008-03-25T19:04:00.001+08:00

for those who missed their first concert...

They're back again guys...

on May 26, 2008Araneta Coliseum, 8pm

check www.unitedmanila08. multiply. com for details

***thanks ads for the info... ^_^

summer confusions

2008-03-25T18:35:00.004+08:00

have you been in to soo mych confusion where in you don't know how to move on? and everything's piled up and dunow what to do? this is the best status i can describe my self as of the moment..

i have so many confusions lately.. good thing, or a bad thing, nory, one of my pretty bmi sisses, shares the same sentiments.. we have been exchanging thoughts of confusions lately... cguro on the lovelife aspect, where both confused.. but my part is quite a little complicated.. i have been avoiding thoughts which i am pretty sure would really prevent me from taking the next step.. basta i'm giving my self this summer to figure out things happening lately..

all i need to do is to keep myself busy for summer.. but since vacation started, i felt like a bum, so bored as days pass by.. though i get the benefit of long sleep, but then, it's not enough to keep me busy..i felt like hopeless, since i don't have the financial means.. oh well, my parents told me they'll be sending my needs this early april... but i want to do something out of my self..

there's a current job offer.. korean teaching.. thanks to erik, (ei there, you may probably be reading ur name right now. hahaha)... he gave me a wonderful offer.. wonderful pay.. and a good experience for me... but i am not sure if i could really commit.. when i said yes into something, i have to make sure i can really do it...i hate it when i'm in the middle of everything that i have to leave the work hanging brought about by the circumstances of my schedule. it's gonna be in BF homes paranaque, quite far from my "world" in espana, or even in batangas.. there's a good counterpart offer though, that i have a place to stay in the subdivision, courtesy of my future employer..

what now? i have to make my decision asap... a big part of me wants to say yes.. only if i could commit until the end that gives me that 15% of rejecting..

hay.. pls help... help me figure out the confusions.. solve them little by little.. one at a time..........

the greatest stupidity here on earth

2008-03-15T13:25:00.004+08:00

this isn't really a great day for me..

defense namin supposedly for clin epi... all the while we thought that our time was 1pm pa.. but then the real time was 9-10am.. the group sched for 1pm is I1a/I1b.. and our group is Ia/Ib.. oh well, it's our fault..

but the sad thing is, the other half of the group was able to defend on time.. why did they not even texted us and looked for us? huhuhu..

here i am now at LRU alone.. at the corner of the room.. trying to calm my self.. and still praying that we will still be allowed to defend..

i had a great week.. i hope this clin epi thing won't give a bad mark for all the good things that happened in my week...

this is very stupid for our part... huhuhu.. i pray they'll still give us chance.. huhuhuhu

...

2008-03-04T12:30:00.001+08:00

amidst the

TOXICITIES...

EVEN FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON... ^_^

sleep bank

2008-02-24T21:42:00.002+08:00

honestly, i'm afraid.. afraid of what to expect for the next 3 weeks...

but according to ruby, this is the last.. give our best...

hay.. if i'll be asked for one wish.. i want SLEEP BANK... a bank where in i could invest the time of sleep that i could make now and withdraw for the next 3 weeks whenever i need sleep.. i would be expecting sleepless nights...

so to all my friends, i won't be able to deal with you yet... i will be far from the social world..

and to all the med students out there.. especially my classmates..

GOODLUCK.. this is the last.. 3 weeks is just 3 weeks, right?

GODBLESS everyone!!

who's gonna be toxic for the next 3 weeks?

2008-02-21T22:38:00.001+08:00

Date	Time	Subject
4^TH SHIFTING EXAM
March 4	10 – 12	SCOFYL
	2 – 4	Clin Epid
March 5	8 – 10	Biochem
	10 – 12	Psychiatry
March 6	8 – 10	Neuro
March 7	10 – 12	Anatomy
March 10	8 – 10	Physio
- MARCH 11: BREAK -
GRAND FINALS
March 12	8 – 10	Biochem
	10 – 12	Psychiatry
	2 – 4	Histo
March 13	8 – 10	Neuro
March 14	10 – 12	Anatomy
March 17	8 – 10	Physio
March 18	2 – 4	Clin Epid

Will there be a freshman medical student from the University of Santo Tomas who can say he/she got lots of free time???

Kinda got overwhelmed with our schedule at the end of the school year.. and everything seems so fast and stressful.. it made me come to a resolution to indeed focus on my studies, hide from the socialites of this world, hibernate, become a monk, whatever you may call, coz I need to focus a lot.. plus I’m still making up for my grades, right?

I just never expected it would be this hectic.. we have a benign week.. yet it should have been used for good.

Because of this, I can’t help but to write myself an encouraging note which I placed at my door so that the moment I leave and enter my room, I would not be forgetful of my responsibilities with my academics.

“Learn to LOVE the TOXICITIES of what you are doing!!! Give your BEST shot… FOCUS… and PRAY!!”

To my classmates in med school as well as my friends who share the same experience of toxicities, we can do it! GOOD LUCK and God Bless ^_^

paki paintindi sa akin...

2008-02-17T16:08:00.002+08:00

ok.. what just happened 5 minutes ago????

i came to pass by kuya norman... and as if i was a wind that he ignored.. i want to think that we're already ok.. that finally the cold war's over..

ok ok... magtatagalog na ako.. di ko na mapigilan ang emosyon ko.. ano ba ang nangyayari? ganun a kalaki ang kasalanan ko para ganunin ako, ha? pakiramdam ko kanina isa akong hangin na dinaan-daanan lang.. para lang mapahiya dahil nag-try akong ngumiti pero iwas ng tingin lang ang nakuha ko.. grabe na talga to.. ano ba ang nangyayari, di ko maintindihan.. pwede ba ipaintindi sa akin, kasi baka nga manhid lang ako, o baka nga bobo lang ako para di ko maintindihan ang mga nangyayari...

ayaw ko na.. suko na ako.. gnawa ko na ang part ko.. di na ako kelangan magpa-apekto... kung sino man ang dapat maapektuhan, alam kong hindi na ako un.. aantayin ko na lang na sya ang unang lumapit.. wala namang kaso sa akin na un..

pero sana lang, wag nya iparamdam na walang kwenta ang pagiging magkaibigan namin... dahil sa kin, meron...!!!!!!

happpyyyyyyyyyyyy

2008-02-15T09:27:00.003+08:00

am i happy? yes i am now.. the feeling of just being happy for no apparent reason at all.. it's nice to feel light... unburdened.. and satisfied.. hmm.. im just enjoying the feeling.. ^_^

this rarely happens.. so i have to make the most out of it right? ^_^

a prayer: heavy yet so light

2008-02-15T09:19:00.001+08:00

it moved me.. after receiving this from mail.. i thought of sharing this short yet meaningful prayer that may give an impact to you:

God Has Amazing Things in Store for You
(This is a heavy prayer)

Stars do not struggle to shine; rivers do not struggle to flow, and you will never struggle to excel in life, because you deserve the best. Hold on to your dream and it shall be well with you... Amen. The eyes beholding this message shall not behold evil, the hand that will send this message to others shall not labor in vain, the mouth saying Amen to this prayer shall laugh forever, remain in God's love. Good morning, your dream will not die, your plans will not fail, your destiny will not be aborted, and the desire of your heart will be granted in Jesus' name. Say a big Amen and if you believe it, send it to all your friends. If you believe, send it back to all your friends. None goes to the river early in the morning and brings dirty water. As you are up this morning, may your life be clean, calm and clear like the early morning water. May the grace of the Almighty support, sustain and supply all your needs according to His riches in glory. Amen.

missing....

2008-02-10T17:32:00.000+08:00

after reading one of jc's (my housemate) posts, i was inspired to write something related coz we're on the same boat.. we're both involved in that horrible thing that happened in our dorm.. and we're both missing our housemate, kuya norman..

at first i was telling my self, i am not affected.. i should not be.. coz seeing him arrive at home (or feeling his presence coz i barely see him though i can feel his moves), he's not affected at all.. so why bother my self too, right? but i have been in denial for so long.. only in the end i have to admit i miss him... a lot actually...

prior to the night of jan 12 (of course i kept that date on the record), kuya norman and the rest of the housemates are doing good.. actually, it was only last decemeber that i got to be close to him that close, and got to appreciate the feeling of having a kuya.. i even told karen that i'm glad that finally i'm close to kuya norman, and that i appreciate him being a kuya to me... coz i really wanted a kuya.. i value the friendship and even thought of keeping the friendship forever, even when we're colleagues... but then that night happened.. i never expected that it will reach as far as up to this date that we're not yet ok! darn...

he may not be mad at us (i hope i have the right instinct), but things changed.. as if what happened that night will forever mark on him and i felt as if i was unforgivable.. i even convinced my self that i am fine if the old relationship won't be back.. i thought of my PRIDE.. that i should not do anything anymore to be ok with him, coz i felt he doesn't want to be ok with us on the other hand..

but as days go by.. after a month of acting strangers with each other, i knew i've been missing him all the while.. but what can i do? right now actually, i'm bothered on how should i approach him.. as if i don't know him anymore... as if the person whom i treated as a real brother to me turned out to be a stranger that i happened to pass by the street everyday...

but i really want to end this thing.. especially now that i have 2 months left to stay in our dorm.. yes, i'm moving out on april 17... i already talked to my mom... and she advised me to move to other place na nga... i might be living with new set of people, but the people i have been for the past 10 months will forever be remembered... and now i hope that the remaining 2 months will be spent up to its best.. and with kuya, i hope it won't be too late..

people may wonder why i finally decided to move out... is it because of that war? partly yes, but i would rather classify it as the demotivating factor to stay.. i mean i have been attempting to move out because of the environment, but what keeps me staying are the people whom i have great bonding with.. there's the lopez siblings (jim-jim =my favorite yfc brother; tin-tin =my savior every time i need kikay stuff' john2 =who has been my guitar teacher for a while) with their dad whom we call attorney.. then kuya erwin with ate gema, who as been the kuya lately to me (and ate) and who always comes out from nowhere like a mushroom that you'll get surpirsed, then kuya norman, who has been the kuya among thy kuya... then the reyes sisters (jc and karen) whom i have been so attached lately... these are the people that i'll surely miss... i kept telling jc and karen that even we'll be separated from each other, we should get time to get together from time to time, eat dinner or lunch together, or go malling when we have time...

it's really hard.. but during the one month that passed, i realized i want to move out... especially when i got sick.. my mom even told me to move out coz of the unsanitized place that could have been a factor why i got sick.. she has a point.. but if things have been ok among the bond of the housemates, i might be reconsidering.. plus jc and karen will be moving out too... and may be kuya erwin, i'm just not sure and he's not sure yet..

people are leaving.. but they will forever be kept in my heart... i just hope that things will be ok, my relationships with the housemates will be ok, especially with kuya norman.. i hope we'll be back to what we we're before, though i know kinda hard to happen coz he's sooo busy and so am i.. but i hate the feeling of acting as if we're strangers to each other.. the feeling that i know he's already home yet i haven't got the chance to talk to.. but what hurts more is hearing him talking to other housemates he's ok with, or when jc or karen attempted to talk to him only to give a cold response.. hay.. i really don't know how to approach him first... i hope he'll be back to the old makulit kuya like he was before.. =(

friends for keeps

2008-02-02T09:56:00.000+08:00

i had a very bad week.. monday was ok because we dont have classes.. but tues came, and i started to feel sick.. at first i was on denial that i am sick.. i do not want to pamper my illness since there is no room for any virus or bacteria to take into my system.. wednesday i started having fever.. but still i managed to go to gateway at night to meet with mr. animator for our physio subject.. then came thursday night, finally, the thing i always fear of whenever i get sick, is the feeling of "bedridden".. as in i can hardly move and stand..

it feared me at first to get sick coz i was thinking that no one would take good care of me.. or better yet, i do not want to disturb my housemates.. i even thought if i were in my old bmi dorm, i would not worry if i get sick coz i know i have my dormates/sisses there who would take good care of me.. and i've proven that a lot of times.. but then i was wrong.. i over-judged my present housemates.. the reyes sisters, jc and karen, where my nurses on thursday night..and then i realized that i'm still lucky for having good friends like them here in my dorm.. at least before i move out at the end of the school year, i felt the care i've been missing from my bmi sisses...

another touching thing that happened that night.. my sister, tami, and my 2 bmi sisses, chy and mavi, gave me a suprised visit that night.. they were the ones panicking re my condition.. when they saw the petiche rashes when jc did the torniquet test on me, mavi and chy and tami wanted me to go to emergency that same night.. haha.. that's sooo sweet of them..

and how should i forget my med friends.. mina and tere, who accompanied me yesterday, friday, as i had a check up at the health service.. they were with me during my laboratory tests, until i got the results.. then janel gave me a text that night telling me to get well soon..

now i know i should have no worries of being sick.. coz i have my friends who are there for me.. who are willing to take good care of me.. despite the absence of my parents physically, a lot of my friends replaced their care.. and i am so thankful for giving me friends like them!!! ^_^

and for those who were there during that time that i failed to mention, you know who you are.. and i'm so thankful that you're part of my life.. (drama!)

FRIENDS FOR KEEPS...

recall.....

2008-01-28T14:56:00.000+08:00

Its been quite a while since the last time I posted here in my blog. Im doing this stuff at 2:51 am on my time. Thanks to the starbucks brewed coffee I ordered around 3pm and white chocolate mocha which I am drinking right now, the factors why I’m kept awake right this very moment. Anyweiz I intend to stay up late coz I have no classes today.. its Tomas Aquinas feast day.

What am I suppose to write? Lately I have lots of thoughts in my mind. I’ve been thinking of putting these thoughts here in my blog but every time I attempt to open my site, I’m being attacked with laziness. I hope this time, it’ll be for real.

Let me start with… XOXO… you know you love me.. when you open my friendster site, you’ll see this on my shout out.. and probably on others too, like some of my classmates in medicine. There’s this sort of gossip girl craze going on.. haha! We finished up to episode 13 last Thursday at Mina’s place, with slices of pizza for a nice dinner. We went home 11:30 pm na.. hehe..

Well, I would say, for the past week, I had lots of difficulties and enjoyments. I had good and bad experiences. So where should I start?

First stop… my anatomy.. my most feared subject in medicine. Apparently I already got my 3^rdbawi thing to do, I failed on the 3^rd shift. From 76 last shift to 74 this shift. And to make things worse, my first shifting was like 63!!!! @@#@##@#... what kind of making up for my grades should I do? I tried hard, and there are people who helped me a lot as I think I worked hard on this subject. There’s jj, my primary tutor in anatomy.. and my friends tere, mina, and ema, who also gave the same support.. but why did this happen still?? Huhu.. I know I need to do lots of focusing this shift.. which should I consider as my last chance (though I still have the 5^th shift..) shifting grades, and anatomy did not turn out good. Instead of wishing to increase my grades coz I have lots of

Next stop of bad memories.. in a place where I stay right now, I kinda have misunderstanding with my housemate. It’s been like more than 2 weeks since the “cold” war started. I admit it hurt me a lot, being ignored by the person whom I already considered a very good friend of mine. I admit my mistakes, I know it was my fault. But it hurts me so much feeling that what I’ve done is unforgivable despite the apologies with soo much sincerities I’ve done. I kinda have hard time staying here in my place, so as much as I wanted to be out. Being ignored by the person you like hurts, but it hurts more if you experience this with a friend, if the person you treated as someone you can keep for long time does this to you. But as time passed by, I have to convince my self that there’s nothing I can do. It just fears me that I may get used to feeling of being ignored that I may not care anymore, which I think is starting to happen. I already thought of my self that the old relationship my be hard to bring back. Perhaps it might me my choice to be distant, whether or not the cold war would cease. I do not want the feeling of having good memories with the person when we’re ok, but what if this happens again, the same pain would be felt all over again.. i'm afraid of feeling the same feeling i felt for the past 2 weeks.. believe me, it's doesn't feel good at all…just funny coz the week before the horrible night happened, we were all so good together… I suddenly asked that why is it every time I experience euphoria, there’s always a negative counteract??? If this is so always, I would not wish for sooo much happiness anymore..

But the other side of me contradicts such principle. Why not make it the other way around? If there’s a bad thing that happened, there could be a good counteract, right?

Looking at the bright side, there are also good memories for the week that passed. With my grades, well, in nuero, physio, and biochem, I got a grade of 80+ already.. though I already got to improve my grades, but they are still on the border, as reflected by my first shift grades.. (waaahh.. first shift really was a nightmare!) But I want to congratulate my self for improving.. and this inspires me to work harder. If I made it to improve my second shift and improve more on my 3^rd shift, I know it’s possible to improve more this 4^th shift.. only that I need to focus more.. triple my focus.. or may be 100x more focus!!!!!

But getting good grades isn’t just the effect of all these things.. I might be losing a friend (which I hope not), but I feel there are lots of them around me.. my classmates, my sisses, my old friends, who are there for me, assist me in my academics and at the same time listen to all my dramas and balances my stress by making me smile.. one thing I’m proud of, is that I am always blessed with good friends, which are kept for long terms.. and I know they are real friends, not just in good times.. I know it, coz that’s what my heart told me… ^_

So much for these things… lately I have crying nights, lonely nights, especially when I am alone. I felt so weak and helpless, with all the stress out there.. only when I’m alone that I come to these kind of realizations. I miss my family a lot.. I remember one night last week, I cried while looking at the family picture. I was talking to the picture! Imagine??? Haha.. but good thing I have friends out there whom I can reach via text msg that I felt their presence and calm me down..

This is another week.. as a promise to my self and to my mom and dad as well, I have to lessen my social life..if I can do it, I will temporarily drop my social life.. randell was right, 2 months is just 2 months, just short span of time, and who knows, it may pay off.. so for my friends out there who read this blog, I apologize in advance if I would resist in your invitations.. just until march, pls… I have to prove my self that I should focus, and serious in what I’m doing..

Oh Lord God, please give me enough strength to do the important things need to be done.. physical, emotional, and mental strength. Allow me to resist temptations.. I put all my trust in You.. and may Your will be done on me Lord.. Thank You for all the blessings… AMEN….

til here i guess... and who am i? it's a secret i'm not gonna tell... XOXO.... ^_^

lesson...

2008-01-18T13:15:00.000+08:00

If there’s one thing I learned this week, that would be:

Don’t invest negative nor positive emotions toward people who don’t even care. It’s like putting yourself on a trap, hoping that the other party recognizes how you feel deep inside, yet you are just being ignored.

Just move on. Do not invest deep relationship, do not expect a lot. You might wake up one day, having hard time to let go. Instead, go with the flow, live for the moment, so that in case you have to drift apart, you have nothing to hold back and regret for the rest of your life….

world pyro olympics 2008

2008-01-16T09:50:00.000+08:00

Posted on January 1, 2008

The skies of Manila will once again glitter as the La Mancha Group of Companies bring you the 3rd World Pyro Olympics 2008. This year’s edition of the fireworks competition in Manila will showcase what is considered to be the world’s best when it comes to Fireworks craftsmanship and artistry. The 2008 World Pyro Olympics fireworks competition will be held at the Bay Area of Mall of Asia, Pasay City, Philippines.

Check out the schedule below:
February 16 - China (CN) vs Germany (DE)

February 23 - Japan (JP) vs Australia (AU)

March 1 - Korea (KR) vd Dubai (AE)

March 8 - Italy (IT) vs Venezuela (VE)

March 15 - Frace (FR) vs Philippines (PH)

by: http://www.byahilo.com/2008/01/01/world-pyro-olympics-2008-schedule/

i'm just EXCITEEEDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!! ^_^

minsan....

2008-01-14T17:17:00.000+08:00

MINSAN...
by eheads...
a song that's perfect for my mood RIGHT NOW....

minsan sa may kalayaan tayo'y nagkatagpuan
may mga sariling gimik at kaya-kanyang hangad sa buhay
sa ilalim ng iisang bubong
mga sekretong ibinubulong
kahit na anong mangyari
kahit na saan ka man patungo

ngunit ngayon kay bilis maglaho ng kahapon
sana'y huwag kalimutan ang ating mga pinagsamahan
at kung sakaling gipitin ay laging iisipin
na minsan tayo ay naging
tunay na magkaibigan

minsan ay parang wala nang bukas sa buhay natin
inuman sa magdamag na para bang tayo'y mauubusan
sa ilalim ng bilog na buwan
mga tiyan nati'y walang laman
ngunit kahit na walang pera
ang bawat gabi'y anong saya

minsan ay hindi ko na alam ang nangyayari
kahit na anong gawin
lahat ng bagay ay merong hangganan
dahil ngayon tayo ay nilimot ng kahapon
di na mapipilitang buhayin ang ating pinagsamahan
ngunit kung sakaling mapadaan baka
ikaw ay aking tawagan
dahil minsan tayo ay naging
tunay na magkaibigan

in just one night, the laughters and childlike acts vanished due to stupid, childish behaviors.. which i am regretting i did... =( i hope it's not yet too late...

Medical Specialty Aptitude Test

2008-01-13T19:57:00.000+08:00

Rank	Specialty	Score
1	physical med & rehabilitation	46
2	emergency med	46
3	general internal med	45
4	med oncology	45
5	orthopaedic surgery	45
6	nuclear med	45
7	occupational med	44
8	nephrology	44
9	cardiology	44
10	dermatology	44
11	gastroenterology	43
12	aerospace med	43
13	pediatrics	43
14	urology	43
15	radiology	43
16	obstetrics/gynecology	42
17	preventive med	42
18	rheumatology	42
19	colon & rectal surgery	42
20	radiation oncology	42
21	family practice	41
22	otolaryngology	41
23	neurosurgery	41
24	psychiatry	41
25	thoracic surgery	41
26	plastic surgery	41
27	general surgery	40
28	anesthesiology	40
29	pulmonology	40
30	endocrinology	40
31	hematology	40
32	allergy & immunology	39
33	pathology	39
34	ophthalmology	38
35	neurology	37
36	infectious disease	35

i happen to passed by ruby's blog.. and saw one of her posts regarding the Medical Specialty Aptitude Test... funny to know what i am inclined to at this stage of my med life.. hihihi..

you may also want to try.. visit this site: http://www.med-ed.virginia.edu/specialties/Home.cfm

Q-L-C

2008-01-13T19:17:00.000+08:00

this weekend isn't really a good weekend.. whole time around i've been studying... but seems time isn't enough... my brain's kinda overused, with the fear of not retaining much.

well well well.. this afternoon i bought a book.. a book which i think i fell in love the first time i saw it, which was like months ago!!!! but then it kept coming back on my mind to get a copy of that book, as if it has a message for me.. so this afternoon, i used my "break" time from studying to walk at National Bookstore SM San Lazaro and look for that book. i told my self that if it's time for me to buy it, i'll find a copy.. and on the shelf of self help books, there are 3 copies left.. i immediately took one and pay to the counter, without thinking that i do not have any allowance for the month anymore.. hehe ^_^

as i went back to starbucks (where i stayed for like 9am til 5:45, what a record huh???!!!)... i removed it's plastic and excitedly opened it.. only to find out that it's more of insights about midlife crisis... hello!!!! i'm too far from that... but then i realized, it's just a timing, coz i have to admit i am currently having crisis in my life.. and perhaps experienced by most people of my age... i might be undergoing quarter life crisis!!!! darn!!!! and maybe this book could help me answer my questions and resolve my dilemmas in life as i go along with the pages.. i am just excited what this book will reveal me after.. ^_^

shifting week is still on going.. i feel kinda tired.. as if very long 2 weeks of my life.. just looking forward what will happen after... hay.. Lord please guide me as i take the exams the same way You guide me during my reviews... grant me enough strength of mind and body, to survive all the toxicities i am facing and are about to face..

22 i am

2008-01-06T15:54:00.000+08:00

Wow… I’m already 22 years old… at first I thought this bday celebration of mine would be one of the loneliest and emptiest bdays I would ever have.. but it turns out to be a very memorable one.. aside from the flood of bday greetings and bday calls I received, I had 3 distinct form of celebrations with different sets of friends…

First stop was with the BMI soro… we stayed overnight in my place at batangas, all girls night out with lots of foods and flooding with chikkas.. it turned out to be multiple celebration… aside from my bday, it was also a sort of welcome for my sister tami after her vacation abroad.. then the favorite of every bonding with the sisses, the hotseats… I really had fun with them.. when the clock strike 12, there was a candlelight cake for me.. ^_^ I surely missed the bmi sisses..

Then when I arrived here in my second home, there I was surprised by my housemates.. here I blew my second bday cake candle.. and in fairness I really loved the flavor.. what really touched me and made me even more special is the gift they left at my doormat which I saw when I arrived after meeting up with high school peeps.. here it is..

Inside the brown envelope which I saw at my doormat is a hand made card with dedications from my housemates, 3 vials with my name spelled, and a book that looks like a scrap book entitled “The Language of Love”… the pink candle is my second bday cake candle… ^_^

This is my second bday cake from my housemates.. hmmm… it really tastes great!!! Coffee flavor.. try it! ^_^

Another touching thing with my housemates is the notes they posted at my door… ^_^

Then the last but not the least form of celebration is meeting up with my high school friends, all organized by my best friend jo.. though there were only few of us, but its nice being with them.. and the thought if jo’s intention of being with me on my bday knowing that I am alone here in the Philippines..

I also have my new baby.. thanks to uncle nelson.. I have my own digital camera.. I see myself being vain and photo addict once again.. ^_^ it’s Kodak m873 model that is colored black.. it’s so slim.. and it is 8 MP!!! ^_^

My parents of course called me to greet me happy bday.. they sent me nice gifts and chocolates.. well, I really missed them a lot.. but it made me satisfied after talking to them on the phone…

for more pictures, you may visit my multiply account : www.bitchycriszie.blogspot.com

Hay… now, I that I am 22, I know I’ll be experiencing different stuff to occur in my life.. I have to be pretty much prepared in dealing with these changes.. but what I need to be more prepared of is the toxicity that I have to face for the next 2 weeks…. Waaaahhh.. it’s already Sunday.. so I have to be disciplined to focus on my academics.. goodluck!!! ^_^

All I can say is that....

I thank you Lord of all the blessings I received, not only on my bday, but on everyday of my life.. each day I experience and deal with is a blessing worth thanking for.. just guide me in every decision I make, in all the things that I do.. and I also pray that You guide all the people close to my heart, all my loved ones, my family and friends… and of course, please guide my heart.. and You know what’s best for me.. who’s best for me… ^_^

short post as i say: goodbye 2007 and welcome 2008

2007-12-30T18:57:00.000+08:00

just in the next 24 hours or so... say goodbye to 2007... and welcome 2008... year of the RAT!!!

well, as what i have been doing for the past years of blogging, i've been posting year-end sort of stuff.. but now, im not quite sure if i can do it.. well, i'm not in the mood, given the ambiance... i'm just on the net shop.. it's hard kc to construct ideas eh... plus there's a non-stop chikka with my ym buddies... plus there's a time limit.... hehehe...

so far, i'm coping up with the idea of being alone and INDEPENDENT.. maybe when classes resume i'll be able to like the feeling.. all i know is that i miss my family so much... on the bright side, i appreciate A LOT the presence of my friends.. i often hear them say, "if i need someone to talk to, they're there"... i'm pretty sure that these people are my real friends.. they know how to cheer me up.. they know when i'm happy.. or whenever i need company...

my bday's near.. i still don't know what to do.. at first i thought i'll be sad on my bday brought about by the distance between me and my family... but know i feel like my family extended... different set of friends are planning things to do on my bday.. my bmi sisses, my adorables and mascian friends, my housemates, my ate sherry and her staff, and more... grabe.. it's hard to choose.. hehehe... all i can say is that i'm blessed.. i'm blessed with good people around me.. and i love them... ^_^

back to original

2007-12-10T14:43:00.000+08:00

back to its old look.. its been quite a while since i last visited my blog.. anyweiz, i have decided to bring back to its original state.. trying to preserve the originality of what i used to have..

if you'll ask me how am i doing lately... well, so far i've been doing good.. i can say i have already adjusted to the system of the medicine.. my performance improved a lot.. my study habits and the way i handle stress of medicine are favoring me lately.. i'm really enjoying my world... and that i can say i continuously meeting nice people around.. who share the same interests as mine..

but one thing's been bothering me lately.. i've been under denial state but i realized i won't be able to escape the boundaries that limits me somehow unless i admit my self that it bothers me.. ok ok.. sounds complicated.. well here it is.. my family's migrating.. i know that, and i have been expecting that i'll be left alone here, so as to continue my medical degree... but what shocked me a lot is that it is so soon..too soon that it has to be on the 22nd of December this year!!!!! Christmas have to be spent alone.. well good thing my Ate Sheri's there... but celebrating Christmas together as a family gives me a very warm feeling for the cold season.. i'll be celebrating my bday as well.. alone.. i'm trying hard to ignore the feeling especially in front of my family coz i do not want to give them the impression of guilt that i'll be left behind.. i want to show them that i am an adult, who could take care of my self, and that they have nothing to worry about even if they are on the other side of the pacific..

think this is all for now.. coz i have to review for my histo pracs tom... ^_^

shorter as before

2007-11-03T06:08:00.000+08:00

2nd sem 2nd sem here i come... it's already 6 o'clock in the morning.. have to wake up early in preparation of my travel back to manila.. have to be there before 10:30 coz i got a meeting with my subsec mates for our biochem journal presentation...

well last night was a very tiring night... aside from having to do all the preparations for things i need to bring back to manila, i did prepare pasta dish for the bday celeb of my bro-in-law.. but prior to that, i still got to catch up to the salon and got treatment for my hair.. as what i told in my previous post, the orderliness of my hair was brought about by the power of blowdryer.. and when's it's gone, i totally looked like a witch!!! haha!!! however after getting the treatment, they still have to cut the ends of my hair, now making it really shorter as before!!!!

me and my sister having a funny look ^_O

waaaah.. friends, see you in manila... ^_^ i missed our dorm.. haha ^_^ and another journey... more power to all the med students and all the students who will be back to school this week...

NEW LOOK

2007-11-01T20:33:00.000+08:00

------- BEFORE ------------------------------------- AFTER ---------

whooohooo!!!! finally i got my new haircut... still long huh?? but stylish...thanks to the power of the blowdryer that i still have goood style of my hair.. however, i wonder how will it be tomorrow after i take a bath... for sure it will be a disaster!!!!!

i had my haircut done at freshaire salon in SM Lipa... had a last day bonding with my cousins kaye, ate nicks, and my sister tami... kaye chose the style for my hair... she patterned it to Eva Longoria's hairstyle... (do i look like EVA now??? haha! lol)

now i have a new look for the start of the semester... fresh na fresh... haha.. to my classmates and friends,see you on monday and let's continue the battle!!! BACK TO REALITY!!

to kaye, take care on ur trip and always keep in touch!!! ^_^

a post for AMY: getting more and more INSPIRED each day

2007-10-31T19:20:00.000+08:00

this afternoon, i got dysmenorrhea attack once again... hay... this happens every month.. good thing i'm home, a better place to lay down and ooze the pain... after gaining back my strength, i started doing the chores that my mom asked me to do... clean the house and fold the clothes... i was not able to do intenstive cleaning though because of the pain, but i was able to sweep the floor and wipe the dust on the table... they left for Manila this afternoon to pick up my sister and our little princess andy... they'll be staying here at home for the long holiday...

adorable doctors ^_^ (L-R: Keg and Amy)

sinong mukhang doctor??? haha

like, few minutes ago, i got to catch a very good adorable friend of mine AMY on ym... we had few minutes of chitchat, asking about the whereabouts of each other, exchanging stories, etc.. and in that short span of time we talked, i was really really INSPIRED!!!!

btw, let me introduce AMY first.... she's a third year medical student at DLSU... i'm months older than her but she's in Human Biology Programme of La Salle that's why she's already on 3rd year... she's my adorable friend, way back high school... short girl, hindi mukhang doctora (lol), and most of all, CORNY as always!!!! iloveyou AMY!!!!

anyweiz, every time we get time to bump into each other, whether personally or other means of communication (phone, text, chat), she never fails to encourage me to be strong in med.. she's my model in fact.... she keeps on telling me she was able to reach third year, surpassed freshman and sophie year, why won't i??? she has a point.. but the best thing about her that inspires me is how she currently manages her life for med survival... in all the problems she's facing, financially and other aspects, she was able to find solutions... imagine she's doing things that a typical medical student would not do.. neither i never imagined... (she's doing drugs...!joke... ) what's she's currently up to is full of dignity, and i'm sure by the time she passed this crisis in her life, she'll be a lot better person than she is now... maybe 4x better....

whaaah amy.. i'm so proud of you... and i promise, i'll do good in my acads and in my life... i also appreciate more the blessings that i have right now, and i promised my self i won't put them into trash.. instead i'll use them, and share them... ^_^

/BLOG EXTENDED AT www.bitchycriszie.multiply.com/

fresh new look

2007-10-30T23:54:00.000+08:00

my blog has a new look.. obviously... thanks to my ever-talented-in-html-thingy friend ads... ^_^ my old blog lay out was like 2 years old already.. i guess it's about time to give my blog a new look right??? ^_^

waaaahhh.. vacation's soon to end.. and yeah, another pressure's coming up on the first day.. the biochem journal presentation.. i'm one of those tasked to do the presentation in class.. in front of 130+ medical students plus n doctors... and defend our journal... whew!!! sounds like cardio lab con huh??? well thanks to my subsec mates for trusting me on this.... hope i won't disappoint them...

i badly need a haircut!!! i swear!!!! the salon i've been longing for is unfortunately closed tomorrow til nov 1... and it's gonna be open nov 2 pa... i have to the option of going to ystillo... dunnow.. should i be patient or follow the demands of my id to have the haircut as soon as possible??? i have to be back to manila on nov 3 early morning..... whaaaah!!!!!

i need a new look the same thing my blog got hers... ^_^ haha!

real side

2007-10-30T00:46:00.001+08:00

HAPPINESS and APPRECIATION brought me to where i am now... appreciation to everything that's happening.. trying to be TOUGH though deep inside TEARS are falling apart... a vulnerable side not seen by many.. patient in WAITING.. for TIME and SPECIFICS... sometimes i'm tired.. but a part of me still wants to hold on... and keep on waiting.... until i find the REAL happiness.... like this frog who longed for the moon to smile... impossible yet believing.. i guess this is F-A-I-T-H!

inspiring words for women

2007-10-29T02:04:00.000+08:00

presented to:

keg

nora p. catapang

on the occasion of

daily union with God

date

august 04, 2007

finally! the book that i have been waiting for ever since my tita informed me that she's giving me a nice book to read... and it's here now in my possession.... INSPIRING WORDS FOR WOMEN: Thoughts of Hope and Encouragement by Darlene Sala...

i can see this is a good book, full of lessons and inspiring words for women of God... i'm just excited to finish reading this.. and i'll make sure i'll be able to digest every single message this book has for me.. i might be able to give a review after i'm done reading... ^_^

next stop... i'm planning to have one of Bo Sanchez' collection... it could be my collection too... someday when i alreay have the means... ^_^

stardust... A+

2007-10-26T11:17:00.000+08:00

this one is nice:

Yvaine: You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn't true. I know a lot about love. I've seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate... It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves... You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and... What I'm trying to say, Tristan is... I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no fits. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.

i've seen the movie a weeks ago....it's only now that got time to post this on my blog.. and it's so nice.. worth watching, spending your 110 pesos, and worth your time... indeed, startdust is the greatest DATE movie of the year.. so if you haven't seen this yet, then go to the nearest moviehouse (if it's still there) or grab a clear copy of DVD... and it's worth watching with a date... hehe <3

when she cries

2007-10-25T21:12:00.000+08:00

--- i just fell in love with this song... actually, i like the song pa before it became the theme song of Wendy and Bruce of PBB (yuck!)...

--- this is just sweet... ^_^

transformation

2007-10-24T09:51:00.000+08:00

hay.. finally.. im going home... without stress.. mom and i already reconciled.. and she started talking to me... just yesterday morning before i leave the house... i just pray that i may not be able to hurt her again this time.. that i may be a good girl and a good daughter to her..

migz gave me the advance hand outs in physio and biochem.. still have to review for biochem removals.. and only got a week for these things.. plus i will be in batangas pa.. how could i study?? whaaah...

*
*
*

grabe just a while ago, i felt the motivation to do better next sem.. to bring back the old me way back in upm, only got better.. i need to focus and as much as possible remove all the destructions.. i need proper time management, know how to sacrifice a little of enjoyment... well i will have Christmas break naman so that's the time i'll make up for the lost time for my own desires and enjoyment.. and as what migz told me, just focus, igapang, and more PRAYERS... this time i will seriously owe everything to God the Father...

speaking of, grabe, i'm missing someone.. ihihihi... but as what i've just previously said, i have to sacrifice.. and focus more time on my studies.. forget him for now.. or maybe forever..?? nah.. it's hard..hehe.. but he's not my priority as of now... studies first... well, i don't feel that he feels the same way for me din nmn eh.. so why get destructed right???

*
*
*

wish me luck friends on my transformation for the second sem!!!!! ^_^ toink! (O_o)

come what may

2007-10-23T22:04:00.000+08:00

it websternet's anniversary... and internet's free... yipee...

sembreak just started, and it will end soon.. only got a week to enjoy everything.. as in no pressure... no stress... how i wish.. but i've got to review for biochem remedials... oh no!!!!

just got a week to enjoy my sembreak.. however.. i got a good/bad news.. i dunow how shall i classify it... last nyt my dad told me that they already have a schedule for interview at US embassy.. and sooner they will leave the country if God permits... however, i might be left alone... though plans are not yet clear, coz the US embassy here in the PI will decide whether i will go with them or not, since they also included me in the application... whatever the result, i will be greatly affected...

if God will allow me to migrate, i have to leave med school...chances are i might not be able to be what i ever wanted since i was a kid... to be a doctor... on the other hand, if i will be left here, i have to be far from my family... and it's a serious matter, since we're oceans apart... US is US... though they could petition me a year after or so, still i will be left alone... hay,,, though it's still months in the waiting.. but possibility is that they will leave early next year.. at least they will be here on my birthday,.,, why am i getting so emotional with my family??? perhaps even though i say that i am independent, but family matters a lot to me...

come what may.. i'll just cross the bridge when i get there... as an existentialist, i'll just live with my present.... ^_^

a star that turned in a dust

2007-10-17T21:08:00.000+08:00

actually i am sad right now... i stepped out of my room in order to talk to someone in ym.... and remain in cathartic mode... this day is full of frustrations and disappointments...

i only get TOO excited once in a while... as in SUPER excited over something.. and this day's frustration's one of those few moments i got so excited about...i was supposed to watch stardust with my housemate.. actually, i've been asking all my housemates to come and watch the movie, but they all decline, except for one.. so last night, i scheduled my day.. compartmentalizing the things to be done in the morning so that at the end of the day, i would be free to relax and enjoy the film... stardust was supposed to be the film that i'll be next watching since transformers.. i've been so busy for the past months because of my acads that i neglect to see the beautiful films that passed.... (if there's any..)... plus, i do not easily go for movie watching... as in i pick the film that i be watching on the big screen coz i know it's worth watching for...

will i ever see you???

apparently you now know why i started my post with sadness.. because things were not ok.. i was not able to watch.. my housemate texted me late in the afternoon that he has to finish some hospital works and that he was not sure though.... that's the thing... i hate the fact that i get disappointed for no reason at all.. i could not blame anyone.. not even my housemate because it's nobody's fault anyways... but i hate it... i hate the idea of being sad for a very shallow reason, yet for me, it's a big deal... i hate it whenever i get too excited over something yet in the last minute the plan's changed.. plus i hate it that this happened simultaneous with my depression as the semester ended... yes, i was so depressed yesterday... and i was thinking that this day could somehow overcome my depression... and have a good start for my sem break...

another reason that bothers me is that i was supposed to be home in batangas yesterday pa, but because i was expecting this movie thing today, i postponed it.. in short, i sacrificed my vacation at home over this event that i have been looking forward.... hay....what a day.. last night i was quite ok as i bond with my housemates... but why is it that whenever i get to have a sweet taste of euphoria, there's an extreme loneliness that comes in return... what a relationship!!!!!

hay... when i get home, i'll lock my self up again in room... and doing my thing to regain my momentum at least for tomorrow..... hay... stardust... a star that turned into a dust..... :-(

bo sanchez... i wanna see you live...

2007-10-09T10:08:00.000+08:00

this is one of the nice preachings i've read... here's the site... (i hope it will work) ^_^:

http://bosanchez.ph/get-rid-of-toxic-faith/

Whaaaaaaahhh.. i got an email from my subscription at Bo Sanchez's Kerygma... and i learned that there will be an upcoming conference this november.... and i wanna go!!!!! whoever plans to go, please include me.. hehe... it is my BIG dream to see Bo Sanchez preach live... i've read some of his writings, watched him on the internet, but not live...

it's my shifting week.. and sembreak's near.. though i technically i do not have a sembreak.. just ended with my anatomy exam.. and i hope and pray i did well... ^_^ my next exam, clin epid, will be this 1pm.. and honestly, i haven't studied yet... *delinquent student*... just have to ran some email so i went here to LRU... i a while i'll step out and start reviewing for clin epid..

am i inspired???? yes... i think so... but as much as possible, i am not nourishing the feeling... whatever feelings i had for that person will be kept undefined until.. i do not know... just have to let the shifting week and i'll see what's the next thing to do.. all i can say is that i am happy on the simplest things he does.. whhhhaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh........... but i tell you, the feeling will be kept undefined as of now... ^_^ hihihihi.... <3

where art thou?

2007-10-05T11:38:00.000+08:00

whahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!! ********EEE%%%%%%%%%$#@#$#%)&)GGGGGGGGGG__________###!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!@#)%)(#$_$)%_T$)%#@)VB#$)_@__#$#B#)))!!! --- thanks to the Christian songs that i've been listening on my mp3 that keeps my mind chill on this very moment...

++++
+++
+++

what a day!!!!! i used to have a good morning... i wake up in a good mood as early as 4:30 am... feeling as if i have a deep sleep after the long thursday's over... i continued doing my lab manual for histo (which i only started doing last night, due today! thanks to JC!!!!!) i was able to study for my shifting exam in preventive medicine I this morning, which i assume, will start at 11 am... in short, i've been so relax for the whole morning...

NOT UNTIL I LEFT THE DORM, that was 9 am, on my way to Dapitan to have my biochem and physio hand outs book-bind, i received a text from Tere and Mina, asking me why did i not take the exam.. i was already in front of the AB building... so i panic... coz i was not able to take the exam which i've been studying!!!!!!! whaaaaaahhh!!!! i'm so lost.. i hurried to the prev med department, seen gayle and steph then von on my way upstairs... and there.. i knew i was not in the good mood that time.. good thing Dra Cruz is kind enough to let me take the exam.. only that it was considered a make up exam and i have to take it 11 pm pa...i was so ngarag... i've been trying to get my good mood back, but i failed.. i was with elaine, karla, and tif then.... we went all together to our 10am class, prev med... still, i was in bad mood.. then there i've seen Tere and Mina, asking me what happened.. all that i could answer was, "wag muna, bad mood ako ngayon"....

finally now, i was able to take the test, and finish it.. i hope i gained my mood back, i hope.. i wish to talk to Tere and Mina... tell them what happened.. no one's to blame but ME!!!!! i was so stupid not to know the schedule.... whaaaaahh!!!!

on the other side of the coin, because of this incident, i felt that i have good friends in med.. theres Tere and Mina, my very nice alphabetical friends, who were kind enough to look for me.. then elaine, my first friend in med school.. then the most recent person i get to appreciate, is JEN my subsec-mate in prev med... super thanks!!!!! we ate brunch together, while waiting for 11 am to come..we're just sharing stuff, our insights about med.. our hardships... we could just relate to each other's concerns.. then she got my number, told me that she'll text me whenever there will be announcements.. from this day, thanks in advance jen.. ^_^ we will survive med.. ^_^

mina have been telling me a couple or more times: "kelangan mo talaga ng makakapitan sa med"... someone who could inspire me to be strong.. good thing for her, she has ynna, very cute 6 y/o kid... and a steady relationship with ynna's father.. mina told me, that by just seeing ynna when she arrives home, she feels ok and stressed-free... in my case, i am not planning to have a kid like as early as now naman.... but i've been thinking of who could be that person who will inspire me and i can lean on to surive... where are you????? i'm not rushing for a serious commitment or something, but what i wanted a relationship with someone with no string attached, but who could make me smile and laugh in my stressful days.. whom i can share my sentiments, who will listen to my dramas.. who will appreciate me in my tinniest details.. and the same thing that i will do for him... but more importantly, CONSISTENT.. the last time i felt the kilig was way back in my premed days pa ata.. only that we never had an ending coz there was no start.. (lalim!!!!).. those times that we'll just talk for at least once a day, enough to share our respective stories.. such that his texts of good morning i read when i woke up could already make me smile... but the problem was, we were not able to nourish what we had then... may be we chose friendship over any romantic feeling what -so -ever...

hay.. i may sound as if i'm selling my self just to have a commitment, but i'm not... i do not care what you may think.. i'm just searching for that creature who will be man enough to stay on my side... especially in these days... where art thou??????? i may not find you soon enough... but i'm sure, when i get to know you, you are the answered prayer... i'll just know... =) as of now, i will still double my efforts to do my own thing... and find my own happiness... yebah!!!!!!!! so help me God!!!!!

it's over!

2007-10-01T18:30:00.000+08:00

lab con is over!!!! whew!!! and i think i did ok... except with a short funny scene that i've created in front of the class... i kinda tripped on the podium!!!! whaaah!!! perhaps i'll be remembered as the lead discussant who made herself funny in front of everyone.. but it's ok actually... coz i even laughed at my self... hehehe...

thank God it's over.. and i can move on to other school matters...

right now i'm soooooooooooo sleepy.. as in my eyes are falling... i just have to wait the files to be attached on my mail.. then i'll go home and sleep for a while...

multiplies

2007-09-30T18:32:00.000+08:00

Section D got a multiply account!!!!!! if you want to see the pictures of these cool med students, check out the site:

http://ustfms2011d.multiply.com

you may also want to visit mine and feel free to give a comment or any message for me... ^_^ you may also add me up!!! ^_^

http://bitchycriszie.multiply.com

gloomy sunday

2007-09-30T18:26:00.000+08:00

it's a very gloomy sunday night... rain's non stop... rain really gives me a feeling of loneliness... just happened now that i did not give much attention to this lonely feeling... i've been so busy preparing for my lab con tom.. whaaah!!!!!

+++ i just pray i'll do good and be able to share the necessary info to my classmates and the doctors who are there at the plenary.. and that i may be able to answer their questions... more importantly, i pray that i may be diligent and confident when i'm in front..

so help me God...

untitled

2007-09-26T10:31:00.000+08:00

its holiday today! yeah, you heard it right.. it's medicine week therefore, they declared just this morning during homily that they will set us off for the day..

i'm here right now at LRU, left alone by janelle, as she take an overseas phone call from her past-present-future!!! haha! (chismisin ba si janelle?!!).. it's quarter to 11, and i'm still waiting until 12:30 to start the practice for the med night this friday.. we are performing!! yes, i'm joining, dancing this friday, which i really do not do at all!!! even i myself, got surprised with what i am doing!!!! we've been practicing the whole week, not realizing that i should have started preparing for another hell week next week... whaaaaah!!!!!

my merely thinking that saturday is coming, i just want to cry!!!! i've been so lax for the past few days.. and now, i'm not even doing anything to prepare for the hells.... so here's what i should expect for the next week.. and judge yourself if you think i'll survive!!!!

*** JUDGEMENT DAY!!!! - lab con for physio regarding ECG!!!! whaaaah!!! i admit up to this day i haven't known my topic by the heart.. huhuu.... ;-(

*** quizzes in physio: hemodynamics, CV regulation, and special circulation... 3 major topics covered for a quiz this monday.. plus a pre-lab con and post-lab con quiz.. omg!!!!

*** review for practicals and mini practicals as well on tuesday for anatomy... can't wait til thurday...

*** my favorite subject (how i wish)... BIOCHEMISTRY... got a quia again.. actually, it's the final quiz for the shift.... the coverage are metab of eicosanoids, metab of nitric oxide, and integration of metab... to tell you, i should treat this seriously coz i haven't passed a single quiz in biochem yet.. huhuhuhu;-(

*** thursday!!!!! whaaaah!!!! there's pracs in neuroanatomy in the morning, then the 2nd pracs for anatomy re GIT followed by the 2nd long exam in the afternoon. weeeeeh... i hope i can pass them all....

*** friday... i'm dead... j/ke!!!! clin epid? i dunnow yet the sked... but i hope it's free!!!! coz the week after is the start of shifting exam...

all i need is proper time management which i should be practicing as early as now!!!!! and more than anything else, is to FOCUS.. i admit i lack focus everytime i study.. i may look like i'm serious while studying, but i know that deep inside my mind's not focused, and i've been thinking about of things lately.. what could have those things be??? hmmm.. secret!!!! in time may be i could share the thoughts that are running in my mind... but not now.. *toink!* ^_o

ps:

oh well before i forget...

HAPPY BDAY VON!!!!!! ^_^

and i super duper miss my family a lot... i really want to see them... and spend time with them... huhu:-(

HEAVENS of hell

2007-09-08T22:42:00.000+08:00

this week is a hec of a week... the hellest among the hells... everything's so saturated... long exams, quizzes, lab cons, sgds, and most especially, 3 practicals of 3 different subjects..giving you a clearer picture of our hell, tuesday this week, practicals in anatomy followed by long exam... whaaaha!!!!
for sure this week will be another sleepless nights, lots of study groups with peeps, etc..

but before hell, i've tasted heaven.. last friday was a day full of bonding with different groups of people.. subsection D2 finally get to have an ultimate bonding... started at 8am for the discussion of the physio research protocol at Mina's place, til lunch time, and to end the day together, had a bonding at Yellow Cab SM San Lazaro c/o RMT Lourdes! Girl, congrats!!!! more on the congratulation is for your pioneer experience of riding the jeepney!!! after 21 or 22 years of your existence here on earth, you finally experienced what's like to be in a jeepney!!!! and i'm sure you'll never forget us... at yellow cab, everybody's laughing.. with tuksuhan on the possible love birds of the subsec.. whew.. im pretty excited about that.. and let's see as we move along with our med life together, i hope... ^_^

then later that night, i get to meet with my high school friends.. going to a place late at night which i'm not familiar with, and going beyond the venue, everything's worth the sacrifice i'll say!!!! i get to see my old folks, with old same reminiscing topics, way back high school.. what we were and those people we get to encounter.. as if nothing's changed.. and yeah, we stick together.. and we're all excited to the arrival of the next adorable angel by early january.. to dang and ely, congratulations in advance...

i still have lots of words to say.. but i'll reserve them when i get to have time again.. when would that be? i do not know..still have lots of things to do at home.. and whaaaaha!!!! wish me good luck!!!

moving out

2007-09-04T14:58:00.001+08:00

hay.... what a day... just got my grade in neuroana... and what else is new? yesterday i got my biochem.. and the same expectation.. a failure... last night i was in a state of depression.. being all by my self inside my room.. i felt so weak.. i could not concentrate on what i'm reading.. i felt the need of catharsis.. so i decided to go unlimited and text my friends.. good thing there's my bmi sis ads and my former classmate tine.. who are both on their freshmen med year.. and who understand me more than anyone else.. but catharsis was not enough.. i suddenly craved for SNEAKERS chocolate (which happens to be my favorite chocolate in this whole wide world).. thinking that it could deduce my depression.. apparently, the store near the place i'm staying right now has none.. not even other alternative chocolate... M&Ms maybe... too bad.. so i decided to send my self to sleep.. and relax...

well... that's my story... i'm out for a while in my anatomy class... to do some reflection of whether should i leave or not the place where i stay right now.. i talked to cryzel, my housemate-to-be.. she assured me that there's no turning back.. that she will look for a place to stay... now, a big part of me wants to move out.. but it's really hard for me to leave my present housemates.. i'm soooo attached to them.. and it'll be hard to say goodbye.. o well.. more signs please.. if should i move out or not.... and yes.. i finally emailed tita vicky about this decision of mine.. maybe there's really no turning back.... :-(

BERry-berry...

2007-09-01T13:00:00.000+08:00

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!! i'm soooo excited!!! you know why??? coz it's the first day of the first month of the BERS... implication??? Santa Clause is coming to town...

i am the type of person who really gets excited, A LOT, on two major occasions of a lifetime.. first is my birthday... and of course, Christmas season.. as if i have long term celebration of the Season, at least the duration that the feeling of Christmas spirit remains within me.. i just feel extra special on these two special occasions.. the latter feeling starts as early as now.. knowing that it's already September, i could not help but to be particular with the existence of BER as its suffix..

can't you feel the chills? the breeze? come to take s short time to just feel the air around you, especially at night? it feels so breezy... so Christmas!!!! i do not know yet what to expect as of now... but at least i have reason to feel light despite the workload in med school...

hmmmmm... but there's one feeling i think i'm missing... and for quite a long time i haven't felt it.. the feeling of being inspired by someone.. i miss having someone to talk with, be it nonesense or intellectual topic, anything under the sun.. someone who do not expect anything from me and so am i to him.. just merely going with the flow, enjoying every moment.. someone who serves as my cathartic mechanism whenever i am depressed or sad or even when i am manic. hehe.. a simple text message from that person, or even a miscol, but then could already make me smile, and also i give to same effect to him.. whom i still find time to talk to despite my busy schedule but i do not feel pressured and cramming in the end... and still i get good grades.. but seriously, i miss this feeling.. where could you have been??? (^_?) i wish you'll come soon.... <3

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!

3

2007-08-25T13:44:00.000+08:00

Ei there bloggers out there! I am back! So far, not so good… it’s already 1:20 on my watch but I haven’t eaten my lunch yet..i am here right now at medical informatics center, doing almost all the research thingies for the sgd and other assignments…

Well, first shift has already ended, and without realizing we’re already on our second shift! Wow.. that’s so fast.. the last time I remembered was the freshmen orientation at the med auditorium, being just a quiet organism observing my new environment. Really, the past 2 months of my life involved fluctuating emotions and extremes experiences. I have been into numerous depressing moments, though it may not be very obvious with my smiles and laughters, but deep inside me, most especially whenever I am alone, I could not stop to ask my self, what’s happening? What am I doing? What are these things for? A lot of times I felt like I am just a student, and not foreseeing the endpoint of all these things: that I will have a very noble job wherein I will be able to reach out to people and at the same time, gain their respect.

My first shift is a failure, I admit. I got failing grades. I kept asking my self, “have I learned anything?” Why is it that during examinations, I could not get the passing score, as compared to most of my classmates who get really nice grades! As much as possible, I counterattack those moments that I feel down, would rationalize that if I will be able to like what I am doing, I will survive.. yes I’m surviving, but failing!

But I will not lose hope.. I will still fight this battle.. I had so many shift of attitudes in my mind, most especially in my study habits, and I am glad that we are blessed with 2 consecutive long weekends, that I was able to be utilize my time well and give ample amount of time for my academics.. and of course, as a trademark of my self, there’s still time for enjoyment and socialization!

Yes.. shifting on another mode, another story.. last night was just an amazing night.. aside from being back on my alma mater, University of the Philippines Manila, another incident happened that I could tell I was able to face one of my greatest fears, which I will tell later.. ;-)

So what happened last night? Well, I was in UP College of Medicine, watched Lady Med, a gay contest for straight guys… I really missed UP on that aspect, where people are very liberated thinkers and radical.. where in it is ok for a straight guy to join a contest like that, without any embarrassments or fears of being judged by other people… that’s the freedom I have been missing since the last day I stepped out of UP and the first day I entered another institution.. during my premed days, I knew I have nothing to worry about of how people will judge me or how they will look unto me, coz I know, it really doesn’t matter.. what matters is how you stand for your point and of course, what’s inside that bone we call skull.. last night was also a good opportunity for me to see again old friends, though they were not my classmates then, the bio people, but I felt good to be with them, thinking that all of us are now on the same path of life..

So what’s the great fear naman? Since the day that I texted micko that I liked him a lot, I thought of what could have happen if I meet him again in person.. do I still have the face to see him, and talk to him or even say hi to him.. surprisingly last night, I finally ended with those thoughts. Yes, after the Lady Med, I saw him the last minute, and good thing, he was the first to say hi.. just then I knew that what I did was not a big deal for him, and I have nothing to worry about.. now I could finally move on with my old, manang, attitude, who was so afraid of showing her affections for the person she likes…I just do not know yet that person whom I could show the real, brave me.. let’s wait and see and be surprised nalang!!!!

Another shift of the story, and I bet the third story here on my entry.. I just realized something, I need to have a change of environment.. after the first shift, I felt like I need to be with people who have the same routine as mine.. my classmates is what I am pertaining to.. it may be sad and hard for me to leave my present place, with all the memories even in a short period of time, but I suddenly felt the urge to move out.. I just pray that we (my classmates) may be able to find a place during the sembreak and be able to move out at the end of this semester.. otherwise, I have no choice but to stay, which is good in the aspect of my relationship with my housemates.. however, there’s just one housemate of mine whom I’m missing.. he was not talking to anyone of us for almost 2 weeks, and I am certain that all of us there misses our kuya Norman.. we were wondering what could he have been up to lately… for sure he was so tired because he’s now on his clerkship.. or could he have undergoing the “quitting moments” again??? I hope not.. but with his personality, I guess it will be able to let him that way, and just wait for the time that he’ll start talking to us again.. I just hope if given the chance that I will really move out, he’ll be back to that person I knew even for a short time..

It’s a long weekend.. as much as I wanted to go home, but due to dengue fever outbreak in Tanauan, Batangas, I’d rather stay here.. and of course, I need to study.. study.. study… ;-)

one down.. :-)

2007-08-10T12:25:00.000+08:00

hey there people!! officially, the first shifting exam started.. first in line is supposed to be neuroanatomy and medical ethics.. but brought about by the suspension of classes yesterday, we stick with the same sked for friday.. and ooops.. first stop: anatomy... i hope i did good.. though clinical part was kinda confusing.. hay.. only God could tell... i pray that i passed... i pray even harder that ALL of the subjects will pass... i'll just study hard and give my best shot.. GO! GO! GO!!!!

fruit of labor

2007-07-17T17:57:00.000+08:00

i would love to share an inspiring thing that happened to me this day...

well, the real thing is that I AM INSPIRED TO GIVE MY BEST IN THE WORLD THAT I BELONG... i kept asking my friends who already have their respective jobs about how is it in the REAL WORLD... i did not realize in fact i, myself, is in the REAL WORLD.. i used to think that the real world involves people who are free from studying, earning their own money, not asking allowance from parents.. but hey... i am in this real world only in a different orientation..

thank you Kris for telling me those things... i believe that God has a purpose why of all the people i'll see at the OUR, it was you.. just talking to you over lunch was very fruitful.... i finally gained my confidence, and begin to accept the reality of what i am doing right now.. i learned that i should not have a mind set.. like "because i hate memory that's why i fail anatomy..." or that "i'm more on critical thinking and application and not just storing information in my head.." something like that... coz these mind sets give me reason to be lax and be contented with where i am today... i also realized that in achieving something, i have to give my best shot... and not just be contented in mediocrity..

for a while i lost my orientation.. i forgot who i was in the past years during college.. a very positive person who does not easily give up.. someone who is very goal oriented and would not stop until i achieve it and one who gives the best shot in things that she do..

so what's the next thing to do? that's it.. just always keep in mind that medicine is not just merely a school thing.. in every step that i will make as early as now, will totally affect my future.. i am lucky enough that i am here now, in the world that i always wanted.. there are some who were not given this chance... so why waste what i have now.. and of course, change my "nega" orientation.. instead of complaining in every failure i make, i will just be inspired to work harder, double or even triple my efforts.. and later, after all, the success that i will get in return tastes very very good...

and above all.. be confident in everything that i do.. coz i know, that aside from my own capabilties, i have my GOD who guides me all the way.... and knows what 's BEST for me...